AMM,

I am a betrayed wife and while the advice is slightly different for women, I can tell you that this plan works to recover from the mental trauma of what is happening to you (and it is extremely traumatic, I know). I spent extremely precious time flailing around, going to counselors and doing ridiculous things that don't work. Affairs have a very specific psychology that Dr. Harley understands well. Turn to your supporters for help when needed.

Please consider listening to the advice given for betrayed husbands: expose and confront OM (protect your family and marriage)! Once you do this, do a strong plan A. Be the leader of your household. Defend it. Your kids (and honestly, your wife, even though she doesn't know it yet) are depending on you.

Do you not comprehend that we have been through this before ourselves? And have come out the other side??

We are trying to help you avoid making mistakes and wasting your time. Counseling is a waste of your time. Sitting in an office talking about your tragedy will not help you. It will prolong your grief. Focusing on a PLAN to create a great, affair proof marriage will DIMINISH your grief and allow you to recover FASTER.

Our "plan" does address your feelings by giving you the appropriate steps to save your marriage. Following these steps will restore your peace of mind and save your marriage, but it will take 2 years. A "counselor" will be able to help you with that.

The only things that will make you feel better is a) turning your marriage around and b) getting on anti-depressants.

Let me put this another way. The best way to solve a problem is to take ACTION. You won't solve the problem by sitting in an office talking about it.

Actually the reason people are urging you to follow the plan and disregard counseling is precisely because of your fragile mental state. You are very easily manipulated right now because of how scared and hurt you are.

The Plan is a way for you to know what to do without having to count on your feelings and emotions, because they will betray you and steer you to doing foolish and desperate things. The Plan is a way for you to be stronger than your feelings would otherwise allow you to be in this sort of situation.

Been in your shoes before, AAM2015. You need to ditch the counselor because their primary concern is not likely to be saving your marriage, and even if it is, it is unlikely that they know how to. Statistically most marriage counselors are overwhelmingly ineffective.

The hardest part about being in the early stages of this like you are is getting contradictory advice. Wait and see, the people here will tell you what's going to happen before it actually does. Most of the people around you will turn out to be far less accurate.

People here have experience with infidelity that nobody around you does.

AMM,
I used to be married to a cheater. I understand where you are. If you want to get out of that place, you need to regain control of yourself and your life. Working the plan helps. YOU decide what what your plan will look like. Write it down, share it with the pros here, they will help you, but since YOU need to execute, YOU need to OWN the plan.

Once you are working the plan, you are in control of yourself and the consequences of others choices. You will never control their (her) actions so forget about that. Control yourself and YOUR actions, all else will fall into place. If you create a plan based on Dr. Harley's concepts and execute on it, you will end up happily married or happily divorced.

So, you said you were going to get and read SAA. Good choice. Put it on your plan. You are struggling to make it through the day, make an appt with your Dr. Mine prescribed Xanax, but when I told him I was eating them like candy, he put me on Lexapro instead. Then he told me to take Lunesta to stay asleep. There is more, I won't bore you but get that on your plan.

Read the exposure thread, already linked.

Snoop.

Get something to eat.

Start acting on this. You can save your marriage and your children if you plan and act on the plan.

Let your physician know that you are having a crisis in your life. That you discovered your wife is cheating on you and you are overwhelmed by it and would like to get medication to ride the out nightmare. ASAP.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

A lot of the members of the board remember going through what you are facing today. It is with out doubt one of the most difficult things you will ever face. I had to constantly remind myself to do the simple things like eat and drink. Also, it helped me to slowly start an exercise regimen. All of these things will help clear your mind and keep you in the game.

Please listen to the clips in here.

Beware of Bad Counselors