You seem to imply you need to be married to be whole, as in each bringing half to the marriage...if that's true, I'm only a half now that my husband passed away, a thought that I do find offensive.

I heared Dr Harley speak just the other day in favour of young marriage, and his reasons were that people can become too "whole" as they get older. This is detrimental to marriage.

He said that 20 year-olds find it much easier to grow together with their partner and to adapt and create the single entity that a married couple needs to become. Her said that by the age of 30, people have found how they want to live, and they find it very hard to make the adaptations necessary to taking into account someone else's perspective in all things, and hard to give up IB, annoying habits and fixed thinking.

He cites the fact that he was 21 and Joyce 19 when they married. Neither of them were used to independent life, or had developed hobbies, attitudes and lifestyles that were "set". They found it easy to integrate with each other; there was nothing to change. It was all there to be created.

His thinking on marriage goes very much against the 'be yourself", "love yourself" movement that encourages people to walk away from marriage and kids, rather than fix the problems. The "be yourself" attitude is one of the reasons that counselling is so destructive to marriage; it encourages people to seek their own happiness, outside the marriage if that's where logic leads them, instead of listening to their spouse's complaints and changing their behaviour.
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The original poster did not have a spouse. She should have a certain renters attitude in which she puts herself first and I think that's all that was being recommended.

Additionally I think women are often ecouraged by Dr H to be prepared to walk away. Their dates should be pursuing them and their husbands have to be leading the marriage or it will be no good for them. Dr H often counsels women not to knock themselves out on a relationship which isn't working - unless the man is doing most of the work.

Personally I am one of those people who 'need' someone. I think most of us do. It's a wonderful goal which will improve life immeasurably if it works out according to MB standards - but it can become co-dependent if the relationship is poor. So a certain willingness to walk away from a poor relationship, especially when it is just dating, is important.

kc's attitude of sometimes you are better off alone is not anti-MB, imo.

But she isn't recommending that anyone should learn to be alone. Just because she is she isn't saying everyone should - just that it's taught her there's no need for needinesss. She is only saying that it is better than being in the wrong relationship.

EIt is not anti MB to say.....I can create magic in my life even when single and not actively looking for love. It isn't anti MB to say you don't 'need' another person during that time without one.