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It would be nice if he could start his own thread under his own posting name.
Then we can help both of you through recovery.
My BS is looking to see what happens to me out here before he decides whether he will brave the waters. Well BH we only want to help marriages here and I can't imagine anyone doing anything against TOS. Please feel free to post. Having both sides can really help you both. Do you feel you're in recovery?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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My main concern is the OM BS who has threatened my BS at his work. Threatened to do what exactly?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My main concern is the OM BS who has threatened my BS at his work.
Threatened to do what exactly?
Blackmail, the same thing OM and OM BS threatened to do. OM threatened blackmail before the affair ended. OM was extremely jealous of BS in the end, and wanted me all for himself, without giving any reassurances he would leave his BS. I knew then the web I had weaved and how difficult/impossible (seemingly) it would be to get out of the affair.
We believe this would have had disastrous results for my BS and would have kept me and BS from ever getting hired at a new job to work in the field we were in.
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Well BH we only want to help marriages here and I can't imagine anyone doing anything against TOS. Please feel free to post.
Having both sides can really help you both. BS says he doesn't feel that way to help. He doesn't feel you are there to answer WS questions on Day 1 or to give support to WS. He feels it is only support for BS.
Do you feel you're in recovery?
BS does; I do not. Is this support for BS? Is it support for WS?
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Well BH we only want to help marriages here and I can't imagine anyone doing anything against TOS. Please feel free to post. What does TOS mean? Not in acronyms.
Having both sides can really help you both. How I feel is with many of these posts are....WS you are on your own, we are not here to support you or help you, only BS. Perhaps I do not need to be here since just talking about the whole thing takes me back to Day 1, and we should just leave.
Do you feel you're in recovery?
BS does; I do not. Is this support for BS? Is it support for WS?
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We believe this would have had disastrous results for my BS and would have kept me and BS from ever getting hired at a new job to work in the field we were in. lsl, I am confused. How can your husband be blackmailed if he has done nothing wrong?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well BH we only want to help marriages here and I can't imagine anyone doing anything against TOS. Please feel free to post.
Having both sides can really help you both. BS says he doesn't feel that way to help. He doesn't feel you are there to answer WS questions on Day 1 or to give support to WS. He feels it is only support for BS.
Do you feel you're in recovery?
BS does; I do not. Is this support for BS? Is it support for WS? We support the marriage on Marriage Builders. We have helped thousands of couples restore their marriages. Also, if you want to insert a quote in your post, do this: [*quote] paste the quote here [*/quote] <----just remove the asterisks.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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TOS=terms of service
The board has helped thousands of WS and BS. Some FWS(former wayward spouse) are some of our best posters. When anyone truly gets the program they are a true asset.
One of the first things to happen is to establish NC with OM and we needed to ask questions to find out about it.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[quote=lsl]Also, if you want to insert a quote in your post, do this: [*quote] paste the quote here [*/quote] <----just remove the asterisks. A quicker way is to use the quote button at the bottom of every post: Top Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify Email Post The "quote" button produces the quote fully formed. Post your text in underneath the quote, and use the "preview" button to check that your post looks the way you want it to, before you hit "send".
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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My main concern is the OM BS who has threatened my BS at his work.
Threatened to do what exactly?
Blackmail, the same thing OM and OM BS threatened to do. OM threatened blackmail before the affair ended. OM was extremely jealous of BS in the end, and wanted me all for himself, without giving any reassurances he would leave his BS. I knew then the web I had weaved and how difficult/impossible (seemingly) it would be to get out of the affair.
We believe this would have had disastrous results for my BS and would have kept me and BS from ever getting hired at a new job to work in the field we were in. If you are being blackmailed then you need to consult an attorney or the county prosecutor. People are typicAlly blackmailed by threatening to report a crime which has been committed. If you committed a crime then you should be speaking to an attorney.
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The Xlover BS emailed my BS and told him I had set up an email account (which I had not) and told him to tell me to delete it.
The Xlover and his BS are the only ones that have my BS email. BS has not posted his email anywhere. We are getting rid of my BS email too. This is not blackmail
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We have already talked to county about the blackmail they said since a crime has not been committed a.k.a. blackmail they cannot do anything at all. The threat was enough for us to have us both leave our jobs. We have also changed vehicles license plates, etc.
