Something you might consider is giving her 3-4 cranes a day for a year ... You'll make the affection lovebank deposits, but over time to show stability and commitment.

I think this would be a great way to show stability and affection over time.

Honestly, I am not finding your input helpful. You haven't read my post from start as you would know the answer to the last question. If you have some wisdom you would like to pass on I would really appreciate that. Criticising my efforts out of context to my story is not helpful to me.

Whoa there Dejavoodoo!

Have you considered that this might be a great time to practice responding respectfully to a differing input or opinion? The way I interpreted it, Living Well was offering some suggestions to for you to consider.

If are responding to your wife's opinions in the same way that you've responded to Living Well, you are likely wrecking your chances with your wife.

You were disagreeable.
Then you put LW in her place by telling her she was short info so her input couldn't possibly have merit.
Then you said she lacked wisdom.
Then you said you are not open to input (criticism) especially if it doesn't fit YOUR context.

The good news is that these love busting habits can be turned around and then you will be in an effective plan A. Of course you Will need to add courtesy and small acts of affection.

I am being honest. I am letting her know that her attempts to provide wisdom are not being communicated in a way that i can understand.

The alternative is for me to ignore people that seem intent on starting arguments.

Rocks in a River: You find yourself on the bank of a wide river. It is too wide to jump across, and yet you still need to cross it. What do you do? You start picking up rocks and throwing them into the river. (These rocks are each small affectionate thing you do for your W). For the first 499 rocks, you see the rock hit the water, and then it dissapears. These rocks are sinking and landing on the bottom of the river. Eventually you get to rock #500 and it hits the water and part of it is sticking up above the surface. You now realize you are getting somewhere. You can finally see progress. For the first 499 rocks, you knew they were stacking up, but you had no proof other than common sense telling you that they were building up. We have to approach our relationships now as if every piece of affection is one of those rocks. We will not see any progress until a number of rocks have been thrown. However, just because we are not seeing these first 499 rocks does not mean they are not having an impact. Believe that they are, because they are.

I know that you are genuine and honest. That's why I shared my thoughts with you.

Would you please share What it is that you see as "starting an argument?"

Okay. Thanks Prisca. I see that way of looking at it.

I also am adding that even if what she said didn't fit for him, it was an opportunity for him to brush up on his MB skills. Even if LW had been trying to start an argument, he could practice exploring LW's perspective by asking clarifying questions instead of engaging in the argument or debating.

What do you think about that idea, Dejavude?

Complete waste of time. Your actions told your fianc�e that you did not care about the marriage and did not believe in the vows you were making.

That is still the case today and will be after 1000 cranes. She will just throw them away.

I want her to feel safe to return to the house.

He first husband didn't accept relationship ending and during a visit by her to their house to collect the boys she was tied up and badly injured in an assault where he eventually killed himself.

She is going to be hyper sensitive to any behaviour by me that suggests any kind of mental agitation or instability. Hence why my positive pursuit and affectionate overtures seemed like denial and agitated her.

Is pursuing her and having her never return to the house better ? My instinct tells me not. My instinct was to tone down my behavior the day she decided to leave but I was swayed by Marcos to never stop.

Marcos' enthusiasm and personal success is very persuasive.

You are probably correct - it's all more than likely too late and a waste of time.

Actually, after seeing other opinions expressed with proper rational, I now am leaning towards the dually proposed minimized, yet consistent Daily gestures that both Marcos and Prisca expressed.

In THEIR variation, it is NOT Just One Big Grand Gesture.

It is showing consistency, WITHOUT being a ONE AND DONE gesture.

I like it.

Now, WHAT DR. HARLEY BOOKS HAVE YOU READ SO FAR, COMPLETELY, FROM FRONT COVER TO THE BACK?

You have avoided answering that question directly posted to you 2-3 times already.

LTL

P.S.
I have read your entire topic thread from Beginning to End.

In THEIR variation, it is NOT Just One Big Grand Gesture.

Not very well then. I am not sure why my answering a question that I have answered before is relevent but just out of generosity of spirit, Love busters, his needs her needs, surviving an affair.

Keep in mind the people helping you are volunteers giving their own time. It's quite easy to read a thread carefully and still completely miss certain details. Sometimes it's best when the answers are provided as succinctly as possible so they can be spotted, and even then sometimes they can still be missed.

Try reading someone else's thread and keeping track of all the details.

And it doesn't work because the Love Bank requires a lot more deposits than that.
.