Co-dependency is a misunderstood term. It signifies enabling behavior ( covering for an alcoholic, not exposing an affair), not interdependce, which is the term I've heard Dr. Harley use.

wow, good info. yes her boundaries are horrible. ran right to another man. soon as that happened I didn't have a chance. I was the enemy.

she has lost most of her close friends and family over this. she became a totally diff person.
she just clocked out of the marriage.

She is identical to every other cheating wife.

Quit making excuses for her abd quit throwing yourself on the sword.

Learn from the past mistakes and implement the plan. All of your self flagellation is doing absolutely no good.

What books of Dr. Harley have you read?

LTL

I am working to find his identity.
read almost all the material on website and been trying to find the books but no where to be found up here. canada

Kindle

well I have photos of them and pi is getting more in the morning when they leave the hotel. they are honeymooning in fancy hotel before wife fly's over to visit her sister. have pics of them holding hands and walking out together and getting in same vehicle. they are not that good of quality so going to try and get better in morning so is positive to identify them. Then do exposer. I suspect they might of suspected I was there as the pi couldn't do the night shift so I tried. I got photos but they may have seen me take photos of the viecles from their window. I don't care, will expose them soon. hopefully by time wife gets back from her sis. this man is not quite the handsome devil I thought he would be. I have one of her friends and the pastor at her church on board with this and her friend said he is disgusting. ugly to boot. I don't get it. not that people have to be pretty to be good people just figured if she going hotel to hotel playing romper roo she would of picked more of a romeo. but I know its how he said the things my wife needed to hear when she was week that gets him the ticket for the ride he is looking for, the pos. doesn't care that his ride is going to tear apart a family and a marriage. a lot of people are hurting over this. the pos.
I sure hate doing this but it is the right thing to do, right? I mean even the pastor at our church is good with it. she is in sin. so is pos. if this relationship is meant to be then there should be no reason to hide it. oh, but your still married.
I will tell more tomorrow.

I got a real bad version of the jon sue greg thing going on I say!!

No, they always affair down. He'll be a loser to boot.

Really, just crazy. Risk all to move down.

Hi all, so I am planning to expose as soon as she returns from her trip after the weekend. the pi couldn't get better pics because they left at different times but I believe the pics we have will be good enough to prove the point. they have both vehicles infront of hotel and them walking together getting in one but they are of lower quality and cannot make a positive identification on them but it is fairly obvious. or should I wait till we get absolute better ones?


Also I was planning on moving back into house while she was gone?

It's not a choice. Love bank deposits are unconscious - we can't refuse them once they've been made. You have to refuse access with boundaries or its too late. People even fall in love with their kidnappers.

Usually people let their guard down around the unattractive. They think 'I can be friends with him risk-free'. That coupled with the fact that only losery vultures shop in the married section for unhappy people pretty much guarantees affairing down.

Cockroaches snacking on other people's crumbs.

Indiegirl, You Rock! So do you think I have a chance at saving my marriage, family?

On the OM....

Not uncommon. My ex wife first persuaded me to allow her to work for who became the OM in my situation by virtue of his age and unattractiveness to her. He ran his own vendor's stand in her area of expertise (food services) and she was going to open up a second stand and split profits with him, and the amount of one on one time I knew they'd have made me uncomfortable with it. She verbatim told me in response about 6 months before d-day "oh, he's no competition to you babe. He's too old!"

I am late 20s, athletic build, in very good shape, good paying stable job, etc etc. I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm a good looking guy and I take care of myself.

OM was in his mid-late 40s, pot bellied, low income, trailer trash.

I work with a lot of young women and I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "I just can't figure her out!" in reference to the affair and my ex-wife. I haven't said much at work but people know the basics because I had cops show up here to serve me notices about denied restraining orders, so I've had to disclose the basics. (I add that to say you generally shouldn't be talking about your situation to other women if you can at all avoid it!)

This isn't about you sonotfun, this is about your wife. Dr. Harley tells most BHs that they need to work on making love bank deposits and eliminating lovebusting habits, and that is true...that much IS about you.

But her sleazy choice of AP is not about you vs him. He was just in the right place at the right time. With her boundary issues it could have been anyone with enough of a lack of scruples to hit on a married woman.

Win her back? Absolutely, most BHs do where the WW doesn't make it impossible for them to (e.g. with a D filing or RO). Dr. Harley says this often.

Recover your marriage? That much is harder to say. Your wife's track record doesn't look stunning here and she'd really have to change her habits to become a safe person to be married to. All opposite sex friendships in her life would have to go, and by the sound of things, I'm taking it your wife probably has a lot of male friends.

Have you contacted Dr. Harley about your situation yet? He'll be able to give you more seasoned advice on what you're up against here.

Also, great job with the PI and pictures and such. You're well prepared for exposure and you're taking the steps needed to really hit this affair right between the eyes.

Thank you. yes I spoke to the Dr's wife Joyce. Amazing. apparently I will be on Mondays show.

The pi hasn't got any better pics. it is clear their vehicles but to make out their faces while walking is hard. do you think that is good enough.
?

You have photos of the two of them STAYING at a hotel together, correct? Overnight stay? His/her car? Etc etc.

I think that's pretty damning, myself. What all do you have for proof? Make your case with everything in a post here, and we can give you a good idea.

You can bust up the A, but I'm not so sure about recovery. Dr H should know.

In terms of "affairing down"... that's exactly what happened to me. I am tall, good hair, good career, good father, smart, funny... OM is a bald, overweight, alcoholic, loser... can barely support himself. I really was struggling to understand what EN he could have possibly met for her.