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Yes this is my plan for today. But Dr. Harley said I also need to write a Plan A letter for H to give to him, so I am also working on that now as well. Dr. Harley said they needed to go together (exposing + the letter).
Last edited by Birdy18; 07/10/15 01:30 PM.
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Yes this is my plan for today. But Dr. Harley said I also need to write a Plan A letter for H to give to him, so I am also working on that now as well. Dr. Harley said they needed to go together (exposing + the letter). He told you to expose FIRST though. That needs to happen first.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes this is my plan for today. But Dr. Harley said I also need to write a Plan A letter for H to give to him, so I am also working on that now as well. Dr. Harley said they needed to go together (exposing + the letter). He told you to expose FIRST though. That needs to happen first. He said it didn't really matter which one happened first but I'm going ahead and exposing first, yes. I'm just making sure I have the letter ready to give to him right after I'm finished.
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[
He said it didn't really matter which one happened first but I'm going ahead and exposing first, yes. I'm just making sure I have the letter ready to give to him right after I'm finished. Handing him the letter FIRST doesn't make any sense because it will just tip him off that you know about the affair. Then you lose the element of surprise and you will be spending all your time debating and arguing with him about the affair. That just needlessly delays exposure and makes the situation 10x more difficult. You can take your time to write the letter and give it to him AFTER you have exposed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes that is what I'm going to do. I will expose and then give him the letter. Exposure is starting now, with his parents.
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ok, I just heard what he said about exposing before or after so you are right. But, you should expose FIRST and then give him the letter later for the reasons I outlined above.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes that is what I'm going to do. I will expose and then give him the letter. Exposure is starting now, with his parents. Good girl!!  And be sure and ask them to speak to him..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes that is what I'm going to do. I will expose and then give him the letter. Exposure is starting now, with his parents. Good girl!! And be sure and ask them to speak to him.. But I'm assuming they need to wait and speak with him until I am done exposing?
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Yes that is what I'm going to do. I will expose and then give him the letter. Exposure is starting now, with his parents. Good girl!! And be sure and ask them to speak to him.. But I'm assuming they need to wait and speak with him until I am done exposing? No. They can call now. And if he calls to chew you out, don't take his calls until you are finished. That is why this all needs to be wrapped up quickly.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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First convo with H's mentor friend went awful. He basically told me I will lose all moral high ground by telling everyone. He shook me up a lot but I'm trying to press forward.
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First convo with H's mentor friend went awful. He basically told me I will lose all moral high ground by telling everyone. He shook me up a lot but I'm trying to press forward. You are doing just great!! Go forward. Just expect that you will get a few reactions like that. You will also get a lot of support. It is not immoral to tell people the truth;; it is immoral to have an affair. You are doing nothing wrong.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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H has clearly found out. Blowing up my phone and a text with "wow. really."
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H has clearly found out. Blowing up my phone and a text with "wow. really." GREAT!!! The more reaction and anger, the more you struck a chord. DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM until you are done and have the Plan A/B Letter ready. LTL
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Hi Birdy-I usually lurk here more than post, but just wanted to tell you that you are doing a GREAT job. Hang in there. We all know how painful this type of discovery is and you're doing such a great job of keeping your head together and following the program. When you get less than supportive reactions during the exposure, just remember that you're following advice personally given to you by Dr. H. He's an expert on infidelity...these other people aren't. So many of us discovered MB AFTER D-Day and after a number of mistakes were already made. You're handling this correctly right from the beginning. Take care.
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Also, don't tell people you are exposing the affair. Just tell them you are calling them to ask for support and ask if they will use their influcece to persuade your WH to end his affair.
Birdy18: "Hi Joe, I am calling to ask for your support of my marriage. I was devastated to discover that WH is having an affair with XXXX XXXX. I want to save my marriage and am asking for your help. You are an important person in WH's life and I am asking that you use your influence to persuade him to end his affair."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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First convo with H's mentor friend went awful. He basically told me I will lose all moral high ground by telling everyone. He shook me up a lot but I'm trying to press forward. Ask yourself, is it the moral high ground to enable and encourage infidelity and the breakup of a marriage and family? LTL
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H has clearly found out. Blowing up my phone and a text with "wow. really." DO NOT GET DISTRACTED. FINISH YOUR EXPOSURES.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you think he will come home and disrupt your exposures, then leave and finish them up elsewhere.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you think he will come home and disrupt your exposures, then leave and finish them up elsewhere. The public library is a great option if still doing e-mails and you could step out to your car for privacy for phone contacts. LTL
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Okay I have exposed him to my parents, our siblings, our mutual friends, his mentor friend, her parents, her siblings, and her closest friends.
I have also messaged her per Dr. H's advice.
I am shaking right now.
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