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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
Ok I guess let me start by saying we have been married 16 year. I'm 34 she is 32. We are still together at this time but she says that she is not in love with me anymore. And it is crushing me because I am a very emotional guy. I also fight depression and auxity. But what started it all was in 2008 I was talking to a girl that I worked with, nothing sexual ever happened but there started to be feelings involved. Well my wife found out and we delt with what happened and we were ok till 2010 and it started really bothering her and we ended up seperating for about 6 months. While we were seperated I did hook up with one person but that was all it was and I told the wife about it. She said she didn't care cause we were not together. After that 6 months apart we got back together and it was really good till late 2014 she hit me with the I don't love you anymore and she wants a divorce. We have been together since 1998 and I can't see my self with anyone else. I'm so lost and depressed I don't know what to do.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Ok I guess let me start by saying we have been married 16 year. I'm 34 she is 32. We are still together at this time but she says that she is not in love with me anymore. And it is crushing me because I am a very emotional guy. I also fight depression and auxity. But what started it all was in 2008 I was talking to a girl that I worked with, nothing sexual ever happened but there started to be feelings involved. Well my wife found out and we delt with what happened and we were ok till 2010 and it started really bothering her and we ended up seperating for about 6 months. While we were seperated I did hook up with one person but that was all it was and I told the wife about it. She said she didn't care cause we were not together. After that 6 months apart we got back together and it was really good till late 2014 she hit me with the I don't love you anymore and she wants a divorce. We have been together since 1998 and I can't see my self with anyone else. I'm so lost and depressed I don't know what to do. But you did see yourself being with someone else. You could have looked in the mirror while in bed with the other woman you slept with.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Are either of you having an affair at this time?
Any recent affairs?
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
No nothing recent. I totally take the blame if she leaves.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
No nothing recent. I totally take the blame if she leaves. Do you two fight? What are her main complaints? Does she tell you why she doesn't love you? Were your affairs exposed to family and friends? Do you have any contact with these women?
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
We fight. She just says we have grown apart. Yes it was no secret. No contact with either one of them.
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
she says that she is not in love with me anymore. This is a red flag statement that all people make that are having affairs, I would start snooping. Look in the "Operation Investigate" forum for ideas.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
We fight. She just says we have grown apart. Yes it was no secret. No contact with either one of them. Welcome to MB. Were any of your OW married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Find out if she is having an affair.
Also, order the book Surviving An Affair by Dr. Willard Harley.
The problem is that you never showed proper care in your marriage by affair proofing it and have crippled along with affairs.
Would you be willing to live a completely transparent life and NEVER have a personal conversation with a woman other than your wife?
Are you willing to have no passwords, secrets...and Have a fully integrated lifestyle which means never doing anything unless she enthusiastically agrees to it?
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
No the other woman was single. My wife has all my passwords. I am fully open with her.
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
We also have a 16 yo son. He is the best kid anyone could ask for. He is being stong through this. I'm just trying to figure out how to get her back. We have been together half our lives. I love her more and more each day I'm just lost.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
No the other woman was single. My wife has all my passwords. I am fully open with her. Do you have hers? It's supposed to go both ways.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
We also have a 16 yo son. He is the best kid anyone could ask for. He is being stong through this. I'm just trying to figure out how to get her back. We have been together half our lives. I love her more and more each day I'm just lost. Was your affair exposed to him? Was this recent one? Who was your affair exposed to?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 10 |
Yes everyone knew. Yes I have her passwords. Another big stresser in our life right now is that I'm out of work for 6 to 8 weeks and I'm only going to be getting half my paycheck. Also her mom is fighting cancer and it does not look like she is gonna make it another 6 months.
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