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Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Had to stand up for myself in some other areas of my life and I think that is triggering this. My apartment manager is flat-out refusing to enforce the smoke part of the Quiet Enjoyment clause (he's a smoker). He said I could get out of my lease early, no penalties but I can't face moving again. I'm still living in boxes here and feel so wrecked. I tracked down the building owner and sent him a certified letter and the managers written response, and a copy of the lease. I'm asking for rent money back for months I've had to deal with smoke, as well as moving expenses if they breech the lease. Ugh.
.


I would just move so your new life can start sooner than later. So much the better if your stuff is still in boxes.

Get friends round to help and order pizza.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
I would just move so your new life can start sooner than later. So much the better if your stuff is still in boxes.

Get friends round to help and order pizza.

That's a thought. I'm too busy now to deal with it now, but this summer. I was thinking about doing another year at this school but am not sure now. So perhaps moving to LA would be the ticket. Or home to the midwest.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by luna_alpha
It is hard to accept that he really wasn't a buyer. .


The momma's boy freeloader? The one with a bevy of different women, even at work, spoonfeeding him his every whim?

The one who not only failed to give you extraordinary care, but basically ordinary notice? Who you had to 'sweet talk' into being with you? The one who got mad whenever you were happy because it made you less pliable for manipulation?

Divorce is a get out of jail free card for you. You are making films with famous people for crying out loud and you were a quivering wreck when you got here.

Having a day here and there when the injustice of the entire fraud sideswipes you is pretty normal.

As long as you are on plan and not being triggered a happy life awaits you.

Holy cow. Thank you for the reality check. I can't argue with any of your points - they are all true. I think I need to print this and put it on my bathroom vanity for a while.

We had film training last night where our famous guy went through lighting two scenes. I was happy to 1. have the photography and film background to understand everything he was talking about and 2. have enough experience to understand just how beautiful and expertly he did it. It was phenomenal. I can't believe how beautiful this film is going to look. Yes, my career has started! Woot!

It was also has been great talking to all the actors who love the script. I feel like a movie star in this whole process.

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I've been saying "Divorce is my get out of jail free card" for the last day or so. It has helped! I'm also trying to think of other guys who've broken my heart in the past that I would not give the time of day to now... and reminding myself that some day the xH will be smack in the middle of that pile.

And since he's unlikely to change his ways, his affair woman is will get what I got or worse. Probably worse, since if they marry and have kids, it will take it to the whole next level of craptasticness when he won't consider her feelings.

It is so irritating to catch myself thinking about his cheat and lying and lack of care... like "stop renting space in my head"!

Need to buy a box of rubber bands or something.

The thing I like about marriage builders is knowing the key to making romantic love. I'm looking at people that I would not normally have thought of as possible dates and considering their overall qualities in terms of kindness and responsibility. Not having that immediate spark is not the deal breaker it used to be. I think I'm going to be in a much better place to evaluate possible candidates than I ever was before.


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Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Originally Posted by indiegirl
I would just move so your new life can start sooner than later. So much the better if your stuff is still in boxes.

Get friends round to help and order pizza.

That's a thought. I'm too busy now to deal with it now, but this summer. I was thinking about doing another year at this school but am not sure now. So perhaps moving to LA would be the ticket. Or home to the midwest.

Move to LA! Let's hang out.


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Don't know...Not sure any one town could hold you both!



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Haha, that would be awesome!

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Saw rehearsals today of my script with the camera and crew. Lighting tomorrow afternoon and then shooting starts at 7 pm tomorrow night. So excited.

It is a rush to see something you wrote down while sitting down in some coffee shop come to life before your eyes from the efforts of a whole crew of people. Forget directing... I want to keep writing!

This has been a pretty magical week. Thanks guys for helping me get to a place where I can really enjoy this instead of being a wreck, like I was six months ago. Things are looking up.

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Oh yeah, and thanks Indie for the advice about moving. I've looked into it and the plan is I'm off to LA as soon as the school year is over. Moving on to new and exciting things!

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Message me when you move!


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Will do!

