Did you ever bother to put a keylogger on her computer like we advised? Ever snoop on her?

I seriously doubt she is having an "emotional affair." Women typically leave for well entrenched physical affairs. The message she accidentally sent you indicated it was very physical. I wouldn't bother to spy on her since she has moved out. The cow has already left the barn. You had a chance to save this and didn't take that chance. Obviously all she has to do is tell people her marriage failed, she moved out and has met someone new.

You are minimizing, and you are in denial.

You have been given the plans and blueprint on what to do, yet you still ask what you should do.

It is time to ACT and expose to bust up the affair or go plan D.

Either way, you need to act!!!!

You have enabled your wife's waywardism for SO LONG that I fear even if you were to break up this affair, you would never get your W on board with giving up her IB and SSL.

She is basically an entitled serial cheater which is very tough to recover with and I would say near impossible when combined with an enabler.

rocker, I am sorry to pile on you when you are most likely feeling very down about your situation but I hope that you will remember this later down the road when the dust settles from what is happening right now.

I pointed out to you back in 2013 that I notice when posters are in basically a non-recovery or affair speculation situation and refuse to post in SAA but rather choose MB101, this is a HUGE red flag that there is a big denial/conflict avoidance issue on the part of the BS.

That you continued on living with a wayward ignoring ALL of the advice we gave you for YEARS is very alarming. If you were ignorant that she was likely in an affair and that you should be snooping because you were being gaslit, I could understand but anybody who reviews this thread can clearly see that was not the case.

There was another poster who was like you (didn't want to follow any of our affair busting/snooping advice) who ended up getting a D from their WW to only get themselves in to a very similar mess with another woman (wayward) later down the line and still refused to face the red flags in that relationship....only wanting to adopt the cozy EN-meeting parts of MB, rejecting the uncomfortable parts of the program.

Please don't let that be you.

I want to point out that when a woman is in withdrawl she may sometimes be willing to abandoned the family to pursue her affair.
If you decide to divorce, the ideal time is while her head is in the fog.

Yes, again, I was wrong not to heed the advice back then. Can we move on from the fact that I was wrong in 2013 now that I've admitted it several times?

I realize the situation is very dire and looks all but hopeless, but I've heard enough testimonies in church and in my men's group to know that no one is beyond God's reach. That is the only sliver of hope I cling to.

Although many of you have said "it's too late", I'm still willing to at LEAST discover if there's an active affair going on right now and do whatever I can to stop it, and trust God to work in her life...even if it means divorcing her.

I've placed a GPS device in the vehicle. And I've spoken with a PI. I'm still not entirely sure of when to have the PI track her though? Should I receive some GPS data first and then direct them to the appropriate location? I'm trying to avoid a gigantic bill from a PI (money is tight right now) since she has no set schedule for work (works at her apartment...doesn't leave often, etc.)

Can you put spyware on her phone? Have you looked at the phone bill and verified the numbers?

You need to brainstorm with the PI to find out when the best time would be. I would also have him watch her place at night to see who is coming over.


But, God will not force himself on anyone against their will. The reason we are saying it is too late is because the odds go way, way down the longer this is allowed to go on. Being wayward is now her normal state of mind. It is a major long shot. Even if you can't save your marriage, you still need to know what she is doing, so spying on her won't be a waste of time.

I can't put spyware on her phone. It's locked and with her at all times. I check the cell phone bill daily....nothing out of the ordinary.

Agreed. God still allows us free will and the right to choose sin over Him. I'll do what I can for spying.

Good man!

Update:

Sorry for the lack of posting. I was out of state all last week. Fortunately, I was able to install a GPS tracker the day before I left. WW also happened to total our other vehicle the night before I left by hitting a deer.....at THREE O CLOCK in the morning!!!

While I was away, the GPS pinged a location that I didn't recognize once during the week. I didn't think too much of it because I needed to see pattern. However, she stopped at a restaurant before for about 15 minutes. That was a week ago today.

So, today is my first day back in the office and I'm carpooling since we only have one functioning vehicle now. WW says she needs to meet a client in town (where I work), so she'll have the vehicle. The meeting is at 1:30. Meanwhile, GPS dings that she's stopping at a restaurant at about 11:45 and leaves shortly thereafter to the same location. I snag a company vehicle and stakeout the place. I watch her emerge from the apt. complex at 1:15 with another man....and I know this guy (big surprise). So, obviously I'm thinking affair at this point. I track down where this guy works and take a few photos of his vehicle and leave.

I then visited with a PI to see what to do next. He directed me as to what info he needs for his covert ops. What else should I be doing at this point? I don't know if I have enough info "to convince a jury" for a full exposure. Any help is appreciated.

Wait for the PIs pictures, then expose. Meanwhile, carefully read Exposure 101, the For the Newly Betrayed (under Notable Posts), copy his and Her Facebook contacts. Read Surviving An affair.

Most important, don't let her know yet.

Who is the person? A co-worker?

He's not a co-worker (WW owns her own business). He does do some coaching at our kids' school.

I will read those resources.

Is he married?

Single. I know his mom personally, though.

You have proof enough. Just have copies of the photos first. Then expose. Do not reveal how you found out.

Photos from the PI? I didn't take any photos while I was out there. I only know what I saw with my own eyes.

Does your phone not have a camera. Next time be ready.

Question for the group:

I've visited with my lawyer (family law) to cover my bases about what I can do as far as snooping goes. While GPS is allowed, she strongly advised against exposure to WW's family and friends through a mass FB message/email. This could potentially earn me a restraining order! She advised *maybe* a phone call to in-laws that I was close with.

I was advised that every action I do could be brought before a judge in case of divorce. I stated, "But what about her having an affair?!" Lawyer says that, sadly, having an affair really doesn't even matter that much anymore in this state (no-fault).

I had also asked about if I was successful in proving infidelity (or raising reasonable doubt), if that would be enough to swing custody of kids my direction. "It matters very little." was the answer.

How in the world should I proceed at this point??? I"m still gathering intel, btw.