The Plan B Letter template from SAA are in this thread.

Point taken. Will keep it as is.

I saw WH truck at a restaurant on my way home from work last night and it brought out the tears. Just was not expecting to see it. So, decided will go a different way home that avoids the main road and is more residential.

Then today, WH come by the house while I was outside - and I did not hear him pull up so could not hide. Said he needed to pick up something or another, the asked how I was. I panicked, said fine and then realized what I had done, so I left. He was gone when I got back but he had done the dishes and took out the trash. That was the last contact, about 6 hrs ago. Boy, was that hard-lots of tears. I see why the IM is so needed.

So, I wrote my PBL and most of addendum. Told him when he ends the A for once and all, takes EP, and agrees to a recovery program, we can talk about it.

I still have no IM. The two friends I thought would do it, both have upcoming travel plans that make them unavailable for long periods of time. So, need that worked out. Is there a company that offers this service?

I am starting to pack his things and will take them to the shop. Will be good when that is done.

Not sure what to do after that.

Hi noone, sorry you had to run into him. I know that had to have been so hard. Do you think you have a sister or brother who could be an IM? Also, an IM only has to have access to email in order to be an IM. He/she would act as a spam filter and pass on pertinent information only in their own words. They wouldn't even have to be local. Any ideas?

I asked our neighbor to be my IM and she agreed. It will have to be text messages to her as WH does not email (I have had key logger since not long after first posting here and nothing. I do all computer related work for the biz.)

I finished packing his things and will take them out to the shop tomorrow. PBL and addendum are finished and will go to IM when I move his stuff.

Ok,I think I am ready.

Good girl!! Does the IM have a way to get it to him?

And I would change the locks on your house. I promise you he will come in if you don't. He won't like losing control.

IM does have way to get PBL TO WH. She will try to get that done tomorrow.

I got new deadbolts before WH comeback from hunting thinkin I was kicking out out that night. So, I will change those out tomorrow. Installing locks is one of the handy skills I learned from him.

I think I have the opposite fear,that he will not try to come round or get mad. He will think I did him a favor by making it easier on him. Guess we will find out.

Thank you again ML and everyone else posting on this board. You all have saved my sanity and helped me so much. No matter what happens, I feel like I can look myself in the mirror for the way I have handled things after learning about A and that is thanks to all of you.

Dr Harley's plans WORK, one way or another. They either kill the affair and recover marriages, or they lead you to your own personal peace and a life you can be proud of.

But you are responsible for taking the actions necessary. Many people come here and refuse to follow the same advice or take any action to help themselves. YOU did what you had to do. Be proud of yourself for that

You are very welcome! And bravo to you for stepping up and taking action. Your marriage might not make it, but the steps you have taken give it the best chance. You will come out of this in good shape regardless of what happens. You are a real trooper!

You can expect your husband to initially refuse to use your IM, so just be prepared to back her up if he contacts you directly. I would have a plan in place to block any direct contact. Block his phone # and email address. If he tries to get through, have your IM contact him and say "noone did not read the message you sent. Please send any messages to me."

Additionally, please ask her to only send you messages that are pertinent, i.e.: financial issues, legal issues, etc. in her words. If he sends a longwinded lecture about you are being immature not talking to him [Plan B drives WS's crazy] then she should not send that to you. She should send him an email or text saying "I will not be sending this along to noone because this is not in accordance with her letter."

She can expect to get a long letter about how it is a bad idea for you to not see or speak to him because how can you solve the marriage problems if you are not in touch, blah, blah, blah, blah. She just needs to remind him that the marriage problems won't be solved unless he meets the conditions in your letter. He will try to gain access without meeting your conditions beuasce he wants to maintain the status quo of keeping both you and the OW.

I gave IM printed instructions found on this forum someplace, can't remember where I found that post, it was something like IM school. I think she will do well. I know first hand how hard contact is so I will certainly tell her if WH tries to contact me. I want to give my marriage a chance and this is the only way to do that.

IM delivered PBL when WH went to the shop today. Guess he saw his stuff before IM got there, so he knew what was happening without reading the letter.

Locks are changed, and his number blocked. Guess that is all for now.

Sure is hard.

I can't wait for the tears to happen less often.

You are doing just great!! Hang in there. I promise it will get better. Please try and keep it as dark as possible, because the longer you go without seeing him, the faster you will feel better. Soon enough you will feel better than you have in months.

Please give your IM my email address. If she needs any help, i would be glad to help her. Sometimes the initial contacts are very scary [the WS tries to intimidate the IM] but once she navigates through that, she will be fine. Being an IM is the easiest job in the world if you do it right. Let me know when you have seen it and I will remove it.

Got it- thank you!

Good job. Plan B will be tough, but when you need support or feel like you're going to contact your WH come here to the board.

Also it's very important to put your self-care as a priority. Make some plans with family or friends this week to help.

You're doing fantastic.

I think E might be hitting it's mark. Not sure why this took so long, but had 2 FB messages from OW FB friends tonight. One supportive and one said it's no one biz.

I checked OW FB page and I can no longer see her friends. Frankly this is the frist time I tried to look since E, so not sure when that happened.

Anyway, a few minutes ago WH had his freind text me to say "please understand this was all my (WH) doing no one else." I did not respond.

Guess POSOW did not like me telling her FB friends. Wh friend's number has now been blocked.

I hope one of those I told via FB was her mom. (By the way, the letter I mailed to OW mom got returned, no longer at this address).

I emailed IM to tell her about it. She reminded WH that all contact must go thru her.

That is awesome! Sounds like the crap is hitting affair land. Good for you for blocking WH.

Your screen name is "noone". The stupid "this is noone's biz" fb response to E is pretty ironic! Good on you for taking care of your "Biz" - your marriage.
And yes, of COURSE you deserve the dog!

You are doing great. If everyone followed Dr Harley's plan so well, many more marriages would be saved. I agree that it sounds like you have wreaked havoc in affairland. Even if the letter was returned to you, I am guessing that someone that was notified through FB was a relative, and once one knows the word will spread. It isn't just the people you exposed to, it is all the people they then also expose to. If one sister got it, for instance, she would immediately call other sisters or sister-in-laws or mom to discuss it. The one time the gossip mill can work in your favor

Yes, affairs are NO ONE's business. What a bunch of crap. I know when my H had an A, one of my close friends at the time told me to 'not take it personal.' Um, what? Ya, I'd say another woman sleeping with my man is PERSONAL, and it is my business too! Just don't respond to idiots like that.

Way to go!!

Thanks for all the encouragement!

I came home to find my WH had dropped off payroll to IM and IM left it for me on my kitchen table. It was in WH writing. I thought she was going to rewrite it for me. Will remind her. But, that is not the hardest part.

As I was sitting down to run payroll, WH walks up. IM was not home and he again parked at the end of driveway and walked up so I did not hear his truck. Grrrr. It is so hard to see him. I can't stop myself from crying.

I am sorry to say I broke the rule and spoke to him. I told him I would buy a new computer this weekend and give him the laptop with the company books. He said ok, asked if I understood his writing for payroll and left. I dropped the finished payroll and a few invoices at IM to deliver to WH.

Once I give him the laptop, it should pretty much eliminate any contact we will need. He can find someone to do his company books now. He does not want me, then he also loses his bookkeeper.

Then I tried to log on to FB and was asked to submit on ID. They said that I might be using a fake name. Really? That must be POSOW doing. Before E, I last logged on in 2009. I really just wanted to see if there were any more responses from E. Guess I got under her skin and WH could not stop it.

This is so hard. I have to stop him from stopping by, I sob like a baby and that is not attractive.