Oh no, high school football(especially Tx football) is much more than one night a week and short afternoon practices. This is not just my husband being there is the requirements of all the staff. It's not like he stays after others have been released. In fact, sometimes they tease him about being the first out the door.

They have two game nights a week (one sub-varsity and one varsity) coaches have responsibilities on both nights. He is also the one stuck driving the bus a lot of times....

I'm sorry that I am coming across in such a manner to you. I am only saying "I can't" when they are things that are out of my control. .

I do want help from them, but to be honest, I am a little nervous about this. I feel like I would be betraying him by talking to them behind his back, but I am pretty sure he wouldn't be on board with it. I don't want to backtrack now that he says he is willing to try.

Along these same lines....I honestly feel like I shouldn't be on here asking for help, but I am so desperate and am only wanting to help us. Would coming here be a violation to the POJA?

I do have a question for you about the jealousy issue, and the way y'all handle it. If this is too personal to ask, then I apologize... Has there been a past affair that created the jealousy or was it always there? Does it not bother you at all that she feels this way at all about you? This is something that has really hurt me time and time again throughout our marriage.

I feel as though he has no faith in me or us, and I have never done anything to bring those feelings on.

At first I tried to be considerate and understanding, but it seemed to only make the matter worse.

Markos has never had an affair. He welcomes me checking up on him because:
1. He has nothing to hide
2. It alleviates any fears or "insecurities" that I have. When I see that he's really not up to anything, it CREATES trust.

JBKT16, that sounds so much like how Prisca and I used to be. We didn't have a lot of trouble being in love with each other, when we weren't fighting, because we were great at meeting each other's emotional needs. But we were terrible at love busters, and therefore we were terrible at resolving conflicts.

Something I'm seeing here is that you need to keep problems on the front burner. Your husband agreed to do Marriage Builders with you, but then nothing happened for a week. Instead of letting a week go by, bring it up EVERY DAY which will show him it is important to you. Your husband engages in selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, and angry outbursts. Each and every time this needs to go on a worksheet like Dr. Harley describes in Love Busters and you need to give him that worksheet each week and keep a record, with him striving to get that worksheet empty for an entire week at a time.

But for this to work you have got to bring it up and keep bringing it up - it is an issue, and it has got to stay an issue.

...

I believe you two need to work through the book Love Busters together, focusing on the first few chapters and exchanging the weekly worksheets Dr. Harley suggests, until the worksheets are empty. Then after Love Busters if you work through He Wins She Wins, you will probably have a great marriage, because it sounds like you already know how to meet each other's emotional needs. Along the way you will learn to resolve the difficulty that he is causing by not giving adequate time to meet your needs.

I would bring this up to your husband EVERY DAY. If he agrees one day, bring it up the next day until he does it. If he refuses or never gets around to it, keep bringing it up, but find out what Dr. Harley suggests.

JBKT16, I am a little bit worried that in the discussion about jealousy and the discussion about UA time, that this may have been missed. Please reread it:


Since your husband said he'll do Marriage Builders with you, order Love Busters and ask him to go through the first few chapters with you and start exchanging the worksheets it suggests. See if he says yes or no. We really need to know what his answer is before going further.

You are not the first one to show up who thought MB had some good ideas, but not all of it was possible. You are not the first to think that your situation was somehow different, and that you'd just have to somehow make it work differently.

I did, too.

It doesn't work. This program WILL NOT WORK if you cherry-pick it to death.

The only past affair in our marriage is hers, actually. I have never had an affair.

No, it does not bother me at all for Prisca to feel jealous about me or for her to check up on me. I feel good about having her 100% integrated into my life. We have an exclusive relationship, so of course a natural consequence of that is that neither one of us wants the other to do anything that would jeopardize that.

But of course Prisca is never demanding, disrespectful, or angry about it. I suspect that if your husband were to eliminate the demands, disrespect, or anger, the jealousy would not bother you as much. One of the biggest lessons around here is that negative feelings don't have to lead to negative abusive behavior. That's why it's so crucial for your husband to get on board with the plan to eliminate love busters and exchange the weekly worksheets.


It's the other way around - you have to do something to bring on feelings of trust. For example, when he stops being demanding, disrespectful, and angry, you will begin to feel trust that he's not going to hurt you!


You can be considerate and understanding and also insist that you will not tolerate demands, disrespect, and angry outbursts. That's how Prisca treats me.

I apologize if what I asked was disrespectful or anything toward y'all, I was not trying to come across that way.

[I do not think "it has some good ideas..." I think it is 1000% correct, but for some reason y'all are not understanding that he is NOT going to quit his career, and I am not going to divorce him just because he won't. .

Btw that's still only 2 nights. For 11 weeks per year.


Prove to me the schedule is that bad. Write the whole thing down. (Are you catching my skepticism? It's because I work way more hours and still manage to make my husband my #1 priority.)

[

Most people do NOT understand how many hours these coaches put in but are quick to complain when their teams are not the best in Texas...

What we DO understand is that it is not working for your marriage, so your first goal is to change this.

Have you heard back from Dr. Harley?