You haven't followed even the most basic EP. Change contact info. Why don't you just change your phone number/email for heavens sake?

Because I was trying to find a new job. I now have one, and will get rid of the email. Job took longer to find than expected.

When did you get the new job?

Will your BH post here?

Here Acronyms and Abbreviations

When did you get the new job? Very Recently-can't close account until paperwork is secured and start date sent.

Will your BH post here?
My BH is over my shoulder reading every word.

Do you want to ask him a question? Or do you want him to set up his own account?

It would be nice if he could start his own thread under his own posting name.

Then we can help both of you through recovery.

Have you both been tested for STDs?

Could you please tell us what you've completed from the checklist that ML posted to you?

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

__X___The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

___X__The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.*** Did not do, for fear of threat of restraining order.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse). Working on this now that new job is secured. BH has phone and all passwords

__X___Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

__X___Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

__X___Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary. Just got new job, waiting on start date. Working on getting a new residence.

__X___Avoid overnight separation.

__X___Allow technical accountability.

__X___ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Do you have children? If so, how many and how old?

When did you get the new job? Very Recently-can't close account until paperwork is secured and start date sent.

Will your BH post here?
My BH is over my shoulder reading every word.

Do you want to ask him a question? Or do you want him to set up his own account?

It would be nice if he could start his own thread under his own posting name. It would be nice, but he says we are working on this together by him looking over my shoulder...and playing footsies with me...

Then we can help both of you through recovery.

Have you both been tested for STDs? HIPAA, not answering this on an open forum

Could you please tell us what you've completed from the checklist that ML posted to you? Sent checklist, please see other post. I know, it needs more work, but needed the new job. So am I at Day 95 or Day 1?

Do you have children? If so, how many and how old?

2 boys(adults), both grown and moved out.

lsl, it sounds like you have done a pretty good job of affair proofing your marriage but I am concerned about the voicemail comment. That is in addition to changing your #s, right? Because it won't help if the OM can still get through and I think that is what you do mean. I just wanted to make sure.

Also, how close do you live to the OM? What about his workplace?

All you have to tell us is whether you've both been tested. You don't have to tell us the results.

If you both haven't been tested I strongly recommend you both get tested.

Have you answered ALL of your BH's questions?

How much UA time are you getting a week?

This doesn't make any sense to me. Why was it necessary to keep your email and phone numbers while looking for a job? You just give your new email and phone number to the employment agency, or you put them on your CV when you apply directly for a job.

Have they been told?

This doesn't make any sense to me. Why was it necessary to keep your email and phone numbers while looking for a job? You just give your new email and phone number to the employment agency, or you put them on your CV when you apply directly for a job.

Sometimes the jobs I apply for take 3 to 4 months to hear back from. Not all jobs answer right away.

I have made a new email account now and have turned the old one over to BH to monitor for jobs/ other information.

All you have to tell us is whether you've both been tested. You don't have to tell us the results.

If you both haven't been tested I strongly recommend you both get tested.

Have you answered ALL of your BH's questions? Yes, it hasn't always been pleasant, but yes

How much UA time are you getting a week? 30+ on an average week. Enjoyable....not at all painful

All you have to tell us is whether you've both been tested.

We do not have to tell an open forum anything WE do not feel comfortable answering. It is not an Enthusiastic Agreement on Both Sides to do this.

You don't have to tell us the results.

Okay - don't tell us. Just do it, if you haven't already.

You don't have to respond to this post. We just want to make you aware of the need for safety.

Thanks SugarCane I obviously wasn't making this ^^^^ point clearly enough.

lsl,

This is what I was trying to convey.

lsl, it sounds like you have done a pretty good job of affair proofing your marriage but I am concerned about the voicemail comment. That is in addition to changing your #s, right? Because it won't help if the OM can still get through and I think that is what you do mean. I just wanted to make sure.
Had to keep the number until I got the new job. Now BS has the phone.

Also, how close do you live to the OM? What about his workplace?
We do not live close at all. This did not take place in the workplace. OM travels doing maintenance. We live in another state from OM and plan on moving even farther away, possibly several states away if we can get jobs.

My main concern is the OM BS who has threatened my BS at his work. That upsets him and me. My BS left his job too and found a new one. Part of it has to do with OM BS, but mostly BS saw it was hurting our marriage. I think this is the main reason I (we) came here. To protect my BS.

It would be nice if he could start his own thread under his own posting name.

Then we can help both of you through recovery.

My BS is looking to see what happens to me out here before he decides whether he will brave the waters.