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We have already talked to county about the blackmail they said since a crime has not been committed a.k.a. blackmail they cannot do anything at all. The threat was enough for us to have us both leave our jobs. We have also changed vehicles license plates, etc. What was the threat? What did they threaten to do to you?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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We have already talked to county about the blackmail they said since a crime has not been committed a.k.a. blackmail they cannot do anything at all. The threat was enough for us to have us both leave our jobs. We have also changed vehicles license plates, etc. What was the threat? What did they threaten to do to you? A restraining order is a threat to both our jobs. They also planned to send all emails to my work and BS work. This has a high probability of us losing our jobs. We didn't want to risk it, so we both left.
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A restraining order is a threat to both our jobs. They also planned to send all emails to my work and BS work. This has a high probability of us losing our jobs. We didn't want to risk it, so we both left. 1. There was no restraining order 2. Your husband has done nothing wrong. He is the victim of his wife's affair. Under what circumstances would an employer have had the right to sack an employee who had done nothing wrong, either in the workplace or in his private life? 3. The letters were not sent to the employers as far as you'll ever know. There was simply a "threat" from someone that you don't even know was actually this couple. Yet you both left your jobs? For what on earth reason? You are trying to paint this couple as blackmailing you, but very little of what you've described so far makes any sense to me. You husband chose to leave his job. Why?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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[
What was the threat? What did they threaten to do to you? A restraining order is a threat to both our jobs.[/quote] Was this threat made if you wouldn't leave them alone? Then the solution was to leave them alone. They also planned to send all emails to my work and BS work. This has a high probability of us losing our jobs. We didn't want to risk it, so we both left. But your husband couldn't lose his job if he did nothing wrong. A person can't be fired because his spouse had an affair so I find this explanation confusing. I am not trying to be obtuse, but I don't see how you were "blackmailed." Am I missing something?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The Xlover BS emailed my BS and told him I had set up an email account (which I had not) and told him to tell me to delete it.
The Xlover and his BS are the only ones that have my BS email. BS has not posted his email anywhere. We are getting rid of my BS email too. This is not blackmail never said it was. Threatening to go to my BS work and send out all the emails is, and can get my BS fired (and me) from a job. So he left. And I did too.
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[
What was the threat? What did they threaten to do to you? A restraining order is a threat to both our jobs. Was this threat made if you wouldn't leave them alone? Then the solution was to leave them alone. They also planned to send all emails to my work and BS work. This has a high probability of us losing our jobs. We didn't want to risk it, so we both left. But your husband couldn't lose his job if he did nothing wrong. A person can't be fired because his spouse had an affair so I find this explanation confusing. **some workplaces do not have a tolerance for this. A restraining order guarantees we will not keep our jobs. It will guarantee firing from our jobs and unable to retain a new job in our career fields.....I can't tell you more than that, but we cannot have a restraining order or even a threat like that, Bc we can't afford to both be jobless right now. I am not trying to be obtuse, but I don't see how you were "blackmailed." Am I missing something? [/quote]
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A restraining order guarantees we will not keep our jobs. It will guarantee firing from our jobs and unable to retain a new job in our career fields.....I can't tell you more than that, but we cannot have a restraining order or even a threat like that, Bc we can't afford to both be jobless right now. Yet you chose both to be jobless by leaving your jobs. This makes no sense to me at all.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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A restraining order is a threat to both our jobs. They also planned to send all emails to my work and BS work. This has a high probability of us losing our jobs. We didn't want to risk it, so we both left. 1. There was no restraining order.....*** 2. Your husband has done nothing wrong. He is the victim of his wife's affair. Under what circumstances would an employer have had the right to sack an employee who had done nothing wrong, either in the workplace or in his private life? * a restraining order would lead him to be fired from his job, and prevent him from getting a new one. I Can't go any further with this. can't explain any further on it. We cannot afford a restraining order and will not take that chance, so we got new jobs as a precautionary measure and to get us further away from those two. 3. The letters were not sent to the employers as far as you'll ever know. There was simply a "threat" from someone that you don't even know was actually this couple. OM and OM BS did threaten a restraining order in email, we are not taking any chances. Yet you both left your jobs? For what on earth reason? BC we can lose our jobs over a restraining order. So you think we should have stayed put and waited? You are trying to paint this couple as blackmailing you, but very little of what you've described so far makes any sense to me. You husband chose to leave his job. Why? I'm I'm sorry, I can't go into details about what our jobs are. You either will understand or you won't . The mere threat scared me straight, and I was ready to move country to get away from them.
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