Yes, and I realize you helped him do that by sleeping with her husband. You do accept responsibility for your part, don't you?

How have "they" accused you of creating the emails? To whom have they made this accusation? The Xlover BS emailed my BS and told him I had set up an email account (which I had not) and told him to tell me to delete it.

If you don't know whether it is your exOM or his wife, then why are you accusing them of sending these messages?
The Xlover and his BS are the only ones that have my BS email. BS has not posted his email anywhere. We are getting rid of my BS email too.

Yes, and I realize you helped him do that by sleeping with her husband. You do accept responsibility for your part, don't you?

I have accepted responsibility for my actions. The WS on the other end has not.

You really are here to talk about OM and the wrong her did you, aren't you?

It is not believable that you posted here on a marriage building site only because you could not work out that you needed to change your email addresses.

Did you send a NC Letter to the OM?

Did not do this. X lover BS last email said do not send any further contact or they will do a restraining order. 95 days have passed and didn't plan on sending one now.

You should ask your Betrayed Husband to open his own topic thread here so he can be more firmly in control of affair proofing the marriage and to ensure no vital steps do not get swept under the rug.

The most glaring ommission so far is the very 1st step, which is full exposure done by your BH to hold you accountable.

The exposure you spoke of was nothing so far.

LTL

You really are here to talk about OM and the wrong her did you, aren't you?

It is not believable that you posted here on a marriage building site only because you could not work out that you needed to change your email addresses.

Is this taking me back to Day 1 every time I deal with this stuff? I do not really see any guidance on this. Is it Day 1 every time the emails came through?

Are you saying that the affair was busted by OM's wife? She read the emails between you and informed your husband about the affair?

I don't understand. Are you asking me these questions?

Are you asking me whether you are taken back to Day 1 when you read the unwanted messages?

You should know the answer to this. I'm not clear why you are asking me, if that's what you are doing.

Can you be more specific? What happens when an email comes through? Are you saying your feelings for this woman's husband are triggered? What do you mean exactly?

Are you saying that the affair was busted by OM's wife? She read the emails between you and informed your husband about the affair?

Yes

But if you thoroughly read AND FOLLOW the SAA book, you would know that THIS, by itself is NOT Exposure.

LTL

Ah, I think I understand now. You are asking whether the contact caused by these emails are setting your recovery back to the beginning, wiping out any progress you and your husband have been making. You are right to ask that question.

Contact with OM will indeed set your personal and marital recovery back, and that is why you should have changed your contact details right at the beginning, when the affair was busted by his wife. If you have read Surviving an Affair as you say you have done, you must have seen that blocking all avenues of contact was a requirement. Recovery does not start until no contact (NC) has been established.

And once again: it is easy to do so. Change you emails and phone numbers. You should have worked out that you needed to do that as soon as the first unwanted message came through. Why was it so hard for you to see something that was so obvious? If his wife busted this more than 90 days ago, that is more than 3 months that you've had to think about this simple solution.

And please stop calling the other man (OM) your "X lover". That is disrespectful to your husband.

What did she mean by "any further contact"? Further than what?

After she busted the affair, did you contact either of them, whether to accuse them of sending the unwanted messages, or for any other reason?

Can you be more specific? What happens when an email comes through? Are you saying your feelings for this woman's husband are triggered? What do you mean exactly?


I don't see any guidance to explain what triggers Day 1 on a WS. With alcoholics, Day 1 is triggered by taking another drink.

I do not have the answer to what Day 1 is. I do not make contact with X lover, we have followed all the steps, precautionary measures.

I am new, so I don't know....where are the expert WS

Did you send a NC Letter to the OM?

Did not do this. X lover BS last email said do not send any further contact or they will do a restraining order. 95 days have passed and didn't plan on sending one now.
What did she mean by "any further contact"? Further than what?
She said no further contact of any kind. I would suspect this means no emails, messages, calls etc.

After she busted the affair, did you contact either of them, whether to accuse them of sending the unwanted messages, or for any other reason?
We did not contact them after that. We saw the emails, texts, and did not respond to any of them.

You haven't followed even the most basic EP. Change contact info. Why don't you just change your phone number/email for heavens sake?

But if you thoroughly read AND FOLLOW the SAA book, you would know that THIS, by itself is NOT Exposure.

So, my BS needs to contact X lover's friends and family. Right now, the social circle of friends knows, what is left of the family is blocked or unknown.

There is no such thing as an "expert WS." We advocate Dr. Harley's program here, whether one is a WS, BS or has never experienced an affair.

And once again: it is easy to do so. Change you emails and phone numbers. You should have worked out that you needed to do that as soon as the first unwanted message came through. Why was it so hard for you to see something that was so obvious? If his wife busted this more than 90 days ago, that is more than 3 months that you've had to think about this simple solution. I kept my email and phone to secure a new job, and will be changing them. Job took longer to find than expected.

And please stop calling the other man (OM) your "X lover". That is disrespectful to your husband.
I do not know all the lingo yet, not trying to disrespect anyone. I am new here.