This is the second time I am writing in the first time was in 2012 after my husband came home after deployment and showed serious signs of PTSD. After we started working in our marriage everything was going well. We moved duty stations and began to attend church. We were very active in the church and I felt we were headed in the right direction. Flash forward to 8 months ago my husband was chaptered out of the military and we returned home. We are living with my mother in law while we both work and obtain enough pay stubs to get out own place. My husband left his first job here for a new one then got fired recently from that new one. So he is unemployed. Recently he told me he wasn't sure if he was in love with me anymore, and has felt this way for awhile about a year. He said my harsh words and attitude was the issue. I told him I would seriously work on it but he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to. 3 days ago, I moved an hour away to my sister's house because he said he couldn't think while I was there and always asking Him. Since then I found out he was unfaithful, meeting up with a woman and talking to others online. He even has a dating site profile. I know you guys say plan b is necessary but we have a child, I could use our mothers to communicate, but how do I break communication? A letter? A text? This isn't the first time I have found out he's been talking to other women so I am not sure if I should even seek a relationship with him any further. He denies the emails, and the website profile even though they were on his personal gaming device. I've taken the last few days to jump in prayer and ask God to speak to me. However, my sadness and confusion makes me unsure of what god wants me to do. Every time he texts me it's to argue. Three days ago he said he doesn't want to work on things because I transferred my half of our savings account into my personal account. My intentions were to protect our family since he's out drinking and having fun and maybe going on dates. I would hate if once he gets out of the fog, we have nothing for our family. When I dropped our son off for his first visit he text me saying:
"I don't want you to think it's that u don't wanna be married to you. I feel we both have things within ourselves that we need figured out and worked on and we need to figure out what that is either for us or for the next relationship. We still gotta communicate and be in each others life and I want us to both grow and be better for our son. I'll always be there. No matter what."
Which have me false hope. Two days later he deleted me off of social media, and when I asked him about it he replied "what does that have to do with our son" I am saddened and confused, what should I do. An urgent reply would be nice, and I wouldn't mind being on the show.
Thank you in advance,

Welcome to MB.


Do you know who these women are? Have you exposed his affairs?

Here and there are example Plan B letters in here.

How to Plan B Correctly

I have exposed them to everyone we know. He was super mad at me because he's still denying them. Even though I have proof and showed him the proof.

My questions are:
What does the plan b letter look like?
What does his actions mean?
How can I get a confession from him?
He wants to talk to my mom tomorrow, why would he want to?

Yes I have, and he denied it to everyone I exposed it to. He was very angry at me and that's when he said he didn't want to be with me. That he knows "what I am trying to do"

Thank you. Should this still be used if he doesn't admit the affair? I don't think he actually had sex, but an emotional affair. I also don't know if this was the reason he fell it of love with me. Or does none of that matter?

Yep. He doesn't have to admit the affair. It's absolutely the reason he fell out of love with you. If he tells you different, that's rewriting history and all part of the wayward playbook. Don't believe a word he says right now.

So he told me two days ago he wants a divorce. I just went into plan B after that. I verbally told him my letter because I wouldn't see him for a week when we exchange our son. He still texts me to have conversations, and when I don't reply he says "hello" then an angry text comes after that. My fear is I am making him mad so when he has our son he will retaliate in some way like not giving him back or being hard to work with. Is that a rational fear? Is he acting like the normal husband would in this case?

Lovestar, of course he had sex - but does it matter anyway? Is it any less abusive to trawl for online love than for booty?

His aim is to break you down into accepting his behaviour. This 'both of us' nonsense is typical. He's the only one having an affair!

He will alternate false hope with abuse so you get weaker and weaker. If you argue back, or respond to him at all you keep alive his fantasy that it's both of you who are dysfunctional, rather than just him.

He may realize his actions better in a plan B, but it's main purpose is to protect you from abuse.

You will not get either a confession, or sense from him. He is clearly unremorseful. You must protect yourself instead.

That is not Plan B. What you are doing is plan C which is most likely to lead to a divorce and a nervous breakdown as you allow him to abuse you.

You must make it impossible.

You send him a loving LETTER. Not verbally! Then you change your contact details - social media, email, the works. New phone number, don't just block him.

