There is nothing I can do. She Is court appointed, I just pay the bill.

Do you see why I am frustrated by the legal process? I have spent $100K already fighting for these kids. Leaving the country is starting to look like a good option.

The children's attorney did ask the court for a physcological evaluation... but nothing has happened. My kids therapist also called and begged for her to do something.. but nothing has happened. I am beside myself. I think the new attorney I may end up using is more of a Texas bulldog.... I am almost out of money... but I know my wife is really out of money... so that may be some levrrage. My WW will fold over if she were to know that there is a good chance I will get full custody. My best hope is the physcological evaluation which she does not want. Every therapist that has seen her says it's obvious. She had had meltdowns in front ofv th he judge. The Judge even sent her to time out.

You don't have a strong attorney or really lazy, you need to interview a few.
If she is going for divorce now that it is filed, you must go in battle mode with the attorney as your field marshall (attorney needs to be COMPLETELY ruthless).

You can blame it all on the attorney if the wayward complains (no LB that way).

War has been declared on you and your children officially now, what are you going to do about it? You were already in a war, i forgot she kidnapped them
Your kids want you to be a MAN.

She wants to take me for everything... that is true. Her anger though comes from hurt. She is deeply hurt that she feels that I don't care for her. Telling her she had an affair and could not see her boyfriend anymore was an afront to her. She cannot see how illogical this all is. If we get back to the basics... her taker is in charge.. because of her own hurt. Her hurt really comes from a disorder and I really belive that.

She is a real person with real feelings and my hart melts for the pain she must be feeling.

Just like a drug addict... she needs tough love. I am prepared to do that. I need the right attorney to do this and the one I had may not have been it.

My wife does NOT want a divorce though. She wants to push me to see how far I will let her go run amuck. She Is Testing me. If I do divorce her, she wants to be able to fight back which is where the abuse stuff is likely comming from. This is what my gut is saying is the truith.

I am reaching the limit though on what I am willing to put up with. She is a good mom at times and terrible at other times. She is pitching in around the house and she is even working part time. I do see baby, baby steps. She has quite dramatic mood swings.

Unlike her, I do not "split". She is not all good or all bad. I can't make her into this monster that I need to destroy.

I will go to this lawyer and approach him exactly as DR Harley recommended and get some type of plan. I already know him and have consulted with him previously. He has both criminal and family law experience and has been in practice for a long time. He works on weekends. He thinks I am way too nice and he will want to tear her up.

This is crazy. Every time the posters here start to tell it like it is, you start defending her and back away from what needs to be done. Do you see this? You are defending her and trying to make sense of things that don't make sense. I hope your next lawyer goes into battle mode and you allow it because you continue to back away from the fight at the drop of a hat.

I'd stay married too if I were her. Her bills get paid, she gets to do whatever she wants and she terrorizes the family. A pretty sweet deal for someone who has NO intention of behaving with even a shred of care for others.

I am unclear why you want to "make her into a monster?" What is the point of that? You don't need to "destroy" her in order to protect your children. It seems like you are getting very unfocused here and forgetting the reason behind this whole discussion: GETTING PROTECTION FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

Of course not, you are her personal ATM.

Exactly... my point though is that her "taker" is in charge. I would like to see her "giver" come back. It's just like the story of Jon and Sue in "surviving an affair ". Sue only came back because she had no where to go. Sue took the kids away from Jon. Sue kicked Jon out of his house. Her actions were diplorable. I too struggle with that... but by spending time with Jon, she came out of the Fog.

I gave Dr. Harley alot of information and he didn't necessarily use all of it on the air but we talked off-air a bit too.

He addressed the fact that she has really bad intentions. It's hard to plan A someone who basically hates you... but isn't that the case most of the time? Dr Harley talks alot about the abuse that betrayed spouse endures. The children are abused horribly too... and that's why Afairs cause so much hurt.

In my case... the OM is just someone to "talk to" but my WW is so selfish, she will not end the relationship. This extreme " selfishness" is where the likely personality disorder comes in. Having a "taker" is normal...but being this far to the extreme is not normal.

I need a really good lawyer to help protect me from her... I'm doing that. I'm following all Dr Harley ' s suggestions... and he knows what I am up against. My WW is like having another 5 year old child... but I need to outsmart her and be one step ahead. It's really sad to live this way.

