The courts ordered a one year separation from my abusive and non caring husband. I heard he is now trying to slander my name at church and amongst people that we know. Need advice. Thank you.

Have you gone to the police? Spoke to a lawyer?

Welcome to MB.

Well the police is notified when a PFA is filed and i haven't contacted a lawyer as yet. I was only married for 3 years he has not contributed nothing to the marriage. He kept is money to himself we had nothing jointly.

A PFA??

Where are you living? Are you still in contact with him? Have you read Dr. Harley's advice on abusive husbands?

We are not able to contact each other for a year. I am living in USA. After hearing what he is doing i think the marriage is over. The order is up in August.

A few solid paragraphs of backstory and explanation of what's going on would be very helpful if you want solid advice from the many wise people on this site.

What do I do now. I have been separated from my husband for 10 months now for physical and emotional abuse. There is a restraining order involved which expire on August 1st.

Do you think you are still at risk of attack from him? Have you seen a lawyer about getting the order renewed?

That I am not sure of. He has a very unforgiving spirit. He was very angry about the restraining order which forced him to find a place for himself. We have not spoken since the judge made the order. According to the order we are not to contact each other for a year. He hasn't made any attempt to do so.

Are you planning to file for divorce?

I tried to file for divorce twice before but my conscience would not allow me to go thru with it. I truly believe in the sacredness of marriage and was hoping he would seek help with his anger issues. I think he will eventually file for it.

You seem to be facing a dilemma right now, and I'm trying to find out what that is. You asked what you should do now. What do you want to do now?

not sure what I want.Tried to file for divorce twice but my conscience would not allow me to go thru with it. I do believe in the sacredness of marriage and would be happy if he would try to seek help with his issues.

would like to have a variety of options from the forum. Doesn't seem as if much people is on.

You've got SugarCane, one of the very best, trying to help you. I would imagine the others are waiting for you to answer her questions.

Do you want to save your marriage?

Do you have children?

Yes I would love to save my marriage. My family and friend think I am crazy. I have children. My daughter will be leaving for college in august and I will be home alone.

Sadly, it's 2.45 in the morning in the UK, and I should have been in bed long ago!

carline, before I go, I will say that it's hard to know what to advise you about. Ever since you first came to the forum you have posted little "bullet" posts about two lines long, asking for help but giving no information about what has happened in your marriage and how you came to be in your position. We can see that your H has been violent, and that you have a restraining order that is nearly expired. Beyond that, you have told us nothing at all about the marriage, or about what you want, and why. If you look around at other people's posts, you will see that they say a great deal more than you do. They also answer questions and do not disappear for weeks at a time. I think you would get more help if you explained your marital history, and answered people's questions.

It seems, from the little you have told us, that your H obeyed the restraining order - which is a good thing. You shouldn't consider getting back together with him unless he approaches you with a commitment never to hurt you again. At that stage, you need to ask for him to attend an anger management programme that measures results, and only when the leader of that programme is satisfied that his anger is under control, should you date him for a year, without living with him. You should only go back to him when he has proved that he has conquered his violence and anger.

But if he doesn't approach you, leave him alone. He is dangerous as he is (as you know only too well), and you should not be anywhere near him.

That daughter is not his daughter, if you have only been married for 3 years.

Please tell us your marital history.

married twice. first for 18 years and second marriage next week will be 4 years

How did you meet your second husband? Were you married to your first husband at the time?