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#2868112 10/21/15 07:19 AM
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Good Morning.
So I posted a few years ago about my husband and since then we are no longer together. We could not survive the affair, but there were a lot of underlying other reasons why we are apart as well.

Annnd I'm here again. So I have another wonderful story about a man I met a few years ago and truth be told I am not the greatest at expressing my feelings in writing, or in any way I suppose. I will just do my best to post here and answer any questions that pop up after.

I am a bit of an untraditional person and I do have trouble ending things. I'll just put that out there first and foremost.

So, me and my boyfriend have been together now for almost 4 years. He's been cheating on me I believe for the entire time. In the first year I had to tell him to get off of an adult sex site. Then I caught him again messaging with people Always sketchy with his phone, hiding it, etc.

He's on disability so he stays home during the day. There are 2 of my children involved. I work and he takes care with the children. About a year ago I searched through his phone and found out that he was sexting and sending pictures to other people: MEN included!!
That was bad enough. So I put a tracking device on his phone and found out recently that he was soliciting men for sex (I think men because I could only see "you can do me in the a$$ if you want" was what someone replied to him.

Every time I catch him he swears that he was never with anyone else physically and it never got that far.

Please feel free to ask me questions and I will fill in the blanks. There are a lot of blanks because there's been a lot that has happened.

So why would he continue to do this behavior if he wasn't getting anything out of it??? That's what I ask him. Btw about a year ago I noticed he had bumps on his penis. Warts?? He told me it was from his last GF, but that was 4 years ago??? I can't believe that it takes that long for them to come out??? I haven't noticed anything on me though.

I know I sound crazy, I'm just looking to talk about this and make sense of it. It's bad, I know, and I also know it's on me for allowing it to happen over and over.

One [censored] relationship to the next one. I feel stuck. I have 2 children and I need to work. I can't afford daycare and I'm separated from my husband so I can't leave the state and go to my fathers: he lives in PA. My mom lives in VA.

Also worth noting, he admits he has a problem and is seeing a counselor. After every time I catch him he talks about amping up his counseling and getting more aggressive about it, but cmon how many times have you stepped out on me??

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I long for a relationship where it's just me and the other person and that's it. I've never been unfaithful to this man. Not once.
And sex? I feel like he's never satisfied. We do it at least once a day every day, sometimes twice or more a day. It's been that frequent for the entire time we've been together. Missed a day maybe 1 or 2 times.

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As I said, I'm looking to talk about this. I know I should leave and be done with it. It's not a 'but I love him' thing, I really just feel stuck. I need to pay my bills so I need to work, can't leave the state due to the situation with my ex (we have our children together).

Part of it is I know I put too much stock in this relationship, or any significant other. It's me. I wish I was the kind of person who had a life outside of my relationship...friends, all of that. I'm just kind of a loner, at least now I am.

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Originally Posted by lostandscorned
Part of it is I know I put too much stock in this relationship, or any significant other. It's me. I wish I was the kind of person who had a life outside of my relationship...friends, all of that. I'm just kind of a loner, at least now I am.
It's not you, it is what you are doing. Anybody involved in this pattern of behavior would end up where you are.

This is the problem with too much intimacy too early in a relationship. You find yourself in a fog before you learn enough about the terrain. The result is that you get lost and end up unable to cope with the simple facts that are obvious to others.

There is no future in the relationship you are in. He is not marriage material. Move on or accept the fact that your future will be miserable.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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You are right on about the too much intimacy too early. And the fog, yes I can see that as well. I feel like by the time I got to see how he really was, I was already too deep in. My children were involved and everything. Plus I had just gotten out of a 15 year marriage that did not end well (failed business and everything).

It's been a tough few years for me.

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So the realistic side of me knows what I'm in for. I have dreams of trying to convince him not to cheat on me.

What do I do now? Given my circumstances (to which I blame myself and hate myself for: my children are heavily involved, family in other states, bills, need to work)

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And then having to tell my family about this. Another bad choice in men, I involved my young sons (5 and 7 years old) who are attached to this person. I haven't told anyone about it.

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I would encourage you to make yourself some new rules to live by that would prevent this sort of situation from happening again. One rule Dr. Harley encourages for single mothers is to not bring men home when there are young children in the home.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2868134 10/21/15 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by markos
I would encourage you to make yourself some new rules to live by that would prevent this sort of situation from happening again. One rule Dr. Harley encourages for single mothers is to not bring men home when there are young children in the home.

Yep. I know it was a mistake and I blame myself and only myself for doing that. And I agree with you 100 percent.

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Originally Posted by lostandscorned
And then having to tell my family about this. Another bad choice in men, I involved my young sons (5 and 7 years old) who are attached to this person. I haven't told anyone about it.

Telling your family might help you to keep from making this mistake in the future. Dr. Harley often comments that if we all had cameras on us 24/7, we'd be a lot more careful in the choices we make.

You might consider asking your family to help hold you accountable.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2868136 10/21/15 09:30 AM
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I see where you are coming from. My family is not exceptionally supportive. I mean, they have always been there for more material needs but emotionally...no. I rarely speak to my mom and my dad and I are close but distant. I've always just done what I've wanted, hence the [censored] ups lol.

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I've always kind of felt that this was some sort of major life lesson for me. Learning to be by myself...and that that was ok.

As I said before, I really feel kind of stuck. Have to work to pay my bills, children, family not close. I feel stuck with this person at this point because we have continued to build a life together.

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I'm getting the impression you really just want to talk rather than changing anything.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2868140 10/21/15 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted by markos
I'm getting the impression you really just want to talk rather than changing anything.

I know it seems that way and yes I do want to talk as well. I just feel very stuck in this.

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I also feel like he hasn't been completely honest with me, although I see the writing on the wall. He has never admitted to doing anything physical with anyone else. I know it shouldn't matter, but I've caught him in so many lies. I also feel like him not being completely honest with me has kept me in limbo too.

Someone just rip me apart.

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Quote
I work and he takes care with the children.
He is a child molester. You can bet on it.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2868145 10/21/15 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
I work and he takes care with the children.
He is a child molester. You can bet on it.

What makes you think that?

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The number one molester of children is the mother's boyfriend. He has already proven he is a sexual deviant, and he's willing to lie to you about it. Men like this PURPOSELY seek out single mothers of young children.

And you leave your children alone with him for extended periods of time.

If you do not want him to continue doing to your children what he does with the perverts he finds online, then you need to get him out of your life TODAY.

And you need to read up on child molestation.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2868148 10/21/15 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Prisca
The number one molester of children is the mother's boyfriend. He has already proven he is a sexual deviant, and he's willing to lie to you about it. Men like this PURPOSELY seek out single mothers of young children.

And you leave your children alone with him for extended periods of time.

If you do not want him to continue doing to your children what he does with the perverts he finds online, then you need to get him out of your life TODAY.

And you need to read up on child molestation.

Yes he is definitely a sexual deviant. He's hitting up men on craigslist, gloryhole stuff, all of that. I caught him participating in an email chain having to do with gang bangs and orgies, like trying to participate.

I am going to read up on it.

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Get him out of your life today. Protect your children.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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