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Look, you need to get evidence of her abuse towards the children, and NOW. NOOOOOWWWWWWW. What she is already doing IS abuse. It is. Ignoring that thats damaging enough to win you custody is BS, frankly. Then you need to get your children the heck out of there. Every single day that you continue to allow this is another day your children are being abused and realizing that not one single adult in their life is protecting them. As someone who has been in your children's position, the longer you wait, the more resentful and distrusting they will become. If she's as bad as you're saying she is on here, it will be fairly simple to get the proof you need by quick video recording on your phone and a VAR.
This--- "The other thing happening a lot is that each time the children fight or one of them gets hurt, mom says "what did dada do to you" " THAT RIGHT THERE IS ABUSE. Record that. Video tape that. It will come out in discovery.
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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Go look up Jedi knight. He got full custody. He fought like hell and he got it. There was another dad here when I got here in 2011. He had a posting name like dad's rights or something. There are resources out there! Keep looking.
Mental illness is not pure evil but untreated, it can be insurmountable to a healthy marriage and family.
I know this is hard. Be strong for the kids. You've been living with this trouble for so long, I don't think you see how serious it really is.
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[It's easy to just say...go get full custody.. but it's not that easy. Likely, this would need a jury trial. I'm not sure either that I want my kids future in the hands of a jury... nor want to spend away their college fund just to end up with joint custody at the end anyway. One sure way to make sure you don't get full custody is to surrender before you arrive at the field of battle. I don't think your kids will give a ratsass about their college fund if it means they have to live wtih an abusive, sick parent. Your wife wins if you surrender. Your children deserve much, much better. Jedi was so broke and dirt poor that he hardly had any food to eat. But he fought for his kids and got primary custody. Another thing you can explore is using adultery as grounds in your case. Even tho you are in a no fault state, they take it into consideration when determining custody and property splits.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can't believe you were on the show just a few days ago, and did not bring up this terribly worrying and dangerous situation with Dr H. What a wasted opportunity.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Don't they have a GAL where you are - an attorney for the kids? What state are you in?
I have heard of parents getting primary/sole custody for less serious issues/evidence than you are presenting on this thread.
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I can't believe you were on the show just a few days ago, and did not bring up this terribly worrying and dangerous situation with Dr H. What a wasted opportunity. Another BS who has a death grip on their marriage. This one is taken to a whole 'nother level cuz he is still talking about winning his WW back when she is abusing the kids. My goodness, typicalman. Wake up!! Wake!! Up!!!!
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Dr Harley told me there are mistakes that you make in life that you reflect upon and that you learn from, grow from....he said the mistake my WxH made (divorcing because of his affair/s and remarrying - focusing on new wife vs kids) is the kind of mistake "you will never recover from".
Typicalman, you are making the kind of mistakes that you and your children will not recover from if you do not wake up! Forget about winning back your WW for heaven's sakes!!
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I dated a man who had sole custody and then primary once the courts allowed the mom to have visitation again. His issues were not as bad as yours. His son had autism and I think he just didn't feel she would provide a stable enough environment - he had to fight for it though and he won.
I have never heard that if you fight for custody of your kids because of the types of issues you have laid out on this thread, you will "probably end up 50/50" anyway. You have evidence of abuse, neglect, not giving medicine, and that your WW is unstable.
What I have heard is that ONCE CUSTODY IS SET, then it is extremely hard to get it changed.
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Don't they have a GAL where you are - an attorney for the kids? What state are you in?
I have heard of parents getting primary/sole custody for less serious issues/evidence than you are presenting on this thread. Yes.. I have paid one 5 g's and she hasn't done squat.
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I have never heard that if you fight for custody of your kids because of the types of issues you have laid out on this thread, you will "probably end up 50/50" anyway. You have evidence of abuse, neglect, not giving medicine, and that your WW is unstable. When you posted less than a month ago about your wife having a possible personality disorder, you described the symptoms as Before the affair she still had the following symptoms:
#1 Rages (even raging on our wedding day that people have just now begun to tell me about)
#2 Very fragile emotional state
#3 Never apologizing, making excuses, blaming
#4 Putting me up on a pedestal early in the relationship, lots of sex, affection, extreme jealousy of any other relationship I would have... after getting married & having kids she began to knock me down
#5 stormy relationship.. getting close, pulling back
#6 difficulty negotiating, difficulty at work taking direction, blaming others
#7 Splitting.. people that are all "bad"; father, step father, & sometimes friends are "cast out" for a long period of time. You were determined that she had a PD, yet you NEVER spoke about the kind of behaviour you have raised on this thread lately. However, here you are today, writing about the very serious abuse of your kids by her, and yet you seem to think you can Plan A her out of a fog. You seem to think that the fog is your biggest problem. But, as SusieQ says, you need to WAKE UP. Your wife is abusing your kids and yet you want to wait for an affair fog to clear, so that you can stay married. If you wife is doing the things you say she is doing, you need to separate the kids from her, YESTERDAY. I don't know how anyone could watch their kids go through that and do nothing.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Don't they have a GAL where you are - an attorney for the kids? What state are you in?
I have heard of parents getting primary/sole custody for less serious issues/evidence than you are presenting on this thread. Yes.. I have paid one 5 g's and she hasn't done squat. I would get an attorney who specializes in men's issues. You are going to have to hire a fighter to protect your kids. It is better for your kids to be protected from their mother than it is for you to pay for their college. Kids can pay their own way to college.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes.. I have paid one 5 g's and she hasn't done squat. Why haven't you done something about that?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I dated a man who had sole custody and then primary once the courts allowed the mom to have visitation again. His issues were not as bad as yours. His son had autism and I think he just didn't feel she would provide a stable enough environment - he had to fight for it though and he won.
