I can see the bill. I've looked at it numerous times. However, most of texts are via SMS Apple messaging, so the numbers don't show up. Also, he talks/texts all day long with people from his work. I do not know all of their numbers and they work in multiple states (he hasn't even met most of them) so I have no clue how to decipher who he is calling. I tried to use reverse phone number look-ups and they just showed the cities, none of which were out of the ordinary. He doesn't call people late at night or at random times - that is about all I could gather from the bill.

Destroying the phone would be an absolute no and way out of character for me (he would be super suspicious). Spending $600+ for a new one is also not very easy.

He does plug his phone in but very rarely. I don't know the last time he backed it up.

Looks like my only option is basically a VAR. I'll try to get one. Am I supposed to just buy Velcro separately and stick it under his seat? Detailed instructions are helpful here. I read the thread in investigating but it seemed scattered.

I bet that's not the news he's checking at night.

He works in a communications/media field and has checked his phone for the news as long as he has had this job. The articles he provides quotes for typically post in the early AM. Sure he may be talking to someone else at night, but I know for a sure fact that it's not all he is doing.

Until I found out about a possible EA/PA... what should I be doing with H in the meantime?

IF, IF, IF there is no EA/PA... what does that mean my H is doing? Is he young and therefore experiencing a "grass is greener" syndrome because he didn't have a chance to live large in his 20s? He told me during one conversation that he doesn't have a grass is greener problem but feels like our grass is brown. I said how in the world could you say our grass is brown if you didn't know what other grass looked like? Also, why can't we water our grass?

Edit: My parents just said they would cover the cost of a PI... so there is that. Can a PI uncover an emotional affair too if H isn't actually meeting the person in person? That would remove me needing to get the VAR for now.

You should be as pleasant as possible. Don't let on that you are suspicious.


What it means he is doing is having an affair. It is much like being high on crack or heroin. What we will do is help you kill the affair so you will have a chance. We will help you ruin the crack high.


Yeah!! Bravo to your parents! I would also stick a VAR in his car to see if you can find anything.

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The grass is always greener elsewhere when you never water the grass where you are.

Exactly! Me-thinks you are one smart Birdy.

Great for your parents to offer to help like this! I hope that you will take advantage of their offer.

I also think that you should at minimal purchase a VAR and hide it in his car.

What you should do right now is not yet tip your hand about the forums here. Just in case. Others (myself included) have been anxious to recover our marriage, and then our husbands secretly spied on our posting here so that they could (better) run an affair underground and hide it.

Also what you should do right now is read up on Plan A so that you can eliminate any love busters that you may be inflicting on your husband. So basically, meanwhile, be as pleasant as possible.

oh! I keep forgetting to mention that free phone tracer is $19.95 per month. I have kept it for the past two years because unless it is a burner phone, it shows the names and addresses of even cell phone numbers.

I just found the affair. I logged onto the iPad and was able to access his facebook and e-mail. He sent the letter he sent to another woman who works in his field. Please tell me what to do.

SO SORRY Birdy. We are here with you. What did you find in the letter?

DO NOT confront him until others have chimed in and we have helped you to develop a PLAN.

What did you find?

He sent the letter he wrote me to this other woman with the words "tell me what you think honestly. you can reply via text." She has almost messaged him on FB but it looks like he deletes most of their messages. I have taken photos.

Do you have the woman's name? Company that she works for? If so, great...STAY CALM and go immediately to Facebook and look up her name and location. Have a look to see if she has listed the company that she works for, so that you can verify that it is the same person.

If so, then immediately go and copy all of her friends list and save it to a document so that you can later use that for exposure.

First, remain calm.
Did you save the evidence?

wait...he sent a letter that he wrote to you? Asking for her opinion? What did the letter that he wrote to you say?

But now I just found an e-mail from the beginning of May where he was trying to set up this same woman with a friend?? Now I am super confused.

There is a link in MelodyLane's signature entitled "read this if your spouse is having an affair." Go read that and follow the steps.

that's okay. What did the letter (to you) that he was sharing/asking her opinion say?

The only evidence I have is he sent the letter he originally gave to me (which I reference in my original message) to this woman saying what I just posted. And she sent him one Facebook message that I can see saying "this is so me" talking about "your bae being emotional."