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So exciting laugh


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Lots of good things happened recently. The last script I handed in received the feedback that it's the best, most solid script the teacher had seen from me. It was like all the learning from the last eighteen months just clicked. I could feel it too. I was so swamped that I had to quickly outline a second episode for my TV show and I did it in ten minutes flat. A four act TV show with tag and teaser, and four interlocking threads that paid off together in the end. I was like a machine, and yet at the same time, it seemed so easy.

I feel ready to graduate and do this stuff for real.

On the other hand, I'm exhausted and on the verge of getting sick. Too much of anything can be, well, too much.

Met up with an old advisor from my PhD. He had hinted at the time (back then) that he was interested, but he was married and he had three kids. I'm not the married guy type, so I kept him at arm's distance. He did come around when he was single, but I decided no, not for me. After that he went on to have two kids with another woman without marrying her. So five kids total, one born a year after his divorce (suspicious in my book).

Anyhow, we talked about my not having kids and I caught him giving me a look of pity at one point. (Yes, it's sad I didn't have kids, but I think I'm over it. And I have a lot more free time because of it.) But the best part is that I felt nothing from that look. Not bad, not judged... more like "ha! don't you dare, not when you were shopping around for a woman while you were still married."

Thank goodness for the clear rules of MB. It makes things so much easier on some levels. I feel like I have clarity on things that before I was just going on instinct. At least for this one my instinct was right on.

Made plans with a girlfriend to work on our online profiles next Wednesday morning. Bit nervous. I'm living close to LA and I am not the wear lots of makeup type nor do I have a high maintenance hair style. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Oddly enough, I got a lot of reassurance from my teaching reviews since more than one commented on how cute I was - and that is the me without makeup, and with wild curly hair. Don't get me wrong, I am not looking to date my students, it is just nice to know that I am *someone's* type - and chances are there will those who think the same who are closer to my age.

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**EDIT**

Hope you are doing well.

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Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Lots of good things happened recently. The last script I handed in received the feedback that it's the best, most solid script the teacher had seen from me. It was like all the learning from the last eighteen months just clicked. I could feel it too. I was so swamped that I had to quickly outline a second episode for my TV show and I did it in ten minutes flat. A four act TV show with tag and teaser, and four interlocking threads that paid off together in the end. I was like a machine, and yet at the same time, it seemed so easy.

I feel ready to graduate and do this stuff for real.

On the other hand, I'm exhausted and on the verge of getting sick. Too much of anything can be, well, too much.

Met up with an old advisor from my PhD. He had hinted at the time (back then) that he was interested, but he was married and he had three kids. I'm not the married guy type, so I kept him at arm's distance. He did come around when he was single, but I decided no, not for me. After that he went on to have two kids with another woman without marrying her. So five kids total, one born a year after his divorce (suspicious in my book).

Anyhow, we talked about my not having kids and I caught him giving me a look of pity at one point. (Yes, it's sad I didn't have kids, but I think I'm over it. And I have a lot more free time because of it.) But the best part is that I felt nothing from that look. Not bad, not judged... more like "ha! don't you dare, not when you were shopping around for a woman while you were still married."

Thank goodness for the clear rules of MB. It makes things so much easier on some levels. I feel like I have clarity on things that before I was just going on instinct.


I know just how you feel.

Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Bit nervous. I'm living close to LA and I am not the wear lots of makeup type nor do I have a high maintenance hair style. .


It's good to stand out! So many men don't like that stuff and you will be a breath of fresh air for that type.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Thanks SC and Indie.

I went to an all day writing seminar yesterday in LA. It was great. I was looking at the panelists on stage thinking, I can do this! I will do this! I got a few great tips and at least one major change for my work flow. I am so jazzed to move to LA.

On the way out the door, I recognized an actor from a show I used to watch - almost walked into him and realized at one point he was sitting right behind me. Suppose I'll have to get used to that sort of thing, but for me it was a thrill! And he was so much more attractive in person - loved it!

