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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. 
Last edited by JustDaytoDay; 09/02/15 10:02 PM.
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Regardless of what you say about me, it doesn't change the fact that you're contradicting Steve's instruction and undermining his advice. Once again, we all know that Steve did not tell you to love bust your husband, despite your clintonesque rationalizations. How many ways do I have to say it? Steve didn't instruct me to do anything. Then we aren't contradicting Steve's advice at all. We are telling you you are disrespectful and abusive and to not do it - that isn't contradicting his advice at all, because he didn't give you any.
Last edited by markos; 09/02/15 10:03 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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How many ways do I have to say it? Steve didn't instruct me to do anything. Therefore, the list of things that you can itemize of actual things he did not tell me to do could be quite long. And unproductive. You continue to cite what Steve did tell you while ignoring that he certainly did not advise you to love bust your husband. Yet you still do it. Given the entirety of what he knew, he determined that the FIRST thing that needed to be done was the log by Remark. Perhaps if Remark had done it as assigned, we would have had a few more calls with Steve by now. Who knows what sort of progress might have been made. But what about YOUR PROGRESS? We see none when you continually love bust your husband and come on the forum and attempt to enlist people to beat up Remark on your behalf. If Remark is posting again asking for advise, why is everyone dismissing his assignment? Let's focus on YOU on your thread. You need to let Remark worry about Remark and focus on cleaning up your own behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. $10 Amazon gift certificate, then.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. You can't answer his challenge?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Still, no one seems the least bit concerned that REMARK DID NOT DO WHAT STEVE SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM TO DO. For some reason, it seems more productive for everyone to speculate on what he DID NOT TELL ME. The solution is to tell your husband how you feel and then DROP IT. Don't keep harping on it. I haven't discussed it with him since our call to Steve. I've mentioned it on this MB forum this week in my update after having been gone for a month. That's harping???? You have discussed it here and tried to get others to do your bidding. And that's harping??
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[
You have discussed it here and tried to get others to do your bidding. And that's harping?? [/quote] harp h�rp/Submit verb gerund or present participle: harping 1. talk or write persistently and tediously on a particular topic. "guys who are constantly harping on about the war"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. You can't answer his challenge? Already answered. He didn't tell me anything, to do or not to do. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. I thought that would have covered it.
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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. You can't answer his challenge? Already answered. He didn't tell me anything, to do or not to do. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. I thought that would have covered it. Then why do you continually accuse Markos and Prisca of "contradicting" Steve Harley?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Already answered.
He didn't tell me anything, to do or not to do.
He didn't tell me anything.
He didn't tell me anything.
He didn't tell me anything.
He didn't tell me anything.
He didn't tell me anything.
I thought that would have covered it. Then it is impossible for us to be contradicting his advice to you.
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If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,
or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,
I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book. We already have them all. You can't answer his challenge? Already answered. He didn't tell me anything, to do or not to do. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell me anything. I thought that would have covered it. So - there's nothing he told you to do that we are telling you not to do. There's nothing he told you not to do that we are telling you to do. We are not contradicting his advice.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It DOES matter what he does, and I find it very counter-productive of you to contradict Steve's specific instruction.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You have been scolding Markos and Prisca for 2 days now for "contradicting" Steve Harley. Explain HOW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It doesn't matter at this point what he tries to do -- you are hellbent on punishing him for every mistake. Until you commit to protecting him from yourself when he makes mistakes, then there really isn't much more he can do.
Remark COULD do what he needs to do, but you haven't given him any reason to. The future he faces is one with a very critical wife who punishes him every time he slips up. Nobody would be motivated by that.
The ball is really in your court. He can't go any further until you join him. and I find it very counter-productive of you to contradict Steve's specific instruction. Steve seemed to think it did matter what Remark did and gave him an assignment, and his assignment wasn't dependent upon me. ETA: And, if we had a call with him tomorrow, I suspect Steve would ask what progress Remark had made on that assignment. That seems like it does matter.
Last edited by JustDaytoDay; 09/02/15 10:19 PM.
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It doesn't matter at this point what he tries to do -- you are hellbent on punishing him for every mistake. Until you commit to protecting him from yourself when he makes mistakes, then there really isn't much more he can do.
Remark COULD do what he needs to do, but you haven't given him any reason to. The future he faces is one with a very critical wife who punishes him every time he slips up. Nobody would be motivated by that.
The ball is really in your court. He can't go any further until you join him. and I find it very counter-productive of you to contradict Steve's specific instruction. Steve seemed to think it did matter what Remark did and gave him an assignment, and his assignment wasn't dependent upon me. How is this justification to love bust your husband? Did Steve tell you it was ok to do this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What I said was that it doesn't matter what he tries to do at this point IF YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP LOVEBUSTING HIM.
That is basic MB, Hon. You can't keep on beating on him, refusing to do your part, and expect this marriage to get anywhere. That doesn't contradict Steve or Dr. Harley. I learned it from THEM.
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ETA: And, if we had a call with him tomorrow, I suspect Steve would ask what progress Remark had made on that assignment. That seems like it does matter. Do your love busters matter?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What is your issue? It is possible for you to do both, to slap me around for my behavior AND advise Remark in a manner that is consistent with Steve's instruction. Why is that a problem for you? We are not going to discuss how we talk to Remark with you. We don't do that with any other couple, and we're not going to make an exception with you. What we will discuss with you is your behavior, and how YOU are failing to follow the program. Day- Steve and the forum are complimentary they are not the same. I have had an identical experience as you. In situations like ours Steve focuses on the husband's actions. Steve may not have mentioned your lovebusters (he has never addressed mine, either) but do you really think that means you don't have to eliminate them? Eliminating lovebusters is fundamental to Marriage Builders. It isn't the forum's job to force Remark to follow Steve's advice. I've been in your shoes and I have felt your desperation. If you come to the forum to get help you will be held accountable for your behavior . If you aren't open to that, don't post. If Remark won't continue with Steve or won't do the work you can separate from him. You can also speak to Steve about your situation on your own, without Remark's involvement. I do see where the forum's advice contradicts Steve's advice completely (based on what he told me over multiple sessions) but they are right that Steve hasn't and would never suggest that it is okay for you to Love Bust Remark.
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Prisca, if you spent half as much time on my thread being specific about the behaviors of mine you take issue with, as you do complaining about my behaviors in general, I would know what it is you're talking about. "Stop lovebusting your husband" doesn't tell me anything, especially when I barely interact with him and haven't been on the forum in a month. To be honest, I actually asked the moderators to have you blocked from posting on my thread (but they don't do that apparently unless you're breaking the rules) because your posts to me have traditionally been very snipey. I'm willing to listen. But when I ask you a question and you tell me to go figure it out, it's incredibly unhelpful.
I can't imagine why you would spend so much time on my thread if you're not trying to be helpful. Talking generically or telling me to figure it out is not being helpful.
So why then?
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I do see where the forum's advice contradicts Steve's advice completely (based on what he told me over multiple sessions) but they are right that Steve hasn't and would never suggest that it is okay for you to Love Bust Remark. The forum does not contradict Marriage Builders advice. But if you know of such an incident that was somehow missed, I would strongly suggest you notify the moderators so they can remove the post. Keep in mind, it is against TOS to contradict MB concepts.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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