How did he get in the house?

It was our first sunny afternoon in quite sometime. When I got home from work, I sat at the table by our back french doors and had one of the doors open and was enjoying the sun hitting me while I was doing payroll.

Sicne he had followed the rules on this and given payroll information to IM, I did not think he would show up. Per IM he has been nice and took her reminders of no contact well. He promised he would follow the rules.

Guess that is an end to that-no more open doors -will be too cold soon anyway.

Today is a hard day- it is his birthday. I am fighting the urge to wish him happy birthday. So, I am posting here instead. It is the first birthday in 19 years that I will not speak to him. I am just trying to hold it together

Going over to a girlfriends for dinner to help keep me busy. Hope that helps.

Good job coming here instead. Don't break your PB, it will only make YOU miserable. Remember, Plan B is to protect you. Don't worry about what day it is for him, put him out of your mind and fill it with good things like dinner with your girlfriends

Well, I survivid and did not contact him. Today is better.

I sent his longest and best friend, who also is the pastor that married us, the same email as I did WH parents and at the same time. Yesterday, he wrote back to WH.

Wow, want a powerful letter. He is an amazing guy and has had his own marital struggles so knows the path we are on . He recovered his marraige and tells WH he can too if he ends the A. He asked WH to go back to church, read bible 3 x per week for 20 minutes and ask God to change WH heart toward me everyday. He asked him to do this for 60 days and see how he feels at the end of that.

It was fantastic from my point of view. I could not read it without crying, I suspect the same will be true for WH.

Seems my E has taken some time, but feels likeep the wave is hitting WH and POSOW.

Thanks for all the support!

Hang in there Noone, you are doing great. If you are dwelling on the situation too much, get in touch with some friends and see if they can help keep you busy. If you don't have too many close acquaintances, maybe take up some activities that your are interested in but never had the time for. Get the good stuff to crowd out the bad bad stuff.

On your plan B though, I have a couple thoughts about being strategic:


Why doesn't he go get another laptop and get it all set up? If he wants to use the marital laptop, he can drop his skank, become completely transparent and fall in love with his wife again. Seems to me that is the right way to go.

If you give him that laptop, then please, please, please make a copy of the entire hard drive. In the unfortunate event you head towards divorce, that bookkeeping history will be invaluable. In the event you go towards recovery, you have history on spending and can ensure that company funds are not being used to support an affair. You need the visibility into your WH's resources either way.

Last, I understand that relinquishing the role of book keeper greatly reduces how much interaction you need to have, but since you own that role now, you should find a replacement that is loyal to you and that will report the company's progress to you without reference to your WH. Sort of like a company IM. If your WH locates this person, they will become his ally to further his goals which may include devaluing the company, or hiding his activities from his "jealous possessive" wife. While he is in the affair, I would consider all his actions and motivations as suspect.

Thanks WalktheWalk,
I have only been thinking of ways to eliminate things that remind me of WH, not protecting my interests in case of D.

I will not give up the laptop- at least not yet. I can do most of the bookkeeping without anything from him. Payroll will really be the only issue and I now have that worked out better with IM.

Understood, but that visibility into the finances of the company also helps you snoop in the event you get to recovery. I hope you do.

Keep up to good work! I love to see when BSs execute well.

Just wanted to check in. I feel 100% better since NC started.

I have finished getting all household bills changed over to my new personal account. Our joint account is empty. I am sure WH was surprised when his atm card was declined.

I will continue doing the company books. If nothing else to keep an eye on things.

He has followed the NC rule and used IM. Assuming MelodyLane has not heard from my IM with any issues. She said it has been very easy.

Had one more angry response from POSOW FB friend. I just smiled knowing I hit the mark.

The only issue has been random run in with WH. We live in a very small town- less than 500 people small. We have one grocery store nearby (less than 2 hrs away). So, I have run into WH twice there, once at a restaurant and on the road a few times. I am not sure how to act. I have been ignoring him,even when he says hello.

Hoping to hear something on the job front so I can get out of here and stop those run ins.

I am trying to concentrate on me- eating well, exercising, getting good sleep and the like. Got lots of great support and doing my best to keep busy. Even rearranged the furniture.

Thanks again guys for all the help, advice and support. I know I would not feel this good if I had not listened to all of you. Heck, it has been 2 days since I cried!

You are doing awesome, noone!! And you sound 100% better. Glad to hear you are trying to get out of there. I have heard nothing from your IM so she must be coping well. Thanks for the update.

You sound so much better. Stay the course, my friend.

I got some good news today- I have a job interview next week. It would require a move far from here and would be a good promotion that gives an excellent opportunity for more advancement. The thought of this job has been something to hold on to during all of this.

So, why am I sad, scared and crying? I miss him tonight.I think this is the frist time I have really felt like I miss him. Not mad or anything else.

I guess it is because WH would be the first person I would have told. Now, I don't feel like telling anyone.

I am sure it will pass, but dang it sucks.

Sorry you are feeling down, noone! And congrats on your job interview! I hope everything goes well for you.

Hang in there. If you haven't read Indigirl's thread do so. It will give a good idea about the ups and downs to expect. Are you taking care of yourself? Having a fun girl's night soon? Could you take a friend with you to the job interview day and make a fun trip of it?

How are you doing?

Not great but trying my best. Went through all our closets to get ready for a yard sale. Found lot's of old pics and all the love letters I have saved. Did not read ant but still massive tears.

Sale is today and tomorrow. It is hard to see your life on sale. Lots of his stuff too. So, he has been around. Hard to see him. He told a friend I should get a boyfriend as I would feel better. Jerk, how could I even consider that. Wish she would not have told me. She passed on lots of affair fog babble, "I still love her (me)", "this is as hard on me as it is her", "greatful for my new love" , "wish I had talked to her (me) 2 years ago, maybe we could have saved the marriage", blah, blah, blah. I asked her not to tell me what WH says anymore.

Have a phone interview next week for a great job. Mixed feelings, but would be the right thing to do so am trying to focus on that.

Been reading the Bible a lot and attending church every week. That helps but also makes me cry when I see my failings, but is still a positive in my life.

Remembering Churchill - "when going through hell, keep going". He did not say you couldn't cry while you were going.

This is the perfect outlook, noone. I promise you this will get better if you keep walking yourself out of this. Good luck on your interview!!

I predict you will feel an amazing difference if you move out of that house and get into a more positive environment.

What fun things are you doing to keep your spirits up?

noone, I just read this with alarm and am unsure of what this pastor is advising. It would LESSEN your chance of reconciliation if you stayed in contact with your husband. The pastor, while he means well, has no earthly idea how to deal with infidelity. Dr Harley DOES. Staying in contact with your H makes you less attractive and only serves to wear you down emotionally and physically.

Please do not follow his advice because it won't get your husabnd back and will just make it so much worse for you.

He could use some of Dr.Harley's materials. As a pastor, he is privy to infidelity frequently and has no idea how to treat it.