A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help posters with MB concepts. It is not a platform for personal opinions and agendas. If you can help this poster find solutions using MB concepts, we encourage you to post. If not, please refrain from posting.

And when you finally get that proof, come back here before doing anything else.

Don't ignore this. Click Notify and ask the mods to move your thread.

No - even though they have moments of incredible remorse they are powerless against the pull of the affair. This is an addiction we are talking about. The only thing that works is to publicly ruin the affair. If you personally try to strong arm her conscience she will not only resent you enormously but she will have to harden her conscience to escape. Once people do that they become monsters and don't feel any guilt whatsoever.

I was glad to hear she was crying because you may still have time to expose before her conscience hardens. She has been wayward a long time.



Every if you got through to her, she'd suffer such incredible withdrawal symptoms for her lover, her promise wouldn't last. You yourself thought you were done with her until you experienced withdrawal. Love is the most addictive brain chemical possible. Affairs are even more addictive than legitimate love. Until exposure ruins them.

Not sure what you mean by "asking". But don't give her any clue that you know something's up until after you get proof and expose.

It's okay here to be a bit strategic in getting proof for the sake of saving the marriage.

That sounds great.

DV: the cranes, the translated love notes, the poetry - you are clearly a romantic guy and this will definitely be a strength in the near future.

But trying to use romance against an affair is like whispering against the backdrop of a storm. She will simply be unable to register anything over her affair. Affairs are secret fantasies with no problems or even slight disagreements.

Also - is there any possibility your wife is snooping on you? It's sometimes done to protect the A. The recent guest on your thread sounded like she had a personal agenda. If so - hurry.

If Mrs DV is watching, pull up a chair and start your own thread

WOW!!!

Maybe there is more to your situation that needs to be discussed.

A pattern usually gets observed which is very telltale when any poster completely skips and ignores the same question posed repeatedly.

Most of us want to know how much of Dr. Harley's writings you have Absorbed, so that if we feel you need to upgrade your knowledge base regarding Dr. Harley's professional perspective, then we could redirect the poster and request that they avail themselves to the full and comprehensive text that has been point by point written with the intent for clear and concise instantly useable instructions.

The reason that I specifically stated that I had read your entire thread, is that you had just recently berated and totally blown off another poster, in particular,one who consistently provides extraordinary advice. I was seeking to Ruffle your feathers in advance, because you seem very easily agitated.

So, which persona is the authentic version of you?

The one who after the fact would like to fold up 1,000 paper cranes and writes romantic poetry?

Or the one who blows his stack against anonymous posters, whom just do not want to see another human being have to endure the pain of a breaking down marriage and face the realistic probability that there spouse is having an affair?

Another point about stating that I had read your entire topic thread from beginning to end. I read EVERY Thread from beginning to end, yet I do not sit down and take notes about minute detail changes from one poster to the next. Most situations have So Many similarities to them, it's uncanny, due to the Nature Of The Addiction That Affairee Behavior Causes.

I read my content that I posted to you a couple of times over, so that if I needed to correct the way I deliver my messages, I can understand where I am responsible for conveying my thoughts incorrectly.

The ONLY thing that I could minutely conceive of being interpreted as "Yelling" at you, is the one sentence where I capitalized it asking which books you have read.

Seriously, wouldn't it have been so much simpler just to politely respond to the requests made by several posters instead of waiting for the "Yelling" at you to finally get you to update the posters with the answer.

By the way, although Capitalization may be a method for Shouting or yelling, I only use it on various words for emphasis. Especially when the majority of my posting are done from my cell phone. I just had Both of my knees replaced with new implants 2 weeks ago and was in the hospital for acute intensive rehab therapy and am now continuing my rehab from my Sisters home, so I have the availability to use an actual computer instead of my cell phone, hence the much longer post than usual.

So, now comes along another question asked repeatedly. Have you requested, by hitting the Notify Button, to have the Moderator move your topic thread to the more appropriate forum, entitled, Surviving An Affair yet?

LTL

x2

I find the "denial" type of BS often sabotage affair fighting efforts by going off and following their own plans (such as confronting the WS) after they get some evidence. Please don't do that.

Well she stayed overnight, they didn't eat the pumpkin soup, our only face to face interaction was her asking to talk to me where she wanted to advise me that all social contact with her son was to go through her because he was feeling uncomfortable with my new attention, and to stop leaving her cranes because they were not having the effect I desired and were making her feel uncomfortable.

They left shortly after and will be gone house sitting for three weeks.

I kept looking her eyes and all I could think of was wanting to hold her again. I want this pain to stop. Now.

Did you find out who the OM is?

No. I basically have no way of finding out if there is.

You need to move off your butt and fight this affair.

DV, we deal with men and women in this situation here all the time, sadly. It is like seeing people who have fallen into a vat of acid and are burning to death. It's tragic.

We have a plan to help you get out of the vat of acid, but you have got to keep moving and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can't be saying "I can't." You have got to do the next step, and then the next step, and then the next step. I know it hurts, and I know it's like you are dissolving in a vat of acid, but we are telling you how to get out of it. Don't sit down in the acid and say "I can't."

If there's any spot where you stop and say "I can't," then that is the thing that is going to eat you alive. You're going to lose you marriage in the most painful way possible if you do not find out the identity of the OM. I promise you. If you aren't going to do this, then you had better just go ahead and file for divorce, because that would be less pain for you in the long run.

Find out the OM or get a divorce lawyer and make a quick end of this.

That is not true.

You are headed for some serious pain, DV, if you do not deal with this.

You've been telling us for weeks that you "can't deal with it," but if you take that approach then this thing is going to dissolve you whole and eat you alive. Better get out of it fast, or get through it fast, but don't sit there whining about it while it kills you.

I fixed that for you.

Do you want to stay married to this woman?

Your heart has led you to a failing marriage and a cheating wife.

Are you ready to admit that like the rest of us you don't know jack about this and get some help? Or are you going to keep making it up as you go along?

DW, you need to see your doctor immediately and get him to prescribe some short term antidepressants so that you can stay rational and follow a plan to better your situation.

Otherwise you are just going to keep flitting around fiddling while Rome burns.

If you want to stay married to her, follow Marriage Builders by finding out who the OM is.

If you do not want to stay married to her, see a divorce attorney.

I went back to your first post and found this.


There is an affair involved. Do you want to get a divorce, or keep your marriage?

On the first day you came here, you told us:


And I'm positive we told you that was ridiculous.

Yet here you are a month later still talking about getting out of the bedroom.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Are you ready to admit that Plan Dajavude doesn't work and try Plan Marriage Builders? FIND OUT WHO YOUR WIFE IS WITH.