I put a profile up on Match last week. Think I'm going to take it down before the end of the seven day trial. I'm not ready. A few stand out possibles in that they wrote good emails, but they haven't responded to my responses, which is fine. One thing at a time. I feel prepared to deal with the dating issues when I'm ready to explore that part of my life again. But right now I have some other things I want to give my time and attention to.

Related note, I love the men to women ratio here. Much better than where I grew up where there was one man for every five women it seemed. I didn't realize how personally I took that difficulty until getting here and it is so easy. Numbers matter.

Purged wedding stuff. The invites and that crap don't even look attractive to me anymore. The ring and the photos are memory enough for now - the rest can go. This is big for me since I tend to hoard mementos. I'm doing a pretty good job purging overall thanks to the ADs dropping my anxiety levels. Yay Dr. H!

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Bit nervous. I'm living close to LA and I am not the wear lots of makeup type nor do I have a high maintenance hair style. .


It's good to stand out! So many men don't like that stuff and you will be a breath of fresh air for that type.

That is an awesome point. I will keep that in mind. smile I am in good physical shape, and have decent clothes, so it's not like I neglect myself, I just don't feel comfortable with a lot of face paint. I will do what I like (concealer and lip color), and the rest will take care of itself.

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Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by luna_alpha
Bit nervous. I'm living close to LA and I am not the wear lots of makeup type nor do I have a high maintenance hair style. .


It's good to stand out! So many men don't like that stuff and you will be a breath of fresh air for that type.

That is an awesome point. I will keep that in mind. smile I am in good physical shape, and have decent clothes, so it's not like I neglect myself, I just don't feel comfortable with a lot of face paint. I will do what I like (concealer and lip color), and the rest will take care of itself.

I am sorry but I disagree. Most men say they want the "natural" look but if you do it right it will look natural. I personally think women, especially as we get older, need makeup.

I do the 5 min face for every day stuff, but for special outings and dates I do the full face and hair and have never been anything but complimented, most of the ladies in my life ask me for make up advice (Youtube is a great tool!).

The pics I post where I am done up (FB or online dating) are the ones that I get a lot of *likes* and attention from the single guys, and I noticed most of the single men that I am still friends with and are dating other women - the women are the ones who are more on the "high maintenance" side of the spectrum vs the natural look.


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I also know two married women who never wear make up - and never did when dating either.

Frankly, I am not going to do something I'll hate, to attract someone I'll resent for it.

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Originally Posted by luna_alpha
I also know two married women who never wear make up - and never did when dating either.

Frankly, I am not going to do something I'll hate, to attract someone I'll resent for it.

I used to feel the same way. I only started using makeup in about the last 5-6 yrs and never imagined I would enjoy using makeup or it would be so easy. It's a habit like anything else.

You can obviously do anything you want, it makes no difference to me....but here's what Dr Harley says in HNHN, under Physical Attractiveness, for anyone following who is interested:

Quote
The Use of Makeup

Rose came into my office looking more like a clown than a well made up woman. Although she might have had some attractive features, they lay buried beneath a mass of colors vying for attention. In her effort to make herself attractive, something had gone wrong. She hadn't used the makeup to her advantage.

Cosmetics have been around since ancient Egyptian times, and with our modern multibillion-dollar cosmetic industry no woman has the excuse that help is not available. Most women who use no makeup or use it inappropriately simply lack the initiative to get the help they need.

Some women have never learned to apply makeup to their best advantage. As in Rose's case, I sometimes step in where angels fear to tread and suggest that she might seek professional advice. Some cosmetic studios or large department stores provide free consultations. Of course much depends on the knowledge of the person who gives the consultation, but many can give good advice. Women's magazines also publish articles that will help achieve the same goal. I've found that eye makeup along with eyebrow shaping tend to be the most important.

I have seen many women make dramatic improvements in their appearance just by applying makeup more effectively. Almost always when single women make these changes, single men pay more attention and ask them out on dates. The husbands of women who make an effort to improve their use of makeup appreciate and encourage the change if their wife has done it for them. While your objective is to meet his need for physical attractiveness, you should also like the change as well. Don't use cosmetics in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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