Are you going to install spyware as I suggested? Surely you can find $100 to make the purchase right now?

You need to stop crying. You will give yourself away by looking distraught, and she will cover her tracks. You need to stay calm and focused.

DO NOT BE DEVASTATED. Your situation is more hopeful today than it was yesterday. You are closer to the truth and that gives you a HUGE advantage in saving your marriage. You have much to feel hopeful about.

Did you read my posts about the GPS and cell phone spyware?

Try to look normal and if she notices you are stressed, blame it on a bad day at the office.

Have you been able to get the GPS and spyware onto her phone?

Can 12 have a friend to follow or does a PI have to do it? Seems like fun for an adrenaline junky.

Good morning all... so i composed myself and was fine last night.. she came home pretty late from work, when she got home I had dinner made kids bathed, i fed the kids and waited for her to eat. We talked about her day normal stuff.. Yesterday morning she said to me she wanted to get her nails done during lunch and get away for a bit from the office because she was there all weekend. so all i did was asked her if she got a chance to get away or was stuck there all day. She said she only left to get a cup of coffee and pick up munchkins for one of the departments. She didn't mention who she went with ( expected ) and i left it alone, Just responded by saying that was nice of you, sucked you couldn't get your nails done. The rest of the night was normal. ang for the 5th night in a row we shared a bed.

As far as spyware and GPS. Im very leary about the spyware, I spoke to two different PI's for pricing and they both mentioned spywware on the phone, but cautioned me its illegal and I could get in alot of legal trouble if caught. Reason being ( may have forgot to mention this on here ) Her phone is on the company account not mine. It was moved to the corporate account 2 months ago or so. Her boss had her put it on cause she uses is alot for work. Im not sure if I should put myself at such risk, thinking worse case scenario, divorce and custody of kids etc... if ive done illegal things during this will it screw me?

GPS tracking device im looking into. Found a few for about 150 i may buy... I also realized her car has a service that will give you remote access to unlock doors check gas levels and last known location. It was hooked up to her email and account when we first got the car as free trial, we never bothered to sign up for it cause we never used it. Im going to look into turning that back on, but have to make sure nothing goes to her email.

HUGE RED FLAG. This was done to hide her affair. This maybe illegal though I have not heard of anyone going to jail for this. What business wants the publicity of News stories with :

BH On Trial, Spy Ware On WW Phone, Catch Her And Fellow Employee/OM In Affair On Company Time Using Company Resources, more to come later on the 11 o'clock news.

Yes a red flag, but as far as illegal.. i doubt it would make the news, To be honest i dont care about the news or jail... Jail or not its illegal activity and can it negativly effect me financially, and custody of kids etc in worst case scenario of a divorce? Thats all i care about. ill gladly go to jail for short period of time if i knew it wouldn't affect my career, financial well being and my kids.

Wait. What?

You don't have access to this company cell phone's records, right??

No... back in june when i found the calls, i had access as it was our account. for the following several months i had access and no calls. in Late OCT early NOV her phone was moved to the company account. It was something her and i talked about over a year ago, her boss kept pushing her to move it over and it would save us money. She wasn't in a rush to do it. I actually have met her boss a few times and one of those times it was mentioned in front of me, I know it wasn't her doing. Eventually her boss insisted on it as well as got her a new phone from the company. When she got this new phone is when I lost GPS and phone records. When I had access i was randomly checking and found nothing. As of now my only access to phone info is directly on the phone itself. When i have access to it i can look at recent calls and texts etc.. im aware it can all be deleted.

Gaaaaah! Been there...Done that! HUGE

Seriously?

I am just amazed that you spent about 10 pages trying to convince us there WAS NO affair and that you had done x y and z snooping and NOTHING was turning up but failed to mention this to us.

ESL, you are going to have to cut this crap out.

Listen... I appreciate the tough love... I appreciate all the advice... This is difficult for me as im sure many others in my situation. My entire life ive been calm collected and great under pressure. I never sweat the small stuff and have always been a rock... THIS has buckled my knees.. Ive never felt so much pain and sadness in my life before, this is new to me, this is the hardest thing ive EVER had to deal with. IM sorry if im not handleing it my best, and im sorry that you all feel im not taking this seriously... I have been bombarded at different angles by many of you. Im trying my best to get all info and details to you i can. My mind is all over the place if if i missed something im sorry. Im aware of all the red flags.. im aware there is a huge problem here, I am aware i need to find a way to get evidence. Im ashamed of who i am right now, weak and pathetic and crying. I can't explain it, im just crushed right now and trying my best.

and just to add here... i spent that last 10 pages explaining my snooping efforts and that so far no evidence, and i didn't THINK there was an affair... Right now there's TONS of red flags, but still no evidence. Do I think there is an affair, yes, very likely.

You owe posters an apology, ESL.

After extensive questioning from posters about how your WW could be communicating with this guy, this company phone that you don't have any access to SHOULD HAVE BEEN mentioned!

I understand. I have been through this not only 3 times myself but once with my little sister.

I get it!

But we can't help you if you aren't honest with us.

This company phone IS her only phone, when i speak of the phone thats the phone. Everything I listed above is all true... ive checked phone records for months up till 2 months ago. I physically check her phone when its laying around... when i check texts and phone calls, its that phone!

My guess is 99% of this affair is conducted during work hours or texting on the cell phone that you have no access to.

How do I know? Because that's how my ex conducted ALL of his workplace affairs. There was no unexplained time away from home except for the workplace.

You are going to have to be patient with the VAR and maybe have a friend stake out the workplace with a camera during lunch hour and follow her when she's at her mom's if you won't get a PI.

You need evidence and you have to figure out a way to get it, ESL. There is no getting around this step. I hope you understand that.

Looking at a wayward's phone for evidence is a COMPLETE JOKE.

You made ZERO mention of the fact that you don't have access to the records, and yes, you were questioned about this.

She is using the company phone to communicate with the OM. And erasing the texts and evidence. You understand this, right???

I understand i need evidence and am trying...

My question here.... What is considered evidence? I understand a VAR catching inappropriate conversations with him, or two friends about him...

Im asking about things like taking a picture of them going to lunch or getting coffee... Although upsetting.. and although i dont think they are just friends... How does a picture of them getting in car to grab a cup of coffee provide evidence of an affair? Granted if they get in the car and park behind a building, or at a motel its a different story...

This is a full blown affair, ESL. They aren't just texting or getting coffee.

I say this as kindly as I can...you need to wake up before it is too late.