There have been cases on here where the cheater is caught in bed with their affair partner and the betrayed spouse is told that they just imagined it and what they saw didn't really happen.
Obviously, there is one reality.

PTSD doesn't cause CURRENT memory loss. And if his TBI was that bad, he wouldn't be able to hold down a job.

He is gas lighting her. And you, apparently.

He hasn't held down a job actually. In the last 4 months he's had 5 jobs

Why are are you listening to his nonsense? Your mother is being supportive and thank her for her intervention. However you do not need her to feed back his nonsense to you. WHs name is now taboo and not to be mentioned to you.

When his affair ends and he is willing to do full on recovery your IM will tell you. Until then you are too busy for nonsense.



If/why he doesn't remember is none of your concern. He is a big boy and can look after himself. Your requirements for contact involve him going NC with this woman. If he doesn't remember her, he should have no problem with that.

If however is main concern is breaking your plan b with excuses and nonsense he is not safe for you.

My WH couldn't explain the evidence either. He didn't have PTSD but just stuck to 'it wasn't me' like a record. This is common. WWs caught in bed together tell their spouse they are hallucinating.

Some FWSs who are genuinely remorseful can't remember some things - there is something about affairs which affect the brain and memory.

However his faulty brain doesn't matter. You do have a brain and you require people to stop talking about him until your IM says there is a viable recovery to consider.

Ok I will make sure they don't talk about him to me

Good girl! You will need a sandwich board and a bell at first but it will so be worth it..

From my thread a few years back.



At first, I had to walk out of houses to prevent hearing stuff.

Did you have kids? How long has it been since you've talked to him? When did you stop missing him?

My entire thread is here. Haven't spoken to him since plan b was implemented in 2011 (he showed up on my doorstep I think a year later but that was a very short conversation).

We didn't have children. 15 years relationship, Dday of a 2year affair with my best friend was close to our 10 year wedding anniversary when I had been hoping to start a family. I felt much better after three weeks, within six months I was pushing to finalise the divorce.

With kids, I would probably have given it the full two years before quitting the marriage, but as it was there were better men in the world to meet.


http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2516378

Read your whole post! I think if I had more proof I would be as strong as you were. But I do see a lot of me and in your story! Which gives me hope that I will be ok! I know I will be. I just want to know the truth without a shadow of a doubt. I don't think I'll ever get that though.

Good gravy, girl you read fast.

Of course you will be ok!

Did you not read the bit where I was a quivering wreck? You are taking action while weak = strong.

Yea lol I read that, but you seemed so happy otherwise. I think I allowed myself to go down with the sinking ship, which I see now is not ok! I was feeling like a failure but in reality only my marriage has failed.

Sooo I got offered another job, the one I've been waiting for. However this one is the dream job I applied for before WS and I separated. The pay is amazing and way higher than the one I was offered here in my sister's town. My gut is telling me to not take the one from the city my WS is in to help me move on and not rely on my wayward in laws lol. They don't take a stance on my h's behavior, my mother in law just says it'll all work out. Now what would you guys do? Here are the pros and cons of each job

Dream job in WH's city:
Pros: high pay where I could support myself and my son. Benifits start in 90 days.
Cons: no support in city but my mother in law, no place to stay at first

Other job in sister's city:
Pros: amazing church and preschool for my son, live rent free with my sister, support system, peace, benifits start in 30 days.
Cons: lower pay so I'll have to wait 6-9 months to move out on my own, fear of cutting out all possibility of effective co parenting because my son will be with me 70% of time now.

Either way I have a job, and I am excited! A new life awaits me,
I can't wait to just be happy!!!

Don't worry about effective co-parenting. In fact, don't co-parent. it's a terrible idea, especially with a wayward. He will try to use your son as a way to get to you. Read up on parallel parenting (which is basically total disengagement.)

You'd only pass need-to-know information like scheduling through an intermediary. Forget trying to come to agreements on things like schools or sports or anything. He will not come to a peaceful consensus with you as a wayward.

I moved 500 miles away from my wayward to a support system and I highly recommend it. It forces the wayward's choice into stark reality. He either needs to move to win his family back, or he stays and continues his behavior.

Don't let anything steal your sense of humour.

Totally, totally move. You need good support not wayward support.


Congratulations!

Getting two jobs while supergluing your heart back together is no mean feat.

Oh yuk. Can you imagine having a mother who didn't care about you like that?

Like Melody Lane says, it's not her ox getting gored. Just her grandchildren.

She doesn't deserve to be your support network.

Please read this Parallel Parenting

Co-parenting is a disaster.

Thank you for your advice. I guess my fear was keeping my son from him. My mother in law says stuff like "boys need their dads" and I agree, since My H grew up without a father, just a disconnected father in law. But you're right, I can totally raised my son with this method, this is in a way my WH's wake up call or it may not be, but my focus should be my happiness.