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I have no personal experience or wisdom to share for you, but I wanted to encourage you to take the advise you have previously gotten from the knowledgeable people here.
Please do NOT go back to your house, get your kids and go somewhere safe. The experience you just posted from last night is making me scared for you. If he has escalated to the point of destroying your phone so you can not call the police and physically keeping your son from you, you are not at all safe in the house with him. Please get away from him now before he escalates further!


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I am very concerned for his well being at this point. He continued to ask me what I was going to do and I said we can not be in the same house until things were straightened out.... Now he left school in tears really upset and won't answer my calls. I don't know what to do? I am very worried about him. I know he brought this on himself but I care about him and don't want him to do anything stupid.

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Originally Posted by JBKT16
How long did this take and what made him finally turn around?

I kept having angry outbursts until Prisca threw me out of the house and told me I couldn't come back until they stopped.

That was after two years of "doing Marriage Builders," too.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I think someone previously advised that if you are concerned, or he threatens to kill himself you should call the police. Perhaps now we be a good time to do that?

Last edited by doesnt_want_meFL; 09/29/15 08:07 AM.

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Originally Posted by JBKT16
I am very concerned for his well being at this point. He continued to ask me what I was going to do and I said we can not be in the same house until things were straightened out.... Now he left school in tears really upset and won't answer my calls. I don't know what to do? I am very worried about him. I know he brought this on himself but I care about him and don't want him to do anything stupid.

It's too late - he's already doing things that are an incredibly bad idea. The best thing you can do for him is stop enabling him and let him figure out how to straighten himself out on his own.

It worked for me!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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He finally answered, so I know he is ok. But he is extremely upset. I can't help but feel bad that he is hurting so much. I love him and don't want him to hurt, but I know his behavior is unacceptable.

He also thinks this forum is to blame for a lot of stuff. Which is not true....I knew what needed to be done years ago, but we were living far from family and I honestly had no where to turn.

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I can't help but feel bad that he is hurting so much.
He can change that.


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Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by JBKT16
How long did this take and what made him finally turn around?

I kept having angry outbursts until Prisca threw me out of the house and told me I couldn't come back until they stopped.

That was after two years of "doing Marriage Builders," too.

How long (while separated) did it take you to get control of everything, and for y'all to be together again? Just curious, I understand every scenario is different.

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Originally Posted by JBKT16
He finally answered, so I know he is ok. But he is extremely upset. I can't help but feel bad that he is hurting so much. I love him and don't want him to hurt, but I know his behavior is unacceptable.

He also thinks this forum is to blame for a lot of stuff. Which is not true....I knew what needed to be done years ago, but we were living far from family and I honestly had no where to turn.

I am sorry for all of this.
Stop talking to him please!
He should be worried about YOU!!!

(Calling him over & over is rewarding his angry outburst)

Go call your parents- tell them what happened-have a sudden illness to leave school and go pack your stuff- get your kids & go to your parents house.

Thoughts- never tell an angry man your calling the cops- just do it.
If your phone is taken- go to a neighbors house & borrow theirs even if you don't have kids with you- just get the cops there.

Always call the cops when stuff starts like this- again- even if you have to temp leave kids- go to neighbors or get in car to make it too a phone.

Don't ever just stay- you were in real danger!

So go get yourself safe- he is in a tailspin & it is only going to get worse..... Leave now because you care so much for him- it will give him a chance for help.


BW-3 Kids
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Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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Originally Posted by JBKT16
Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by JBKT16
How long did this take and what made him finally turn around?

I kept having angry outbursts until Prisca threw me out of the house and told me I couldn't come back until they stopped.

That was after two years of "doing Marriage Builders," too.

How long (while separated) did it take you to get control of everything, and for y'all to be together again? Just curious, I understand every scenario is different.

You should plan on a minimum of one year.
Longer if he struggles learning....

That is if he gets into an anger Management group etc. you can still see him/ talk to him if he behaves himself.


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
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Originally Posted by Elaina7
Originally Posted by JBKT16
He finally answered, so I know he is ok. But he is extremely upset. I can't help but feel bad that he is hurting so much. I love him and don't want him to hurt, but I know his behavior is unacceptable.

He also thinks this forum is to blame for a lot of stuff. Which is not true....I knew what needed to be done years ago, but we were living far from family and I honestly had no where to turn.

I am sorry for all of this.
Stop talking to him please!
He should be worried about YOU!!!

(Calling him over & over is rewarding his angry outburst)

Go call your parents- tell them what happened-have a sudden illness to leave school and go pack your stuff- get your kids & go to your parents house.

Thoughts- never tell an angry man your calling the cops- just do it.
If your phone is taken- go to a neighbors house & borrow theirs even if you don't have kids with you- just get the cops there.

Always call the cops when stuff starts like this- again- even if you have to temp leave kids- go to neighbors or get in car to make it too a phone.

Don't ever just stay- you were in real danger!

So go get yourself safe- he is in a tailspin & it is only going to get worse..... Leave now because you care so much for him- it will give him a chance for help.

I did not want to enable him and I understand he put us in this position, but I do care about his safety and well being. All I wanted to know was that he was safe.

