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Of course she wants to find another church. She can go there and pretend she isn't cheating on her husband and destroying her family. See how effective exposure is for your Plan A?
If you hadn't exposed at church, she could go on pretending and could even paint you as some kind of awful husband. Garner sympathy and support for the new lover. Ugh.
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I thank God for leading me to marrage builder's without Doc Harley and you guys I would be really lost.
As I am watching things unfold, it seems she still steaming ahead, I keep wondering when it going to all fall apart.
I am guessing it's a slow process, just like how the affair started.
You know i seeing small bits that erode at the fantasy just make her frustrated and see tries harder.
It's not easy to watch, but I guess I have too.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Are you keeping a audio recorder on you?
If not do so.
Sometimes a cheating woman will accuse the husband of assault etc and get the guy kicked out of the house and the boyfriend moved in.
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Are you keeping a audio recorder on you?
If not do so.
Sometimes a cheating woman will accuse the husband of assault etc and get the guy kicked out of the house and the boyfriend moved in. Yes i am keeping a voice recorder. i rent and she is not on the lease, so the problem is if she gets me removed then there is not longer a legal tenant. She would get evicted then. Looks like my wife is visiting the POSOM she came home at 4am. I am guessing the POSOM does not care what the pastor and parents or anyone ones option.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Know my wife is telling me i am undermining her parenting by telling the kids about the divorce and she is still mad that thy seen her farther and has forbidden me to let the kids see him. She is sure acting like she is in charge and do as i say.
Oh and the older daughter throw a huge fit at her mother, i guess hit,bit and kicked, telling her she wished was not her mother today, so she called me to take care of of the older daughter. As i see it its her fault for being anger allthe toward her daughter. I keep talking to my daughter about respecting her mother and she like why should i she not nice and destoring the family, so ill do what i can to make her life miserable.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Regarding the older daughter, i encourage you to have her see a Christian counselor or maybe speak to an older lady in your church.
kicking and biting is completely out of control behavior and should not be tolerated.
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Regarding the older daughter, i encourage you to have her see a Christian counselor or maybe speak to an older lady in your church.
kicking and biting is completely out of control behavior and should not be tolerated. Well she got alot of anger towards her mom the way she been treating and talks to her. In away I understand, but I don't approve of. Her reasoning if mom treats me like garbage I'll treat her like that too. She mad mom breaking up her family and wants to take her from the only father she knows.right know my daughter and I have a great relationship and she feels I really care for her were as she feels her mom does not.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Oh wait.
i forgot this is your step daughter.
in that case, just try to be a friend to her.
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I have desided because I have no idea what my wife might do, I feel I need to make a move before I am painted in a corner or halled off on some charge. I am going to file for separation. But I am afraid what she might be capable of. And all this anger is not healthy for the kids. I really hate too but maybe a cool down and time might help. She seem determined to go down this path that nothing going to stop her. I pray I am making the right decision. Life choice are so hard. 
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I have desided because I have no idea what my wife might do, I feel I need to make a move before I am painted in a corner or halled off on some charge. I am going to file for separation. But I am afraid what she might be capable of. And all this anger is not healthy for the kids. I really hate too but maybe a cool down and time might help. She seem determined to go down this path that nothing going to stop her. I pray I am making the right decision. Life choice are so hard. I think Dr Harley would support this because it may offer you legal protections against debts she incurs etc while carrying on her affair. However, many waywards use a separation as an excuse to cheat. Since she is already actively out at all hours of the night with her lover, I dont think a legal separation will reinforce her thinking though. She seems determined to carry on this affair despite public humiliation. In Plan A, You would continue to try to meet her emotional needs. In the case of a legal separation, you may be unable to do so. In that case, you may play yourself into a Plan B. I suggest you send an email to Dr. Harley for guidance. Sample language would be as follows: Dear Dr. Harley, I have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a blended family and both have kids brought into the marriage. I found your forum a couple months ago after reading His Needs Her Needs. My wife has been having an affair with a man for (XXX time). I have exposed the affair to family, friends and clergy and confronted him in front of his mother (whom he lives with). My wife carries on her affair in the open now and often stays out all night, coming home at early hours in the morning. I have decided to contact a lawyer and request some type of legal separation to protect myself. I am concerned she could make false allegations against me or incur debt. A few days ago, she drove a car home from a used car dealer and asked me to sign loan documents for it. Would you recommend trying to continue plan A during a legal separation or plan B? Sincerely, ------- Also, do not speak about legal separation to anyone until you see an attorney
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Consider this previous post concerning separation. She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move? I'm not sure where you are on exposure but I did want to pipe in about one thing. You exposed her at church and they made OM break it off with her. That was a awesome smart move. However, your wayward wife now incorrectly thinks if she separates from you (and later divorces you) she can THEN resume the affair. My wife kind of did the same thing after OM dumped her. See...she THINKS the only reason they can't be together is because she's with you/married to you...so in order to get the affair back...she's got to separate. I simply said "no". Your wife is looking for work but she can't afford to move out on her own and hopefully her parents or relatives don't take her in leaving her "stuck" with you. It's OK if she's just stuck. Your affair can over come her anger. It can't overcome and ongoing affair. Right now she's just acting like a crack head who's only dealer disappeared. OM was her crack and she wants it back, but OM is done with her and hopefully he doesn't get wishy washy on her saying "I'll wait for you" or some other bull when trying to end it politely. Once she withdraws from daily contact and starts thinking a bit more clearly (2-4 weeks), she'll calm down and hopefully start to see the foolishness of her ways. Watch for her also to start criticizing OM for being a wimp who is afraid of upsetting his family and church. She'll be offended that his "love" wasn't strong enough or deep enough for him to ignore them like she expected him to. She'll start realize that OM just used her and when the going got tough OM ran (whereas....when the going got tough for you, her husband, you didn't run, you fought for her). It's a distinction she'll realize in time. Godspeed.
