|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
A restraining order guarantees we will not keep our jobs. It will guarantee firing from our jobs and unable to retain a new job in our career fields.....I can't tell you more than that, but we cannot have a restraining order or even a threat like that, Bc we can't afford to both be jobless right now. Yet you chose both to be jobless by leaving your jobs. We are Not jobless! We got new jobs. This makes no sense to me at all. Stop please, stop asking now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391 |
I didn't have my secret decoder ring to even dare to interpret all of the cryptic content about the job situation.....
But,
The bottom line is, that you want them to leave you both alone and have zero contact, right?
Has that been accomplished now?
Wouldn't have a preemptive discussion with both of your employers explaining the potential concerns have been a way to alleviate and mitigate any potential job related turmoil and repercussions?
Was the affair job related?
What's going to prevent this threat from reoccurring at your new job positions?
Did you change your old e-mail address yet now that you both have new jobs?
LTL
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Can you please ask your BH to post? It is very hard to follow you, lsl. This isn't making much sense.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
I didn't have my secret decoder ring to even dare to interpret all of the cryptic content about the job situation.....
But,
The bottom line is, that you want them to leave you both alone and have zero contact, right? Yes!
Has that been accomplished now? Have given my email info to BS to screen until paperwork for my new job comes through and a start date given. Then the account and phone number closes.
Wouldn't have a preemptive discussion with both of your employers explaining the potential concerns have been a way to alleviate and mitigate any potential job related turmoil and repercussions? My BS needed a new job anyways, as it kept him away for long periods of time. A new job was needed to prevent this from happening again. No point explaining this to his old job as it didn't work for either of our EN. Will give supervisor heads up on OM and OM BS upon my exit from work, will not give my boss my new job information, and ask him not to give any information about me to anyone asking.
Was the affair job related? NO. It was through a social group, whom I do not go with anymore. They are all informed of the affair.
What's going to prevent this threat from reoccurring at your new job positions? BS will not be on away for long periods of time again, we follow the steps to meet each others needs, and we do not disclose our new jobs or schedules to anyone other than immediate family.
Did you change your old e-mail address yet now that you both have new jobs? Will change email once new job ppwk is delivered. BS monitors and then will close.
LTL
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
lsl,
Can you please take the time to use the quote feature correctly?
It's pretty easy to do and it's difficult to read through when you post like ^^ the one above.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
How close does the OM live to you?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
After struggling to read this thread, I think what has happened is you had an affair with a man. His wife found out by hacking into her cheating husbands email account and exposed it to your husband.
She has told your husband that you are still trying to contact her husband and that she will seek a restraining order.
At the threat of her seeking a restraining order, you both quit your jobs at separate employers.
Is that a good summation?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[BS will not be on away for long periods of time again, we follow the steps to meet each others needs, and we do not disclose our new jobs or schedules to anyone other than immediate family. I think this is a great first step, but would add one critical thing. The reason the affair occurred is because you have poor boundaries around men. Your husband could have met your needs 100% and been at home every night and you still would have had an affair if your love bank is open to others. So what have you done to change the way you approach other men? Are you aware this is the major reason you had an affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
Can you please take the time to use the quote feature correctly?
Well I guess I'm not smart enough to do that! Have no idea how to do this from my phone
It's pretty easy to do and it's difficult to read through when you post like ^^ the one above.
Sorry I offend everyone on here.....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
Bottom line- If OM or OMBS do not know where we work-they can't threaten us.
If they can't reach our phone lines- they can't threaten us (I AM working on this and will close soon!)
If they can't get through our email-they can't threaten us (Working on this too will close soon once I get paperwork for my new job)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
He lives in another State. My work is TOO CLOSE to where he lives. This is another reason why I got a NEW JOB in another State.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
Yet you chose both to be jobless by leaving your jobs.
We got new jobs, away from OM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
Yet you chose both to be jobless by leaving your jobs.
We got new jobs, away from OM. That is the best outcome. Have you received the help you were seeking? Has the issue of their contacting you been resolved now?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391 |
Can you please take the time to use the quote feature correctly?
