Are you wearing a VAR when you're around her?

Most of the time, I have a VOR on somewhere. I'm also thinking of installing security camera's. I am concerned that she is going to be extremely angry that I put camera's up;

I can:
a) put them up and say I don't care what you think.
b) try to find some sort of hidden cameras to put up.
c) Threaten her that if she does not stop this non-sense, I will put camera's up
or
d) Forget about the camera's and just rely on VOR's

I would put in hidden cameras. If she knows there are cameras there, she will just avoid them or disable them.

It sounds to me like she is building a case against you to get you kicked out of the house. I would imagine some attorney advised her to come home because she was hurting herself legally by moving out. If she can set the stage for your "abuse" she can get you kicked out.

One thing that puzzled me from your call is that you called her affair an "emotional affair." I can't remember your backstory, but didn't she move out to be with the OM?

Firstly, the behavior is really odd.. and quite honestly, sickening. I am really kind and gentle to my children. She encourages them to hit me and bite me.... then tells them I abuse them. I really need to tell someone what is going on but who????

It wasn't clear on the show with regard to her moving out. She moved 2000 miles away and rented an apartment less than a mile away from the other man and two hours away from her mom. Her Mom cosigned the lease. I'm sure that her attorney told her that this looks really bad for her. She claims that she just handed to the key to her Mom and moved back and her mom has taken over the apartment.

She did not actually move in with the other man. The kids tell me that they did not really see the other man when they were there... maybe only a couple of times. When we called her on the phone, most of the time she was alone or going to another friends house. You could not call her though... she would shut off the phone and only turn it on when she wanted to call... so it was clear that she was seeing the other man in secret. The Affair was exposed and she denied it to everyone and still does to this day... so she could not have a relationship with him out in the open... .She has only been able to act as "friends" with him. and she claims to only have talked to him every couple weeks. She claims that she only saw him when she was somewhere and he happened to be there.

I'm really looking for what I can do about this really bizarre situation at home. She flied off on these rages yelling and screaming... it is quite scary and I am always kind and gentle with the kids. I don't yell, I don't spank.. nothing. She accuses me of hurting them and abusing them... and it feels like this is more sick and twisted than a "legal strategy"... I think that she is mentally ill and projecting her rages onto me. Last weekend, I got really scared for my kids. I want to protect them, but I'm worried that she will hit me or try to start a fight with me.. then blame me for it.

As far as getting me kicked out... yes, she needs to get me to abuse her. She has no way to afford to pay the bills for the house so she really can't stay there. Texas doesn't allow for spousal support so there is really nothing she can legally do to stay in the house and have me support her.

She is sick sick sick sick... and I don't know what to do about it... the children are being abused emotionally for sure!! My younger son came to the dinner table after he had previously said that he did not want to eat. He said that he came back because he "loves dada"... you should have seen the look on my wife's face. I thought she was going to beat him senseless... she yelled and screamed at him and threatened to spank him.. but she stopped short... he got teary and said "I love you mama" and she calmed down. She is soooo sick... and I feel like no one will believe me because I am the man.

Surely you understand this is not an "emotional affair?" I know you are not that delusional.


This is why I suggested you get legal help and protect yourself and your children before she does it to you.


So what is your plan to protect your children?

Carry that VAR all the time, use it for these bizarre situations where she goes off the deep end.

It sure sounds like a legal strategy to me, set you up as an abuser, problem solved.

Talk to your attorney, you need to protect your kids and yourself.

1) Voice activated recorder on you at all times she is in town.
2) Install covert surveillance cameras (talk to your attorney to see if this is would be admitted in court)

3) Prepare to file and request a protective order once you have the evidence she is attempting to frame you for abuse.

Dr. Harley doesn't recommend attempting any MBing in an environment that is unsafe for either of the parties. This situation seems unsafe to me.

Get a lawyer and figure out how to extract yourself and the kids from this situation. It can be done. It HAS been done. Jedi knight got full custody of his kids and so have others. This sounds like it's getting very, very dangerous for all concerned. FIND A WAY OUT.