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So far everything I have done just seems to make her mad and she just presses harder to spend time with POSOM.
And even is so bold to take to him at church.
It really hurts to see the effects on the family as a whole.
I still have no idea what she going to do she can't afford a apartment. Let along all the other costs of living. That's I am afraid of what she might pull, since lieing is ok, and any morality seems to be gone.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The anger at you isn't a bad thing. You're in her way of the dope peddler (POSOM). Some time back there were posts on this website about being the Lighthouse. Being steady and willing to show the wayward the way back to your marriage.
The anger was starting back when you exposed her affair. That flame is still burning. Hold fast, and pray. It would be much worse if your wife had no reaction at all to the exposure. It is killing their affair.
By the way, C.S. Lewis wrote a series of children's books that you can borrow from the library. It was titled The Narnia Chronicles. The first book in the series was The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. (Some of the stories were made into feature length films.) Take your 10 year old to the library and take out that book for her. It's a lovely story. And even younger children than your 10 year old enjoy them.
I still have a complete set, and I still read them, they are wonderful! And a good introduction to a Christian philosopher. Nothing about cheating mothers and POSOMs. Just a wholesome escape for everyone. And another brick in the safe, secure household from an ugly world out there.
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I talked with the lawyer again today and he said just wait and when things get or look bad with her anger, go for a drive and be away for a while.
If things go down to finalizing a divorce, he's got a plan and it's going to be messy and he said we can go after the POSOM. The lawyer is guessing the POSOM is going to hate what's comming. So lots more pressure on her and the POSOM.
And we have a plan in place for my step daughter too he things I have a good case to include her.
Know the scarry part, is cost might be up in the range of 10k. Looks like he is going to work with me and give me sideline stuff to do to help keep the cost down. I pray that God will provide the means to for me to keep fighting.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Posts: 251
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The anger at you isn't a bad thing. You're in her way of the dope peddler (POSOM). Some time back there were posts on this website about being the Lighthouse. Being steady and willing to show the wayward the way back to your marriage.
The anger was starting back when you exposed her affair. That flame is still burning. Hold fast, and pray. It would be much worse if your wife had no reaction at all to the exposure. It is killing their affair.
By the way, C.S. Lewis wrote a series of children's books that you can borrow from the library. It was titled The Narnia Chronicles. The first book in the series was The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. (Some of the stories were made into feature length films.) Take your 10 year old to the library and take out that book for her. It's a lovely story. And even younger children than your 10 year old enjoy them.
I still have a complete set, and I still read them, they are wonderful! And a good introduction to a Christian philosopher. Nothing about cheating mothers and POSOMs. Just a wholesome escape for everyone. And another brick in the safe, secure household from an ugly world out there. I know about the Narnia series of books, but nothing of his other stuff. I know the kids watched the new versions of the movies, I'll have to get the book version to read to them. Thy love there stories before bed.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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The Chronicles of Narnia are pretty intense.
They involve battles and death.
I love the series very much but it is not feel good, lovely stuff.
It is kind of scary all the way through.
The Last Battle is tough and upsetting.
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Kids love the battles, and the really young ones don't get what death really is. Video games have characters dying all the time, and coming back to fight again. I've read Lewis to my little cousins, as well as Philip Pullman's trilogy. They were glued to my side begging me to read just one more chapter. My son loved them too.
Remember the Grimm's Fairy Tales, the original ones? They were also intense and full of disturbing themes. Kids feed their imaginations with them, and add them to their made-up games. They conquer the witches, kill the trolls, and build forts out of cushions to defend against the giants.
I was a pretty long in the tooth adult before learning that Lewis was a Christian writer. He was amazing. His adult works are worth the read for anybody.
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Another good series my kids love is the Oz books by Baum
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I keep wondering to myself if my wife will come back, she seems so far away and wanting nothing but this POSOM.
Yesterday we went to the county fair together as a family and she just was not there and the older daughter was getting upset at the end because she felt that mommy was talking all the fun out of the experience i felt that way too. it was just the vibes she was giving off i guess.
I gave her flowers and a card Thursday day for are 4 year anniversary. I got those are nice flowers and nothing about the card. its really hard not to feel like all this is for not and she will end up hating me after she finds out i have a lawyer involved to defend me and the kids including the step daughter.
he thinks i have a great case in winning rights to her.
Last edited by RonClark; 08/08/15 03:55 PM.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Visitation rights maybe but you will not have custodial rights to a child you aren't related to
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