Also, contact the court Pro Se assistance department.

They will assist you with whatever forms need to be filled out.

Often times, a way to engage an attorney you like, is to sit through several divorce hearings in that specific court room and decide who seems like you would click with.

I have seen them offer better financial terms when approached in the court hallway after they get done with their current case.

You can also ask their current client what their opinion of their overall business practice is.

Did they represent them aggressively?
Were they open to the clients requests?
Did they keep their client informed with updates?
Do they promptly return phone calls?
Etc.....

LTL

OK. It probably isn't very expensive to have your lawyer send a fear of God letter warning them that any property assessments must be done through her and that any further in-person approaches, in any format but most particularly to the property, will be seen as harassment and dealt with accordingly.

I think that would probably work but also you could plan that any further calls upon you, you don't answer the door, call the police and then the RO probably would prove cost effective if they are that persistent.

As for separation/divorce it's up to you if you would rather save money or keep the marriage legal. It won't make any difference to recovery but if he wants to come back you'll need to remarry. Some people like the idea of a whole new marriage.

x 2

I would file for D. The 120 days is just a minimum not the time you will be divorced in. SInce you have a business, it will take waaaay longer than 120 days.

Don't pay her $3k for an RO. That doesn't even make sense to me and I have never heard an attorney charging for one like that. Are you sure the $3k isn't for the Retainer? You can file an RO with the police department. In my state, a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) is automatically issued.

Whatever you file, a Motion for Temporary Orders should be filed with it or ASAP. You need to ask for exclusive use of the marital home to keep WH off the property.

I just got home, the $3,000 is her retainer, and if at the end of my case, there is money left, it is refunded. I trust her, she is easy to work with.

We opted to go for divorce, and not the harassment restraining order, she didn't feel the judge would think there was enough there to warrant one.

She said this will protect me from harassment technically, make him responsible for paying his share, and keep him from being able to take things. But, this will not protect me from whatever happens at the restaurant. The only way to do that she said, was to work it myself, but that is just not possible. My H was the head cook, and without him, it will never be the same. I have no restaurant experience, and it would not be possible to afford to pay 2 cooks to replace him. Especially after the damage that has been done to the restaurant already because of his actions.

She said the judge will be the one making the decisions based on finances, and who pays, since I am not employed yet. I am actively looking for work though.

If you have exclusive use of the house, then you probably don't even need the RO against OW unless something else happens later. If WH can't step foot on the property then OW won't be coming over either...two birds, one 2x4. If she showed up to your house, you can call the police for trespassing and go from there. I would focus on getting the D paperwork filed and including an RO against WH.

A question I have, if he is served the D papers, can I still send him the Plan B letter?

Looks like we crossed posted before.

Yes you still send the Plan B letter. If anything the D filing adds teeth to the Plan B because he can see you are serious that you won't tolerate his affair and his bad behavior any longer.

She said there will be a meeting to discuss the contents of the divorce, what happens, and who gets what. Can I send the letter before that, or what would be best?

This is such a terrifying and confusing time for me.

The order he receives things doesn't matter.

I know you are anxious but don't think about how things appear to him. He has no brain! There are waywards who come out the other side of the fog who have NO memory of things they did or said.

As long as you protect yourself from a) contact/abuse and b) being cleaned out of cash - you are on plan.

As long as you don't lovebust - don't worry about how you appear That time, Plan A time, is over. You did an AMAZING Plan A, but it is not a good idea to give an addict a free pass with no conditions or consequences indefinitely.

Now it's time to get out of the hail of bullets and tuck yourself up cozy in your own tailor-made-for-you Plan B.

I don't think it matters much since WSs are in lalaland as Indie said.

When did the attorney say the Petition will be filed and he can be served? I would serve him at the restaurant.

ETA: Can you cite adultery as fault?

Hey lady!

I did ask about the affair/adultery effecting this, and she said there is "technically" a law on the books in our state, but it is never enforced, so don't lay any hopes on that at all.

He will be served today, but the restaurant is closed.

The real kicker for me, is that he will be served by the owner of his competition in the area! Another restaurant owner! LMAO!!

GREAT NEWS!!!! I just received the call for a second interview for the job I applied for at the local hospital. I had my first interview last week, and he said it would be a couple weeks before I'd hear from him if they were going to call my back. It hasn't even been a full week, and they called me back for tomorrow! Woot Woot!

Great! Good luck with the second interview, too!

Go get it. All your attention has to be on you now. Don't just survive, thrive

And do not go out of your way to let him know you may, or will be getting a job.

That information will come out during Discovery Motions, just as him having to be accountable for any Cash Withdrawals and "Under The Table" payments made to certain employees.

He will realize what a piece of work he wound up taking up with for his affair partner when everything comes crumbling down around them.

LTL

Yes, this is what I meant by the caution not to "gaslight" yourself. Don't second guess or for one second blame your faults (you mean you have a few? :)) for the affair. Indie already addressed, but wanted to clarify.

You may be scared and anxious, but never, ever second guess your actions.

I'll back out now so as not to clutter your messages at this time of action unless I have some valuable fact to add. Stay focused! You are doing great.

PS: glad the TPO $$ was addressed as that would be insane. In my state and town that they are handed out like jelly beans on Easter.

PS: great news on the job!!

Thank you everyone for the good wishes! I appreciate it, and I'm not nervous at all about this! I am positive I will nail this, and get the job..........and no way in HE** will I tell him!

So today, I did two withdraws from the account, the first was just over $3,200., and the second just over $1,500. I first took half of what was deposited from the CC charge deposits, and then he finally made the cash deposit, so I took half of that. Shortly after I took the second deposit, I got a call from the woman who had been helping me at the bank, and she told me checks were starting to come in. I said, oh well, it is not my problem, he will need to deal with it, and she said "OK, I just had to let you know."

Then, on top of what I took, without realizing what I was doing, he gave me $750 in the joint account, which I happily moved over to my individual account that he cannot access. It worked out way way better for me to have waited to do this today, than if I had taken half last week.

He is supposed to get served papers on Wed, there was a timing conflict that delayed him being served. But, that means he will still be here tomorrow working on the garage, and Wed. There is nothing I can do. I tried to give him an excuse that it doesn't work for me, but was promptly told, "I don't give a sh*t about your schedule." My lawyer told me to make sure I am home, and that I have someone with me as witness, so my mom is coming tomorrow to stay with me the rest of the week. She will be alone while I am at my interview, but he won't bother her. It's me he's upset with.

I find this truly heartbreaking. H will literally be losing everything he had, all at once, and he doesn't even realize it yet. The business is going to be lost, the respect and admiration he had from the customers is already gone, and he is losing his wife........along with half his funds he thought he had. I will never understand why he did this to himself, for some POSOW, and someone that is going to leave him when she realizes he is no longer her sugar daddy. I hope he can recover from this, but right now all I'm worried about is me.

I did have some very happy news tonight, from my friend at the restaurant. I asked her what our regular customers are saying, because all I hear is what H tells me, and it's never good. I'm selfish, they saw this coming from me, and bla bla bla. But my friend said to me, "if you only knew how concerned these people are for you, and how worried they are, it would warm your heart. They pull me aside, and ask me how you are doing, and send their best. They all stand up for you, and cannot believe what he has done to both of you." It made me feel happy inside for once, and loved. Warm fuzzies.