I knew the right thing to do was to leave, but with little kids it seems to be so complicated. What kind of mom would I be if I left the kids behind. He was already scaring them (he would never hurt them) but the things he was saying to my son were frightening him. In fact my son was afraid to walk up to me last night because he said "no, daddy said you want to take me away". Now I am the bad guy to my son when all I want is a happy healthy family for them.

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Originally Posted by JBKT16
Originally Posted by Elaina7
Originally Posted by JBKT16
He finally answered, so I know he is ok. But he is extremely upset. I can't help but feel bad that he is hurting so much. I love him and don't want him to hurt, but I know his behavior is unacceptable.

He also thinks this forum is to blame for a lot of stuff. Which is not true....I knew what needed to be done years ago, but we were living far from family and I honestly had no where to turn.

I am sorry for all of this.
Stop talking to him please!
He should be worried about YOU!!!

(Calling him over & over is rewarding his angry outburst)

Go call your parents- tell them what happened-have a sudden illness to leave school and go pack your stuff- get your kids & go to your parents house.

Thoughts- never tell an angry man your calling the cops- just do it.
If your phone is taken- go to a neighbors house & borrow theirs even if you don't have kids with you- just get the cops there.

Always call the cops when stuff starts like this- again- even if you have to temp leave kids- go to neighbors or get in car to make it too a phone.

Don't ever just stay- you were in real danger!

So go get yourself safe- he is in a tailspin & it is only going to get worse..... Leave now because you care so much for him- it will give him a chance for help.

I did not want to enable him and I understand he put us in this position, but I do care about his safety and well being. All I wanted to know was that he was safe.

I knew the right thing to do was to leave, but with little kids it seems to be so complicated. What kind of mom would I be if I left the kids behind. He was already scaring them (he would never hurt them) but the things he was saying to my son were frightening him. In fact my son was afraid to walk up to me last night because he said "no, daddy said you want to take me away". Now I am the bad guy to my son when all I want is a happy healthy family for them.

You need to contact the police and file a police report. If he ever tries to stop you from leaving again, call 911.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by JBKT16
I did not want to enable him and I understand he put us in this position, but I do care about his safety and well being.

Okay, nobody is suggesting that you quit caring about his safety and well being, so you probably need to quit interjecting that and using it as a reason not to follow the procedure that will make this problem better.

Regardless of how you feel about his safety and well being, you need to let him decide whether or not he is going to be safe and well. You can do that regardless of your feelings and whether you care or not.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You need to call the police. You need to stop telling him what you plan to do.

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Originally Posted by JBKT16
I am very concerned for his well being at this point. He continued to ask me what I was going to do and I said we can not be in the same house until things were straightened out.... Now he left school in tears really upset and won't answer my calls. I don't know what to do? I am very worried about him. I know he brought this on himself but I care about him and don't want him to do anything stupid.

What you do is separate from him. If he is serious, then he will take steps to correct his behavior. Give him that opportunity.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by JBKT16
[
I did not want to enable him and I understand he put us in this position, but I do care about his safety and well being. All I wanted to know was that he was safe.

His "safety" is not the issue here. YOURS IS. You are not safe with your husband. He is a big boy who can take care of himself.

Quote
I knew the right thing to do was to leave, but with little kids it seems to be so complicated. What kind of mom would I be if I left the kids behind. He was already scaring them (he would never hurt them) but the things he was saying to my son were frightening him. In fact my son was afraid to walk up to me last night because he said "no, daddy said you want to take me away". Now I am the bad guy to my son when all I want is a happy healthy family for them.

Do the right things for yourself and your kids. Take your kids to your parents with you. Your husband is angry and unstable. That is not a safe environment for your kids.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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JBK, the problem is that you allow yourself to be lured back by shows of good behavior instead of real, radical reform. You will continue to be a yo-yo if you do this. It is very typical that an abusive spouse will play nice long enough to get you off his back. That is all that happened here. You have to stop playing that game.

Move out with the kids and plan on staying away for at least a year to give him a chance to make REAL CHANGES. By that, I mean completing an anger management class and demonstrating true change over the course of a year.

You are "hurting" him by continually enabling him. As long as you do that, he won't have a reason to make the necessary changes that will allow him to keep his family. He is wrecking his marriage. Don't help him do that with your inappropriate sympathy that only serves to enable him.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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JBK, the problem is that you allow yourself to be lured back by shows of good behavior instead of real, radical reform. You will continue to be a yo-yo if you do this. It is very typical that an abusive spouse will play nice long enough to get you off his back. That is all that happened here. You have to stop playing that game.
EXACTLY!


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Also, if he threatens self-harm, you should call the cops.

they will check on him.

Last edited by apples123; 09/29/15 10:48 AM.
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Thank you everyone. I was not saying that I am not following through. I am following through this time, but I was concerned for his safety.

You're right myself and the kids safety are my first priority. I do want us to get our family back together and on the same page, but he is going to have to prove that he can do it first.

I emailed Dr Harley and he said the same as all of you are saying, that I should separate until he can prove to be past all of this.

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