I have never heard that if you fight for custody of your kids because of the types of issues you have laid out on this thread, you will "probably end up 50/50" anyway. You have evidence of abuse, neglect, not giving medicine, and that your WW is unstable.
What I have heard is that ONCE CUSTODY IS SET, then it is extremely hard to get it changed. It's all he said she said though... she says I'm a horrible, Abusive father and I beat the kids.. she will say that the kids didn't need their medicine. She outright lied in court already by saying that the kids didn't have asthma to begin with while I have proof otherwise. I've seen her in court... she says all kinds of crazy things. The judge doesn't seem to buy it... but also, she has an excuse for everything I put out as well.
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It's no accident that you started a new thread instead of sticking with the original one. Most of us who were here last spring and summer don't even know she came back or what happened there. Its like you want everyone here to know how horrific you situation is but then you don't really want anyone to know. Your wishy washy approach is a symptom of your own fog. You have no idea the danger you're in right now and don't want to know. You will think you can appeal to her reason. THERE'S NO REASON TO APPEAL TO. That's not really true. I didn't want folks to have to re-read 100 or so pages. I struggle with the concept that I married a purely evil person. I do easily understand that I married a mentally ill person. At this point, she is hurting the children soo much... I clearly need to have her taken out. My last attorney told me that my most likely custody would be 50/50. That is why I am going for a new attorney at this point.... but the sad reality is that I can't just ask for full custody and get it. Even though she did what she did, the Judge down here still let her have 50/50 custody for temporary orders. Then, on top of that... he let her back into the house. None of that was my choice. Once the temporary orders expired, my attorney told me to sign a lease for her and give her 50/50 custody. I let her back into the house so a) I don't have to pay rent for someone having an affair and b) I see my kids every day. It's easy to just say...go get full custody.. but it's not that easy. Likely, this would need a jury trial. I'm not sure either that I want my kids future in the hands of a jury... nor want to spend away their college fund just to end up with joint custody at the end anyway. If there is a way for a dad to win full custody without physical abuse...let me know. I'd do it in a heartbeat. YES there is a way. You get a good attorney and you stick to it. As for their college fund - please - most kids do just fine without a college fund. I certainly did. Waste of money, IMO. Nice to have if you can afford it. YOU CAN'T.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It's all he said she said though... she says I'm a horrible, Abusive father and I beat the kids.. she will say that the kids didn't need their medicine. She outright lied in court already by saying that the kids didn't have asthma to begin with while I have proof otherwise. Courts know how to handle that. They appoint a court trusted doctor or psychiatrist or whatever is necessary to find out the truth. This is not a reason to not fight for custody of your kids.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It is better for your kids to be protected from their mother than it is for you to pay for their college. Kids can pay their own way to college. YEP! And they will be better for it. Take it from me. I desperately needed to be protected from my insane wayward mother. Had to put up with a court ordered psychiatrist for a bit, but thanks to my dad hiring a bulldog attorney and neither him nor me giving up, we all made it. Paid my own way through college other than the first semester. Went to a state school which is what kids who have brains and no money to waste do. Most college is a rip off nowadays.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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At this point, she is hurting the children soo much... I clearly need to have her taken out. Let's focus on that.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Slavery abolitionists in the 1800s knew that they would never get instant abolition. They knew that if it ever came, it would be gradual. That didn't stop them from urging immediate, instant, full abolition. If they had only fought for some wishy washy partial deal they would never have gotten anywhere.
You have to fight for the most you can get. You don't roll over and take less. You may well get less, but if you fight for less, you'll get nothing. You'll get abused crazy kids and a life of hell for you and for them.
If you aim for doing it gradually, you will never do it at all. In the words of William Lloyd Garrison, an abolitionist of the 1800s, "Gradualism in theory is perpetuity in practice. ... Urge immediate abolition as earnestly as we may, it will, alas! be gradual abolition in the end. We have never said that slavery would be overthrown by a single blow; that it ought to be, we shall always contend."
You should aim for doing it all at once. You won't hit that mark, but if you don't aim for it, you will always be holding something back.
FULL CUSTODY.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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A. Good.
B. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.
C. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.
D. NO WAY. This will not help. Don't throw gas on the fire until you have legal protection.
E. YES. With a and e only, I am not giving her any chance... I would just be blindsiding her with legal action. I do think I should give her as many opportunities as possible... I feel like she is testing me, but I am not really telling the consequence... it's all or nothing. Plan A and she responded... or a legal blindside. I'd like for her to know the consequences and that I mean business before she burys herself... I am still a loving, caring husband... so this is hard. This doesn't make any sense. Legal action should always be blindsiding. If she wants to do something after that, great, you are obviously open to it and you are not stopping her.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You have evidence of her screaming raging abuse and the GAL is doing NOTHING?
Coincidentally you are talking about Plan A'ing your WW....and when you spoke to Dr Harley on the radio show, you asked about your marriage and didn't touch upon the issue of how your children are being abused and you can't get the courts or the GAL to do anything?
Really??
Do you see how this doesn't make sense, typicalman?
What makes more sense is that you have not been fighting hard enough for your children because you are too busy trying to win back your wife.
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