Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 22 of 24 1 2 20 21 22 23 24
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by mrEureka
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I don't see point in snooping anymore. We have been separated 6 weeks. No one is going to care about the ethics of her dating / sleeping with someone now.
You never have seen any point in snooping. The point in snooping is to gather the necessary intelligence to enable an effective marriage recovery effort.
Originally Posted by Dajavude
There's going to be two ex-wives that I'll carry love for around inside me.
That's because you are not following the MB plan. If you work through the full plan and it doesn't result in recovering your marriage, what it will result in is the loss of any residual love for the wayward spouse. People who follow the plan either recover their marriages or they recover themselves. You are choosing to do neither.

I have enough evidence to show there was a mental plan in my wifes head to leave me and see if she could start a relationship with him. There is not enough evidence to prove there was a physical relationship or one that emotionally crossed a significant enough boundry that exposing would bring about any positive change in the recovery of our relaotionship.

She has been neglected by me, and associates me with unhappiness. Her true unhappiness comes from her own lack of spiritual / inner contentment with her place in our life. She has chosen to eliminate me and look for a better, probably mor financially successful, partner.

So, no, I don't see any more point in "snooping" because it won't result in the discovery of a full blown affair before she left me. Pretty simple really.

Last edited by Dajavude; 08/16/15 09:23 AM.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Aerith
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I just hope she decides to make a fair settlement arrangement without having to resort to a costly, and lengthy, dispute.
How complicated could be a divorce settlement for 3 month marriage with no kids? Why would you expect it to be long and costly?

Also I've read somewhere that you need to be separated for 12 months before you can file for divorce in Australia... Is that correct?

Technically we are not "married". I suggested, and we decided, to have a commitment ceremony to show respect for same sex couples in australia that are refused the right to marry.

So technically we can get settlement straight away. But, she is refusing to negotiate directly with me and is using a solicitor. Her "offers" have been insultingly below what I am legally entitled to. All she would have to do is make an offer close to what I would be entitled to and I would accept it. But she is choosing to drag it out through legal channels.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Dajavude
Technically we are not "married". I suggested, and we decided, to have a commitment ceremony to show respect for same sex couples in australia that are refused the right to marry.

So technically we can get settlement straight away. But, she is refusing to negotiate directly with me and is using a solicitor. Her "offers" have been insultingly below what I am legally entitled to. All she would have to do is make an offer close to what I would be entitled to and I would accept it. But she is choosing to drag it out through legal channels.
You choose to tell us now that "technically" you are not married?

If you are not married "technically", in what way ARE you married? What other way is there?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
posted on 7-7-2015

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Are you married to her?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
posted on 7-7-2015
Originally Posted by Dajavude
WE have been living together for 6 years, and we were married 3 months ago

So actually you lied to us.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by Dajavude
Technically we are not "married". I suggested, and we decided, to have a commitment ceremony to show respect for same sex couples in australia that are refused the right to marry.

So technically we can get settlement straight away. But, she is refusing to negotiate directly with me and is using a solicitor. Her "offers" have been insultingly below what I am legally entitled to. All she would have to do is make an offer close to what I would be entitled to and I would accept it. But she is choosing to drag it out through legal channels.
You choose to tell us now that "technically" you are not married?

If you are not married "technically", in what way ARE you married? What other way is there?

I explained it above pretty clearly. In australia, Gay and lesbians don't have the right to get "married" they have commitment ceremonies. I have a strong political view against this and I have homosexual family members that could not get "married" so we decided our ceremony would be a commitment ceremony. Legally it makes no difference to our financial rights or to wills etc. It just means there doesn't need to be a legal divorce.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
posted on 7-7-2015
Originally Posted by Dajavude
WE have been living together for 6 years, and we were married 3 months ago

So actually you lied to us.

No, it's semantics

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
Thank you for finally telling the truth. All this time I thought you were married. I'm sorry I wasted my time on this thread.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I explained it above pretty clearly. In australia, Gay and lesbians don't have the right to get "married" they have commitment ceremonies. I have a strong political view against this and I have homosexual family members that could not get "married" so we decided our ceremony would be a commitment ceremony. Legally it makes no difference to our financial rights or to wills etc. It just means there doesn't need to be a legal divorce.
You chose not to get married because gay people can't get married?

