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There's an article about when the husband is not getting his sexual needs met, but what about when the wife isn't? I know that he must be masturbating or something because when we do have sex, and he "ejaculates" there is hardly anything there. An article should be written here about the wife's sexual needs too. Also may look into the husband wearing a chastity device so that he doesn't as easily masturbate.

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Originally Posted By: junie136
There's an article about when the husband is not getting his sexual needs met, but what about when the wife isn't? I know that he must be masturbating or something because when we do have sex, and he "ejaculates" there is hardly anything there. An article should be written here about the wife's sexual needs too. Also may look into the husband wearing a chastity device so that he doesn't as easily masturbate.


Have you asked him if he is masturbating?
There can be physiological factors which effect sexual performance also.

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Also i dont know how a chastity device would assist you.
That is from the middle ages when the church taught that masturbation would cause illnesses and sone parents made their children wear them. I doubt your husband would be willing to wear one if he is of a full mind.

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Dr. Harley is very concerned about the wife getting her sexual need met as well.

The first thing to check for is porn use or an affair. What snooping have you done? A man involved in either of these things will often have a decreased interest in sex with his wife.

Another problem could be low testosterone. Has he had those checked lately?

Those are a couple of areas that you can start investigating to solve this problem.

It is solvable.


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What to do with an Angry Husband

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How old are you and how long have you been married? Any children? Any history of affairs or porn use?


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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Maybe something else is wrong. Pressure is a huge thing for men. If he's feeling pressure to perform it has a very detrimental effect. Perhaps it's a pre-mature ejaculation situation. Look up how to help on that.

I mean seriously, a chastity device for your husband? Instead, have you tried just talking to him about it in a calm, non-love busting manner?

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I can relate. It can be very frustrating. The whole world (it seems) knows men need sex but women aren't supposed to...or are bad girls if they do. LOL

**edit**

That said, I see the Marriage Builders material on this site as a compliment to a happy sex life...I mean if you're happily in love then pleasing the other person is top priority.


Last edited by Denali; 08/31/15 10:07 PM. Reason: TOS removing links

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He always says he never masturbates.

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No, there are modern chastity devices now that are used to help a man be more devoted to his wife. From what I read, it really increases the man's desire toward his wife.

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I have a phone app on his phone, but he hasn't let me on his computer, I only have a user account.

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5 months into our relationship I found he had been "chatting" with prospects on dating sites (dated 4-5 months into our relationship). Also phone #'s on sticky notes (that may have been from before we were dating). That was a year ago. Now he says I should trust him no questions asked. I'm not ready to do that yet. He accuses me of having "trust issues".

Last edited by junie136; 08/31/15 11:46 PM.
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He certainly felt no pressure to perform in the first 6 months of our relationship! Yes I would seriously at least want to try with the chastity device. It wouldn't hurt I'm sure. Maybe only help. If we're married, **EDIT** mine anyway. That's what the bible says.

Last edited by Mizar; 09/01/15 01:24 PM. Reason: TOS: graphic
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Originally Posted By: junie136
He certainly felt no pressure to perform in the first 6 months of our relationship! Yes I would seriously at least want to try with the chastity device. It wouldn't hurt I'm sure. Maybe only help. If we're married, his package is mine anyway. That's what the bible says.


I suspect he may be having sex or masturbating.
Can you afford to hire a private investigator to find out?
Also, can you place spyware on his phone?

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Originally Posted By: Prisca
How old are you and how long have you been married? Any children? Any history of affairs or porn use?

Could you please answer these?


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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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"What if the wife is not getting sex" is an extremely common question that Dr. Harley addresses frequently. He has a series of steps you should follow to try to resolve this problem in your marriage.

But expressing outrage that supposedly nobody ever talks about this problem is counterproductive. Dr. Harley has a solution - learn it and try it. If you will listen carefully to the posters here and answer their questions and follow what they say Dr. Harley suggests, you will probably be able to resolve this problem.

I don't know anyone who believes that women don't need sex or aren't supposed to enjoy it and that sounds like an offensive caricature directed at my faith or my culture, to be honest, and discussing such generalities and hypotheticals is never helpful to saving a marriage. The problem is not that some people think women shouldn't enjoy sex (if anyone really thinks that). The problem is not that Dr. Harley doesn't address this issue (he does). The problem is that a woman is not getting her emotional needs met in her marriage. There are a series of solutions Dr. Harley recommends trying for that.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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There was a radio show about a wife who had higher sex drive than her husband. (I think it was in June.) Dr. Harley addressed the problem very comprehensively.

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Originally Posted By: apples123
There was a radio show about a wife who had higher sex drive than her husband. (I think it was in June.) Dr. Harley addressed the problem very comprehensively.

I think this may be the show apples123 is referring to.

Radio Clip
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4
Segment #5


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: junie136
...Now he says I should trust him no questions asked. I'm not ready to do that yet. He accuses me of having "trust issues".


I think his response is concerning and I would hire a PI and/or investigate as others have suggested. No one should ever trust anyone "no questions asked." That is how affairs and pornography addictions develop. Giving you this unrealistic response sounds like he has something to hide. And accusing you of having "trust issues" is a common tactic to gaslight you into self-doubt and shift the focus from his secrecy to your "issues."

With that said, I'm very confused about how you can make a man who will not share his computer account with you wear a chastity device.

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***EDIT***

Last edited by Toujours; 09/04/15 02:01 PM. Reason: TOS: Non-MB advice
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Please advise this poster using Marriage Builders principles, or refrain from posting.


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