Wow. I think written communication can come across in ways that it isn't meant to. I appreciate the advice, truly. I understand my mistakes and take responsibility for them. I am doing my part to remove myself from situation. I am expressing how difficult it is after making such a monumental mistake because intense feelings are involved. I am just feeling a bit attacked. I am not trying to be defensive. I am trying to express what happened in the situation just for understanding what happened. I understand that the outcome was the same as any affair. I am just explaining that I didn't go out and date and fall in love with a married man. My friend (that in many ways I respected and looked up to) of almost 20 years invited me into their marriage. I had just broken up with my bf of 15 years and agreed. I thought it was just to bring in a little excitement into marriage. I obviously wasn't thinking straight with what I was going through. I soon realized that the marriage was really suffering and neither of their needs were met. They both tried to get needs met by me. I'm not trying to be defensive or justify that anything I did was right. I am just expressing what happened. And what I tried to do. And how difficult it is once you have feelings involved. The books express to never see the other person again. That is what I have decided to do. That isn't a mutual feeling between me and them. I was looking for support and understanding in that decision, I think. I'm sorry to offend anyone here.

Could you please answer these?

I apologize, I don't feel like I'm in a safe place to further share my story. Thank you all for trying to help and listening.
I find these books to be so simple and key to having a great relationship. I'll continue to suggest it to any and everyone because we all deserve a shot at getting it right the first time around without all the problems. It's good to learn these tools at anytime but it's even better to learn them before the problems persist, needs go unmet, affairs occur, trust gets shatters and families suffer. I hope to have a great family one day and I will make better decisions along my journey to get there. Again, thanks for listening.

Your posts do come across very much as if you are trying to justify your affair by adding all these qualifiers. The fact that the wife "invited" you to have an affair does not mean it is any less an affair. An affair is an affair regardless of the reasons it began. 99% of people in affairs did not go out looking for them.

Their marriage was suffering because THEY were not meeting each others needs. Like Harley states, as soon as one need is met outside of marriage, the others are soon to follow, leading to the demise of the marriage. That is what has happened here.

And yes, you have made the right decision to never see or speak to them again. It might be a good idea to change your contact information so they can't get ahold of you.

Have you thought about how you will handle this with future serious relationships?

I agree with you. I apologize. It may have come across as though I was trying to justify it. I was not. I'm simply sharing that affairs happen in so many different ways. And most stem from needs going unmet. Thank you for your time.
I'll always be honest about the mistakes I have made and hope that others can understand that I am a work in progress. My mistakes have helped me to grow. I wish you well.

Thanks for the clarification. While unmet needs in marriage might make affairs more tempting, the biggest reason is poor boundaries around the opposite sex. For example, most affairs would never occur if spouses had appropriate boundaries.

In your situation, the affair happened because the couple purposely went looking to commit adultery. That happens in a very small percentage of affairs and is a completely different problem than what we typically see. Most adulterers sort of "fall into" it like a frog in boiling water. Rarely do they go out looking for it.

Absolutely. Boundaries need to be established. Thanks.

Have you changed all of your contact information?

When was your last contact?

What kind of boundaries have you established for this and future relationships?

The world promises happiness through these "open" relationships but it is just a lie.
i encourage you to attend a local Christian Church and seek a relationship with God. He can give you true happiness.
there is a "Devotional" in this forum under Prayer Request which you can read daily. You can also have it emailed to you daily by subscribing to Askme posts

That is blame shifting. If she told you to jump off of a bridge would you? You knew that what you were about to do years ago was wrong yet you did it any way.

Go to IC and get fixed so you do not do this again and get out of their lives forever.

These polyamorous things rarely work out. There will always be a pecking order and someone will always feel like the third wheel....because they are.