Well, fair enough, but I don't know why you told us you are married if you are not.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Thank you for finally telling the truth. All this time I thought you were married. I'm sorry I wasted my time on this thread.

**EDIT** It's the same thing. What difference does it make to how the relationship is treated. It was just the ritual we chose to represent our commitment to each other. Makes no difference just because we signed a different form.

Last edited by MBSync; 08/16/15 02:32 PM. Reason: TOS - disrespectful
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I explained it above pretty clearly. In australia, Gay and lesbians don't have the right to get "married" they have commitment ceremonies. I have a strong political view against this and I have homosexual family members that could not get "married" so we decided our ceremony would be a commitment ceremony. Legally it makes no difference to our financial rights or to wills etc. It just means there doesn't need to be a legal divorce.
You chose not to get married because gay people can't get married?

Well, fair enough, but I don't know why you told us you are married if you are not.


Because it means the same thing - except for the requirement to get a legal divorce. In the eyes of the law and community it;s the same as a marriage.

Last edited by Dajavude; 08/16/15 09:49 AM.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Dajavude
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Thank you for finally telling the truth. All this time I thought you were married. I'm sorry I wasted my time on this thread.

**EDIT** It's the same thing. What difference does it make to how the relationship is treated. It was just the ritual we chose to represent our commitment to each other. Makes no difference just because we signed a different form.
The situation you are in represents your commitment to each other. It's not the commitment of a marriage.

Last edited by MBSync; 08/16/15 02:33 PM. Reason: Editing quote
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Originally Posted by Dajavude
Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Thank you for finally telling the truth. All this time I thought you were married. I'm sorry I wasted my time on this thread.

**EDIT** It's the same thing. What difference does it make to how the relationship is treated. It was just the ritual we chose to represent our commitment to each other. Makes no difference just because we signed a different form.
The situation you are in represents your commitment to each other. It's not the commitment of a marriage.

No it's the same thing

Last edited by MBSync; 08/16/15 02:34 PM. Reason: Editing quote
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Dajavude
[Because it means the same thing - except for the requirement to get a legal divorce. In the eyes of the law and community it;s the same as a marriage.
If it's the same as marriage, why the need to protest?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by Dajavude
[Because it means the same thing - except for the requirement to get a legal divorce. In the eyes of the law and community it;s the same as a marriage.
If it's the same as marriage, why the need to protest?

Because people are calling me a liar and insinuating the situation would be different if we signed a different piece of paper. It was called a marriage. She wore a wedding dress and we were pronounced man an wife in front of our family and friends.

I find it extremely insulting to have people here call me a liar.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,535
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I find it extremely insulting to have people here call me a liar.
Sorry - I meant - why the need to protest about gay people not having the right to marry, if a commitment ceremony is the same as marriage in the eyes of the law and the community. Why protest by having a commitment ceremony instead of a marriage ceremony?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Dajavude
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
posted on 7-7-2015
Originally Posted by Dajavude
WE have been living together for 6 years, and we were married 3 months ago

So actually you lied to us.

No, it's semantics

Like I said, you lied.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Dajavude
[
I find it extremely insulting to have people here call me a liar.

I am extremely offended that you lied to many people here - and Dr Harley - about your relationship.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by Dajavude
I find it extremely insulting to have people here call me a liar.
Sorry - I meant - why the need to protest about gay people not having the right to marry, if a commitment ceremony is the same as marriage in the eyes of the law and the community. Why protest by having a commitment ceremony instead of a marriage ceremony?

Out of respect

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Dajavude
[
I find it extremely insulting to have people here call me a liar.

I am extremely offended that you lied to many people here - and Dr Harley - about your relationship.

How did i lie.

Either its the same as marriage for the purposes of determining the status of our relationship or it's not.

As far as I, my wife, and anybody else that has half a brain it's the same thing and the term "married" refers to both.

If you want to maintain some religiously sanctimonious reverence for "married" only being one particular thing and only that has any true significance that is your view and choice.

But you are wrong and have no justification in calling me a liar.

Page 22 of 24 1 2 20 21 22 23 24

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 407 guests, and 51 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5