You must disappear so that the only way to reach you is through an IM. The IM will not pass any angry messages on. She will say 'I don't see anything pertinent to tell her, let me know if you have a message re finances and childcare to pass along.' She will do the same with tender 'I must talk to her messages' designed to give false hope.

You'll hear crickets unless he agrees to full recovery. He will not be able to get angry with you or break you down and will soon stop trying.

Your mothers would make poor IMs because they are emotionally involved and he could wind them up just as he does you. You need a fairly neutral friend who will just ignore all his blather.

I'm sorry, but this sounds like an ill-prepared Plan B.

You cannot "verablly tell him your letter". You need to write a proper Plan B letter, using the template in Surviving an Affair.

You need to se things up properly. Who is your intermediary? Has he been told that he must use the intermediary to contact you? What arrangements have you made to exchange your son without seeing your H?

What arrangements have you made for child support? What is going to happen to your house? Have you seen a lawyer?

If you just cut him off and refuse to speak to him, without putting a plan in place for him to communicate about your child, of course this will tick him off and he will bombard you with texts. That's not how you go to Plan B.

With documentation or just flapping gums? They all say that - part of the abuse. Nevertheless I would suggest you see a lawyer, and file first if it's advantageous. You probably don't have to finalize, but financial protection is more important than playing nice. Do as your lawyer advises. You can halt the D or remarry if necessary later on.

The wayward is too busy chasing skirt to file usually. Someone who was actually doing it wouldn't need to threaten it. However you should do it (without forewarning or threats) if he's spending all your money. As most waywards do. The money thing will get worse.






It's a rational fear and often forms part of the abuse. This is the case whether you are in contact or not.

However with all the childcare arrangements formally in writing he can't wriggle out of not doing as he's asked. You have a written record of the arrangements and you will log it if he becomes 'hard work'. It would be foolish of him because you would have legal proof he's unreliable.

He would also not get to see any emotional responses from you, to this abuse, making it pointless so they soon give up.

You would probably see more shenanigans from him if you kept it informal,verbal and 'friendly'.

Look, do you know how many times my husband told me he wanted a divorce? Probably 50. Do you know how many times he actually did something about it? 0. Well, we're still married so that should tell you something. Way wards threaten that [censored] all the time. It's part of the playbook. You need to do a real, solid Plan B letter and set up an intermediary. ASAP.

This is the how to Plan B correctly thread.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787

No matter what, you are heading for a wonderful new life. Plan B may make it possible to save your marriage - but it will definitely heal YOU and prevent abuse and false recoveries.

Plan B changed my life.

Hugs my dear.

So a month later, no kind of progress. I am
In a semi plan b, we talk only about our son before exchanges, and sometimes during visits because he tries to be cordial. I couldn't be find someone to mediate for me in our family because everyone wants to stay out of it. He told me last week he for sure wants a divorce because her heard I told our mutual friend I wanted one, so now he does to. I am finding comfort in trusting God, and knowing I will be ok either way. He asked me to file divorce even though he wants one, which means he wants me to pray for it or he wants to always blame me for the one who filed. I feel like he is really trying to get my mind wrapped, and I am fighting it best I can. I just need to know, is this too early to throw in the towel??? I know his reason for divorce is BS, just an excuse! However, what the heck could this mean. Does he really think that's a good reason, or does he think I am that stupid to fall for that excuse

We don't have much, and I really can't afford a lawyer now that I am unemployed due to having to love away because of all this. He said we'd do a simple divorce. I don't even know what that means!

We don't have anything at the moment. He got out the military 9 months ago, so we were staying with his parents. No one in out family wants to get involved. Basically they told me, figure this out between us only. So I feel like I have to talk to him. I transferred my half of the bank account, which he was mad about, but other than that we have household goods sitting in storage. Right now I am
Waiting for a job, he works nights so we exchange our son every 3-5 days and most of those days we see each other. It really sucks because I want my distance, to execute plan b, but I don't know how to get it in this case

Mind you we have friends, but they are all single and I do not trust any of them with my son to exchange him. We just moved back to our home state, so all of our reliable friends are still in the military and are out of state. Our case is unique which I hope you can advice me on.