Well I guess I'm not smart enough to do that! Have no idea how to do this from my phone
It's pretty easy to do and it's difficult to read through when you post like ^^ the one above.
Sorry I offend everyone on here..... You are not offending anyone, but it is extremely difficult to decipher what reply comments are yours. Even on a cell phone, you can see the little boxes at the bottom right side of any post you wish to QUOTE. Click that QUOTE button to the post you are replying to. It will appear with Quote and /Quote surrounded by rectangular brackets, Quote at the beginning and /Quote at the end. If you only are responding to just one sentence or paragrapgh, then you can delete the rest, or BOLD the section you are referring to, or even change the color of the portion you are replying to or just your response. Usually, it is easier to follow if you put your response After the /Quote ending bracket. I hope that helps. LTL
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
I think what has happened is you had an affair with a man. Yes
His wife found out by hacking into her cheating husbands email account and exposed it to your husband. Yes
She has told your husband that if you are still trying to contact her husband that she will seek a restraining order.
*****Yes, and this will impact us both job-wise. There are jobs where if you have a restraining order filed against you, YOU LOSE YOUR JOB. I know nobody believes me, but it is true.
At the threat of her seeking a restraining order, you both quit your jobs at separate employers. YES we did.
We did a horrible job of not closing my phone right away, because I needed the number while waiting many weeks for a phone call back for a New Job offer.
We did a horrible job of leaving the email open so I could get the final paperwork for my New Job so I could leave the AREA. OM IS TOO CLOSE TO MY WORK, even though it is NOT a workplace relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
You are not offending anyone, but it is extremely difficult to decipher what reply comments are yours.
Even on a cell phone, you can see the little boxes at the bottom right side of any post you wish to QUOTE.
Click that QUOTE button to the post you are replying to.
It will appear with Quote and /Quote surrounded by rectangular brackets, Quote at the beginning and /Quote at the end.
If you only are responding to just one sentence or paragrapgh, then you can delete the rest, or BOLD the section you are referring to, or even change the color of the portion you are replying to or just your response.
Usually, it is easier to follow if you put your response After the /Quote ending bracket.
OK, Thank you.
The phone I used will be shut off very soon, and I will have to relearn a new phone, different make and model.
Sorry for making everyone struggle through this. I hate phones, never liked the stupid things, and don't use them for day to day internet things.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
It sounds like the issue has been resolved.
At this point just focus on following the program in Surviving an Affair
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
I think this is a great first step, but would add one critical thing. The reason the affair occurred is because you have poor boundaries around men. Your husband could have met your needs 100% and been at home every night and you still would have had an affair if your love bank is open to others.
So what have you done to change the way you approach other men?
*** I do not go to any activities without my BS. MY BS works out with me at the gym before work every a.m. My BS goes with me on any recreational activities. I do not talk to men alone, ever, I do not talk to anyone alone, ever. I do not talk to my family, my "friends" (I have no close friends). I do not talk. I do my work. I do not go out in public with anyone other than BS, ever. I come home and talk to my BS. I don't "approach other men". To date, this is what I have done. Even decided not to go to any family gatherings for the holidays; just stay home, away from everyone.
HUGE trust issues, have been in place since before I could talk. Was taught never to trust anyone, not even my family. They hurt you too and cannot be trusted 100%.
Are you aware this is the major reason you had an affair?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 45 |
Have you received the help you were seeking?
Not really, this forum just riled me up. My BS thought it was a bad idea to post, as he said they "will most likely will give little support or help to you."
Has the issue of their contacting you been resolved now? Yes, we can close thread. It was stupid to come out here and waste everybody's time. It was painful coming here-I should have stayed away.
I get that. I'm the horrible person and the ONLY ONE AT FAULT. BS NOT TO BLAME; he didn't know EN.
everything is my fault----always has been---always will be-----
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
I get that. I'm the horrible person and the ONLY ONE AT FAULT. BS NOT TO BLAME; he didn't know EN.
everything is my fault----always has been---always will be----- Well, isn't it true that you are the only one at fault? Your BS isn't at fault for your choice to have an affair, is he? - unless you asked him first and he said "yes".
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
822
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
