we have been married for 10 years together for 12. He spent a lot of that time being unfaithful even had a girlfriend for a year. I left several times, and eventually had one affair of my own which ended everything. I kicked him out. He spent months begging, crying, doing all he could to get me back.
4 years later and we are here, he had another affair. Says it was nothing more than hand holding and talking, but he loved her...well thought maybe he did.
During this couple weeks, before I found out, he was saying he was confused unhappy. Didn't want to hurt me, didn't want to hurt anyone. Wasn't sure he wanted to leave, wasn't sure if he wanted to go. It was a hellish 2 weeks. I ate nothing, cried daily, begged for answers.
This last weekend I found out, he apologized and held me while I cried. Gave me many falsehoods before telling me truths. He says he called her and ended it. He had it so hidden, going so far as to calling her from pay phones and meeting in secret.
Now we are here in the house. I am crushed, feeling hurt and sad. Still not eating, going on three weeks. He is cold, depressed, hesitant about affections or even normal conversation. When I asked him to prove his whereabouts he got upset. Won't do it. Wants me to drop the whole thing and stop talking about it.
When I cry he is there holding me, but the rest of the time we only exist in the same room and nothing more.
He was showing me love and affections just before this affair. But now is unwilling to do so much. I am at a loss, do I wait for him to get over this person and then he will go back to wanting me again, or should I just walk away?

Do you have any children?

The first thing I want to encourage you to do is visit your family doctor and ask for anti-depressants for your situation. Tell the doctor what is going on.
Dr. Harley encourages anyone facing these situations to speak with their doctor and request anti-depressants.

We have two children. And my medical is stupid...basically I pay for insurance but have to pay out of pocket a few thousand before I actually get anything covered by medical. We cannot afford it.

His repeat affairs are abusive, you should plan to go into Plan B (dark separation) immediately.

You can give him a list of requirements to follow in order for you to stay in the marriage, but since he seems uninterested to even follow basic ones (like telling you his whereabouts), I doubt he will agree to all the EP's required to create a safe marriage for you. Unless he is willing to create a safe marriage, one of extraordinary care, you need to separate.

Serial cheaters are very difficult to recover with, even if they are completely willing to change their ways, which he is not.

If you stay in this abusive situation, it will wear on your health until you end up in the funny farm, and you have children to think about.

I don't understand what you mean by your affair ending everything.

None of these affairs, neither his nor yours, have been recovered from properly. That is why you find yourself so deep in the hole now. Your marriage is full of characteristics that make affairs happen. You need to educate yourself on the true nature of affairs, how to recover from them, and how to reconstitute your marriage in such a way that future affairs become impossible. You should read "Surviving an Affair".

You should be medically checked out for a Full STD tests for any/all varieties of sexually transmitted diseases.

LTL

Who is the OW? Is she married?

Who have you exposed this to?

When i had an affair I was done with H. Was going to move on. It took months for me to even want to speak to him because at that point I was completely and totally done. He has been completely faithful since then. He was loving, and caring, and everything he was never durring when he was cheating. It was only when he met this OW and started seeing her that his attitude toward me changed. It was only a few weeks ago also.
I dont know anything about the OW as he wont tell me much. He doesnt want me freaking out on her...which I would because what kind of woman is going to go for a married man?
Admittedly we have been having issues. I myself have been negative and just gave up on myself, didnt care much. So there are underlying problems.
I am in a situation where I am completely dependant on him. I cant work much due to debilitating migraines.
Right now all I am doing is trying to get through the days weighing all my options and plans.
He got an STD a few years back, I have none.

You have migraines?
have you visited a doctor for these?
You need to see a doctor for anti-depressants. There may be clinics available for free or sliding fee scales in your area.

You need to find out who the OW is and expose his affair.

migraines will be worse under stress (bad marriage). Xou should get specific treatment and/or help from a pain specialist.

I understand, my medical is the same ever since Obamacare. But I know some antidepressants are very inexpensive, like just a $5 or $10 a month. So yes, you will probably have to pay for the doctor visit, but how much is your sanity worth? If your husband can afford to entertain an OW, surely your well being in the face of his repeat infidelity is worth 1 - 2 hundred dollars.

I believe it's nearly impossible to make rational decisions and to be strong when you are depressed and crying and going through something horrible like this. An anti-depressant could give you clarity that you otherwise may not be able to get, to see the situation for what it really is and have the strength to be your own best advocate.

What if the car broke down or one of you broke a leg, or some other such emergency? Wouldn't you be able to find the one time payment somehow? This is an emergency of your husband's making and you should not suffer additionally due to the cost of a Dr. visit. Also, there may be county health clinics where you can go that are less expensive.

Good luck to you. I really feel for you.