It decreases the odds exponentially.

Others may go all the way to state that for sure it is impossible too.

If she is a good Nun, then she is very well versed in reconciliation, penance and forgiveness as well.

Since she is so well thought of by your Wayward Husband, she more than likely would be one of your most strategic allies in fighting this sin as defined in the Holy Commandments.

LTL

what i meant by a close cousin being a deal breaker is that a close cousin would be someone in our lives, close to our kids and family and that would be too much.

does everyone agree that i should expose? it really feels wrong! i know they are the ones in the wrong but should i really explode this bomb?

Yes! Expose. It does feel counter-intuitive, but it is the best thing you can do for your marriage.

ok i took the first step i forwarded the messages the ow sent me yesterday admitting to affair and being really nasty, to my 2 sister in laws, i feel sick!

You are bring the truth to light. And you should DEFINITELY expose to your aunt who is a nun. This woman has made it her life's work to stand against evil. She will certainly want to stand against it in her own family.

i feel like everything is more hopeless now than 5 weeks ago on dday!!

Listen the most important thing is following a plan.
There is always hope.
In his book Leadership, Rudy Guliani explained the challenges he faced when terrorism struck NYC. I remember from the book how he explained he was tired and worn out, but still took time to read a little from Churchill and get some sleep.
He knew they had a plan (although it changed often) and he had hope they would get through it

Stick to the MB plan.

I thought A Few Good Men showed that people CAN handle the truth.

i know i'm exhausted, physically and mentally worn out! i want to be able to sleep, eat and think about something other than this!!!

You need to finish all exposures

Everyone feels that way BEFORE they do it. You will feel better about it after you've done it and a few days passes. Eventually you will be glad you did it.

Sorry jules. This is the reason why exposure needs to happen ASAP and shouldn't be dragged out. It's been 5-6 weeks since Dday and nothing could improve during that time. Exposure also helps you get a support system which any BS needs because it IS exhausting to deal with infidelity. Things will get better but the first steps need to happen or you will always be exhausted and anxious as nothing would change.

Hugs to you. Hang in there.

When you forwarded the emails to your Sisters-in-Law did you also follow the sample letters they have on this site where you explain you are trying to save your marriage and looking for their support?

Remember, exposure is not just a tool to punish and humiliate - it is a tool to kill the affair, prevent future affairs, and get support for your marriage from family and friends. That's why you explain you want to save your marriage and need their support. And why you do it all at once - kaboom!

the truth is out! and i do feel better. i exposed on her side last night. i have had her brothers (who she looks up ) on the phone to me all morning expressing how disgusted they are, that shes band from all contact from our side of the family and they will be finished with her altogether if she tries to make any contact with me or wh.

i did explain im trying to save our marriage and we cant move on if she is still in our lives. they support me 100%. thank god.

Exposed to everyone? Kids too?

Exposures should hit them all at once. The addiction will lead them to mislead anyone missed out.

Well done!

Most people are supportive but it's also important to smoke out the unsupportive so you know who they are.

i did not expose to my children they are only 8&9 and i decided not to tell them. i am really hoping that things will change and all of this was the right thing to do.
when MB talks about withdrawl in WH does that mean that will probably happen from now?

Your children need to know the truth as to why there is turmoil in their home and lives. Otherwise, they look inside of themselves and feel they are partly to blame.

Do you want them to even partially feel that your husbands affair is partly due to them?

It is very simple.

You tell them that they need to know that Daddy is making wrong choices and married people are not supposed to date anyone else, and even though there are things You could have done better, cheating is NOT the way a good person should handle things instead of working on any problems.

They could be one of the greatest assets in breaking up the affair, but most importantly, they will know that Mommy is telling them the truth and they will know they can confide in you regarding deep feelings and issues, instead of sweeping things under the carpet, which is what you have currently decided to do.

LTL

Please read this and then explain why you won't expose to your children?
Exposing to Children