How do you win full custody without making the other parent look really bad? You have too.

What does any of this have to do with the price of tea in China? Instead of typing long winded, meaningless posts, you should be getting a bulldog attorney who will help you get full custody of your children.

We also know what you are "up against" but have more information than what you apparently gave Dr Harley.

How about keeping your focus on your children?

The LEAST of your problems is whether or not your wife "looks bad." Your children are being abused and, as their father, it is up to you to protect them.

This is really a grey area;

I think my wife is not completely a "bad mom"... the children still love her... although they are shifting towards building a stronger bond with Dad more and more each day.

The main problem with regard to abuse is that she is completely disrespectful to me in front of the kids. She completely uses the kids as her weapon against me. She also feels that she knows better what is best for the kids than me, doctors, teachers, the police... anyone else. She decided that the kids don't need their car seats anymore even though they still do by law. She decides that they don't really need their medicine. She decides if the teacher is right or wrong. In her mind, she is being a good mom and as such she knows best.

I met with our marriage councilor yesterday and he thinks it is narcissism.

Here is another story that I will give you (which falls in the grey are... and possibly, plan A is actually working)

Last night my wife was having my older son read. That is really good! I wanted to listen and see how he was doing.

At one point, he said "dada... mama is making me do something boring"

I said... "story of my life"

To put this in context, just last weekend my wife made a comment that she missed my sarcasm.. .I'm too serious. I thought that comment was funny. I guess it was not.

My wife said "fine... you read with him"... so I did. but she went and got into bed with her clothes on and pulled the covers over her head. I came in later and told her that I was sorry and that it must of hurt her feelings. Clearly, it did. She kinda got on the offensive and said that I was a bad father.

The point is, I made a mistake by trying to be funny... but the more significant point is a couple things:
#1 In my opinion, my wife has no or very little "emotional skin"; she cannot handle any form of criticism
#2 She must actually have some feelings still invested in how I think about her. If she simply hated me and was in withdrawal, I don't see how my sarcasm would have any effect on her... but it DID. As we discussed with Dr. Harley.. she is looking and wanting me to prove that I do care about her.

You can tell me if you think my joke was not funny or mean spirited...(it was not intended that way... and in all the years of our relationship history we could crack jokes and take little jabs at eachother... she has indicated multiple times that she missed that) but my view is that she is really, really over sensitive right now because she is trying to figure out if I care about her.

My suggestion would be to focus all of your attention on protecting your children legally rather than make these meaningless, long winded posts. They are only a distraction.

You seem to like to defend your wife, why not focus on defending your children?

help me..how is my wife's behavior different from Sue???

I think Sue's behavior was outrageous too and Dr Harley probably sugar coated it in his book. She was clearly ruthless kicking her husband out of his house and taking the kids away from him. I was quite shocked that Jon took her back as well... but Dr Harley says their marriage is now good. How is this different?

Can we focus on your children?? We don't care about your WW or SAA because your children are being abused.

Have you called the doctor to bring in your son and have it documented in the medical record that your WW is teaching him not take his medicine and as a result he has started coughing (a sign that he can't breath) again?

Have you notified the GAL that this is happening?

I don't want to hear about your WW or her fog anymore so don't bother posting about that.

typicalman,
what are you doing today, tomorrow, this week to get an attorney to actually work for you and your children.

You continue to be an apologist for your wayward. Stop trying to analyze her, you can't! She is a fogged out machine. Not everything she does relates to Sue and SAA, not everything she does has meaning. I would say almost all she does has no meaning except to build a case against you.
You are so desperately looking for a crumb that points to recovery, you are hurting your kids. You are a million miles from recovery, so stop looking for it.

What are you doing meeting with a marriage counselor? Why, why, why?

That is where you are headed if you don't stop making these distracting, meaningless posts and take care of your children. Do you want to get kicked out and prevented from seeing your children?

FOCUSFOCUSFOCUSFOCUS!!

I went to the school yesterday and asked them to start documenting his coughing especially after gym class. The GAL knows about the problems... doing nothing. I am going to visit his doctor too. I have an appointment with a new Lawyer.