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I just found the affair. I logged onto the iPad and was able to access his facebook and e-mail. He sent the letter he sent to another woman who works in his field. Please tell me what to do. Did you save evidence of the affair? If not, go get it and send it to a safe place. Go do that NOW and then come back for next steps.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You need to get evidence that will convince a jury.
Do you have the woman's name?
Her phone number?
Definitely take your parents up on that PI. And definitely get a VAR asap.
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I took pics of everything and sent it to my mom. I have hid the ipad in my work lunch bag and am taking it work tomorrow.
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sorry Birdy, I just went back through your original post and I am still not seeing the letter...but basically are you saying that he referenced the bit about how there are too many things that you are not compatible about?
At the very least, if they are sharing such intimate details, this is an EA. Keep snooping.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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I have her name. I don't have her phone number.
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BlindSighted2013 - Yes he gave me a letter almost a month ago outlining all the reasons we cannot be together because we are are so incompatible.
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look on the messages icon on the iPad, and click the message to get the time stamp. Then go onto your cell phone carrier's website and you will be able to see the phone number (at least I can with verizon).
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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The messages are via e-mail and Facebook... so no phone number as far as I can tell.
I am sure I can find this girl's number though since I know where she works.
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try whitepages.com. Others will be along to mention other options. But yep, her name and company may just take you right to linkedin.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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So I feel like I need more? My parents are still willing to pay for a PI. However, they also seem to think this email does not equal an affair. I say if he is talking to another woman about our marriage like this it is SOME type of affair. Thoughts?
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Yes, keep snooping. Divulging personal info is an EA, but keep snooping. Buy a VAR tomorrow and do your best to get some sleep tonight.
Since you saw the Facebook messages, you have her FB name. Did you go and copy her entire friends list? That is very important.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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So I feel like I need more? My parents are still willing to pay for a PI. However, they also seem to think this email does not equal an affair. I say if he is talking to another woman about our marriage like this it is SOME type of affair. Thoughts? You need evidence of an affair. Your parents are right. I don't think you have scratched the surface yet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Birdy,
Get as much info as you can. Needs to be enough to convince a jury that an affair is happening.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Continue to snoop to get evidence of an affair. Is this OW married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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OW is not married.
I was able to get his phone while he was showering and took as many pictures as I could of their extremely long, flirty texting thread. He is texting her 24/7, wishing her goodnight and "sweet dreams." Calling her beautiful. Treating her JUST LIKE he used to treat me. If this isn't an emotional affair I don't know what is.
He is telling her everything about counseling sessions and his "true feelings." He is telling her he "values marriage" but what we have isn't a marriage. He told her I have only brought up cheating once. He genuinely thinks he isn't cheating with this girl, but that they are just talking.
Is this enough evidence? I really think it is.
Last edited by Birdy18; 07/10/15 07:07 AM.
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I suggest you get the PI or use GPS to find where he is during the day. He may be having a PA during lunch hours.
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Do you have your list of exposure targets and exposure letter ready? Just use the template from the book.
When you do expose, You need to do it quickly. Have you read 13th Exposure 101 thread?
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Do I really need to go to those lengths when I have this? They clearly have a budding, flirty relationship. She seems to have recently broken up with another boyfriend and he is acting like a flirty male friend supporting her. I will never rule out anything but I don't think it is PA YET. It will rapidly develop into PA if it's left alone without question. They aren't discussing meeting up, having met up, or anything of that nature.
I won't rule it out, but I just don't want to delay this if I don't have to either.
He is twitterpated without question.
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The best part is when he was detailing how I had only brought up cheating once she said something like "Obviously you are not but maybe she is saying you don't value marriage because she thinks you are?"
They are both in fantasy lalaland oblivious to their own emotional intimacy.
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I wouldn't delay more than a day or two.
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