I am going to make this abundantly clear. I CANNOT PLAN B. Do you understand? You can sit there and armchair quarterback all you want and tell me I am making excuses or whatever. I thought long and hard last night about how I could Plan B because believe me I want to. I CAN'T. There is NO ONE to act as IM. NO ONE. No church, no school, no family, no friends.

Got it?

I am slowly getting better. My kidney function is slowly coming back, but I may end up with kidney damage. The flu is all but gone. I missed 8 work days in December. The days I did work were miserable.

I got the flu when I was already dehydrated from Crohn's. I did not realize that I was, and it caused the flu to hit me much harder than it ordinarily would have. I ended up in UC getting an IV to rehydrate.

Sir, then there is no help for this situation. Your personal recovery almost totally depends on being able to separate yourself from the hurt that she continues to cause you. I am sorry you have no friends to help. I do hope you will reach out others and find friends who can offer you care and support.

If you really want to do this, it Is far from impossible. I thought that too at one point with my situation, but I made it work. People on this board act as IMs all the time. You could ask if one of the men on this board would be willing to do if for you. As for a physical intermediary, are pick ups and drop offs able to happen at school/daycare? If not, is your oldest old enough to simply walk to the car/front door by herself? If so, let her do that and escort her sister by herself.

People on this board continually express care for your well-being by advising you to do the only thing that will help you truly recover. From your own words/reactions it is clear that Plan A is very difficult for you in such a hurtful situation. I hope and pray that you will find a way to take this advice.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right (Henry Ford)

In just this past 1 week alone, 2 posters have solicited IM's from amongst other posters on this very forum.

They could do it, but for some reason you do not feel that you can???

LTL

Truthfully, I don't get it. But, let me tell you of my personal demon.

From the time I was a kid, I hated getting shots. Who doesn't? The simple thought of sticking needles into myself creeped me out. So, wouldn't you know, 25 years ago I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The only treatment - insulin injections 4 to 5 times a day. Did I ever see myself doing that? - NO. But the only path forward in life simply left me no choice.

My friend, your situation is similar. If doesn't matter how impossible you think it is. There are no other real options. I hope, for your own sake, you understand that.

I won't tell you you have resources if you say you don't. You're the one on the ground.

All I will say is that if it is impossible to eat, you starve. If it impossible to get out of gunfire, you die.

So I hope you are wrong about the possibility of sanity; my condolences if it is truly as hopeless as you say.

And I am sorry you feel so hopeless at this juncture.
You have come so far and we DO care how you are doing here.

When you are feeling better, please reach out to people in your community.
Join groups to make relationships.

Your life can turn around. Be open to that.

The biggest problem this weekend was that she used POSOM's car to drop the girls off. The same car that was outside my house when I caught him there. It brought all those feelings back and I lost it for a couple days.

I still can't believe that she is still seeing him. Nobody in her family likes him. Her father won't allow him in his house and has stopped coming to visit. Her sister has voiced disapproval. My 5 year old doesn't like him. The only people she has left are her drinking buddy enablers. I'm surprised HE hasn't bailed with all the people not on his side. It is just about 2 years. You'd think it would be winding down by now.

Blindside,

Do you watch Youtube? If so, there is a daily video on there which you may enjoy. I personally benefit from it. Just go to Youtube and subscribe to Gary Coxe. He has short, daily videos that are very helpful for dealing with this stress.

For what its worth, my ex wife is still with her affair partner too. Going on nearly 3 years in the affair and 2 years post divorce.

But here is the REAL thing--it doesn't matter if she has chosen to live in the gutter at this point to keep this thing going, any random little thing your xWW does could trigger you. My WH does not post anything about his mistress (or at least didn't when I was looking at it) but posts things like, "what will I regret when I die?" and writes thinly veiled poetry about how lonely he is and how there is nothing to be done about it. Well, if he didn't have a totally underground affair (I exposed the hell out of it and he is ashamed to be public with her, so it must be underground), then he wouldn't be so miserable. I don't sent to see his ridiculous posts. So I deleted Facebook because it hurt me. I went so far as to even get a friend to put a parental control on the website so I wouldn't be tempted to make a dummy account to be able to see a limited version (And believe me, I was super-tempted).

The point is this: if it's not one thing, it'll be another making you miserable. Unfortunately, some affairs last awhile, just like some people are junkies for years. You've reached a point where this is simply hurting you by being exposed to it.

By the way..my WH is basically living in his car to keep his affair up...so I know about people living in the gutter for an affair.

I've known of affairages which last 12-20 years. Miserably abusive unfaithful relationships where they are still trying to prove 'It's love' to any one silly enough to watch.

These particularly stubborn cases did end, but not until something spectacular happened. In one case it was a severe beating that couldn't be covered up. The other was a sex charge regarding a minor.

It's her life to ruin. You have your own to worry about.

My ex has been with his OW for 25 years, married for 20. I'm still hoping they'll crash and burn but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I have no idea of the state of it but from family members on his side I'm still in contact with, they seem fine, who knows.

Was it ever exposed when it first started?

No it wasn't exposed. This was way before my knowledge of MB and I was a total enabler at the time. I played nice so I wouldn't drive him away and did everything the wrong way. I made sure everyone knew they were having an affair before he left me and they got together, but they had no shame at all and didn't seem to care.

If I knew then what I know now, I know I could have saved the marriage but it's all water under the bridge after all these years and my love for him died years ago.

This is an excellent point as to why we encourage posters to follow Dr. Harley's Plan to kill an affair.

My xW filed for divorce very soon after exposure. I think it was partly punitive, partly to justify her affair since she was raised in a Christian home. I guess divorcing me makes it okay to have an affair.

I still sometimes feel like I need to SAY something, at least try to open a dialogue or something, in case she's looking for a way out of the affair that would not damage her pride too much.

But you only did half exposure. You never exposed on OM's side.