Here are some options that I am considering:

a) I have an appointment with a new attorney next week. I will ask for full custody of the children and maximum financial protection. What is his plan.. and can he do it?

b) I can cut my WW off financially immediately if she will not agree to a) STOP abusing the children b) begin the MB program

c) Rent a house and move out with the kids. I would put my house on the market and cut off electricity & water. I will tell my WW that she can see the kids 3.5 days per/week once she has her own place and can support herself.

d) I can sit her down for a serious discussion: Tell her that I love her, I want to be with her for the long term, but the current situation cannot continue. If she chooses to do nothing, I will need to take action that includes separating from her and ending financial support for her.

e) I can install surveillance equipment in the house and continue with plan A until I have enough documented footage to prove her abuse and/or our love relationship is restored.

My GUT instinct is that this is not a well hatched legal plan on my WW's part. I think her attorney told her that without abuse, she didn't have a very strong legal footing. Infact.. she is in big trouble if I divorce her now with no way to support herself. The fact that she is trying to muster up this abuse seems feeble and obvious.. it's just not well carried out and I think she really has no clue what she is doing. If I had video tape.. you would see a sick person that needs to be in a mental hospital.

Any thoughts on my ideas above.. which I should try first???

A. Good.

B. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.

C. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.

D. NO WAY. This will not help. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.

E. YES.

Stop trying to figure her out. Put your energy into figuring out how to extract yourself and the kids with minimal damage.

With a and e only, I am not giving her any chance... I would just be blindsiding her with legal action. I do think I should give her as many opportunities as possible... I feel like she is testing me, but I am not really telling the consequence... it's all or nothing. Plan A and she responded... or a legal blindside. I'd like for her to know the consequences and that I mean business before she burys herself... I am still a loving, caring husband... so this is hard.

You are in your own fog. This is a woman who absconded with your kids last summer. Pulled them out of school and took off! How many chances are you going to give her? You just go back and forth and back and forth. Meanwhile, she is launching an attack. You are going to get blindsided but go ahead, do it your way! Because no matter how much guidance you get here, you continue to do things your way when you don't like the advice you get.

You don't mean business. You haven't meant business. You are wishy washy and she has the upper hand No amount of talking and discussing and being patient and loving is going to change that. You need to take action and stand for the right thing, which is the wellbeing of those kids.

YES, better late than never.


Cut her off financially so she does not ruin you. Protect your children from her by getting them out of there. She is not going to do the program so this is just a wasted effort.


That is great. I am sure the kids would love to be abused every other day. Get your kids out of there and fight for FULL custody with only supervised visitation with their mother.



Whatever. She knows you don't mean it. More conflict avoidance that doesn't take your children into account. You need to stop talking and take action. PROTECT YOUR KIDS.


Lets play kick the can down the road................


Every day that you dawdle and do nothing is antoher opportunity that she has to accuse you of "abuse" and get you kicked out and thrown in jail. You are playing iwth fire here. And that is ok to twiddle your thumbs playing kick the can down the road if it is JUST YOU, but you have children who are being abused by a mentally ill woman.

Also, aren't you a yankee living in the south? I seem to remember a distinct yankee accent on the phone.

It's no accident that you started a new thread instead of sticking with the original one. Most of us who were here last spring and summer don't even know she came back or what happened there. Its like you want everyone here to know how horrific you situation is but then you don't really want anyone to know. Your wishy washy approach is a symptom of your own fog. You have no idea the danger you're in right now and don't want to know. You will think you can appeal to her reason. THERE'S NO REASON TO APPEAL TO.

I was born in upstate New York but have lived in the South for the last 13 years or so. I will never move back to the north. I have been told that I basically have no accent.

That's not really true. I didn't want folks to have to re-read 100 or so pages.

I struggle with the concept that I married a purely evil person.

I do easily understand that I married a mentally ill person.

At this point, she is hurting the children soo much... I clearly need to have her taken out.

My last attorney told me that my most likely custody would be 50/50. That is why I am going for a new attorney at this point.... but the sad reality is that I can't just ask for full custody and get it. Even though she did what she did, the Judge down here still let her have 50/50 custody for temporary orders. Then, on top of that... he let her back into the house. None of that was my choice.


Once the temporary orders expired, my attorney told me to sign a lease for her and give her 50/50 custody. I let her back into the house so a) I don't have to pay rent for someone having an affair and b) I see my kids every day.

It's easy to just say...go get full custody.. but it's not that easy. Likely, this would need a jury trial. I'm not sure either that I want my kids future in the hands of a jury... nor want to spend away their college fund just to end up with joint custody at the end anyway.

If there is a way for a dad to win full custody without physical abuse...let me know. I'd do it in a heartbeat.