Did they meet the a professional interaction of any kind? I hear you say they aren't co-workers per se, but most companies have policies prohibiting fraternization with vendors, clients, etc. Their workplaces may be an ally in killing the affair because it could open the company to harassment accusations. Or not. But you don't know these things now.

Again, do you have the exposure letter ready?

FACEBOOK or email exposure letter to family and friends of YOUR WS - this was written by board member, Underdog:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Yes, in the end the employer may be an ally. She could very well be fired because her boss is a super Christian, very hot headed person who has fired people for way less bad behavior. I don't know of any policies that exist in their field about fraternization as of now but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I would have to investigate.

I'm working on the exposure letter now. However, lots of his family and friends are never on e-mail or Facebook. Does that mean I need to call them?

Or mail the letter.

Birdy, get her address. Search google or linked in, whitepages.com, and whatever else you can think of, but get her address. THEN go and search the county records in that area so that you can find out for sure that she is not married.

I have access to her Facebook page (via looking through my husband's page last night) which is pretty clear about her not being married? But I'll do what you say all the same.

Also their texts refer to her just breaking up with someone a few weeks ago.

That's okay, you need her address in any case.

Well I have the two exposure letters lined up and ready to go. I'm speaking with the Harley's in the next hour. Once that is over with, and unless for whatever reason they suggest I do otherwise, I'm going to expose.

Birdy,

Do you have any more evidence other than this letter of yours he forwarded to her?

To us, yes, it's obvious that it's an EA at this point. That's not the sort of information you share with an opposite sex friend.

But you need to be loaded for bear here, so to speak.

Understand that your WH will probably push back as hard as he can to make you look like someone who is falsely accusing him of an affair because he is trying to leave you, and unfortunately there will be people naive enough to believe that sort of a story. As you mentioned, here we see that enough to know that there is almost always an affair involved in sudden separations, but most people have zero experience with infidelity. He'll go to his family and friends and tell them your whole marriage was a sham, he never really loved you, etc etc, and that narrative might seem plausible to them in the absence of solid evidence to the contrary.

If you have to wait a bit to get high quality evidence, do it. The better your evidence, the more effective your exposure will be. If you expose without enough of it, it will backfire on you.

I have screenshots of as many text messages as I could possibly get this morning. They detail all the things I have mentioned.

Based on these message (as recently as today) they are not a) saying I love you b) aware that their behavior is an emotional affair or c) making active plans to meet in secret. I will never say none of those things haven't happened or won't happen, but that is where it stands based on their very long, very detailed texting train.

If that is still not enough, what should I do?

I have a text where they admit to sneaking around to talk. I have another text where H says she is beautiful. I have another text where they joke about loving each other. I have another text where she calls him handsome. I have multiple texts were he lays out intimate details of our marriage and counseling. I have texts of him wishing her goodnight, asking him to call her while he's driving. It's all flirtatious, beginning of a relationship, butterfly mumbo jumbo. They are clearly dancing around each other. If I need more, I'm not sure where to get it at this point. It seems like I wait longer and the relationship just progresses further, possibly to physical.

Note I am NOT arguing or disagreeing or trying to be the expert. Just talking out loud.

No this is good, this is helpful.

I think that's pretty damning myself but wait for MelodyLane to chime in on it. She's the expert here on exposure.

You have plenty of evidence for exposure. In your exposure letters, I would include photos of a couple of the worst texts.

Please post your plans and your exposure letters before you send them.

Letter to our friends and family:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxx and me. xxx recently blindsided me one month ago by saying he doesn�t know if wants to be married to me anymore, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason for this bombshell is because he has been carrying on an emotional affair with a woman he met through his job named xxx, who resides in xxx. xxx has acted the way he has because I am an interference to his budding relationship with her.

He is in denial about his actions and neither of them believes their behavior has been inappropriate. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my husband, who I love more than anything in this world, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxx to persuade him to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged, but only if he ends this. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Letter to her people:

Dear friend of xxx,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of xx�s friends and family should be aware that xx is having an emotional affair, possibly more, with my husband, xx. xx and I have been married for 3.5 years and together for 7.5. I love him with all of my heart, and the discovery of this affair has shattered my heart. They have been having this affair since at least May according to evidence from their e-mails and text messages. I have included some of their latest texts here as evidence. This is inappropriate behavior between a married man and a woman other than his wife.

I would ask that you use your influence with xx to persuade her to leave my husband alone and end this inappropriate relationship. I believe that her friends should know this, so you can protect your own relationships. This affair has the capacity to wreck our marriage, and I would be indebted to you if you can help persuade xx to stay away from my husband as I attempt to save our marriage.

Thank you.

Ok, I would take out the words I struck out above. You don't need to talk about his denial. Let him deny the affair and make a fool of himself. I would also attach copies of the worst texts.

Birdy, can you please post the list of people to whom you are exposing? [not the name but the relationship] I heard the tail end of your call today and did Dr Harley tell you to expose to his boss?

He said to expose the boss and then Mrs. Harley said to start out with the first groups and then expose the boss. Dr. Harley also said to tell OW I know what is going on.

I will correct my letters now.

Exposing to:

My parents (already done)
His parents
His siblings
My siblings
OW's parents
OW's siblings
OW'S friends
Mutual friends
H's friends
Boss... after these people.

So this is your plan for TODAY, right?