I have.. I wish I could post some sound clips so you know what I am dealing with. I think my prior lawyer didn't want to use any of it because it makes me look abusive for recording or taking videos of her even though it is legal.

If your wife ever hits or pushes you again you need to call 911 and have her thrown in jail. And don't try to tell me they won't throw her in jail for assault.

Put a VAR in your pocket and keep it there at all times. Instead making more excuses how about making plans to take the child to a doctor and buying a VAR?

Is there some reason that you can't post sound clips? Just asking.

Others have already mentioned hiding a camera. This is really just silly at this point...you describe such abusive treatment and yet you cower from finding a way to prove it to the courts?

My attorney would not use the audio in court. I think she felt it would backfire for making me look like an abuser for recording her.

I have been online and found a few ideas for a hidden camera. You need to keep in mind... between my wife and the kids... they will put their hands in my pockets already to take my cell phone away from me. Yes... my wife has done this a few times to go through my cell phone. So I can't wear a camera without it being found.

My wife won't get physical with me if I do what she wants me to do. Also, she won't just hit me out of the blue unless I say something offensive. I haven't been doing anything to provoke her.

If I forced my son to take his medication, she would surely come assault me without question. If I call the police, she will surely tell them that I was hurting the child. That's how it would go diwn. The police will probably not arrest anyone without obvious injuries, but they will make one of us leave the house. Which one do you think that would be? Seriously... unless she causes serious injury to me, calling the police is a bad option. I will discuss that with my attorney though.

I did call the police on her once already. She told the police that I was abusing the children. The police saw no evidence of that. I had paperwork that she was not supposed to be at the house and that's all that saved me.

Of course it is not a bad option. If you are assaulted, you should call the police and file a report every time. Don't be silly. Keep a voice activated recorder in your pocket at all times so you can play it back for the police. All of these silly hypotheticals are nothing more than excuses.

In the meantime, you have a responsibility and an obligation to take your son to the doctor for his medical needs. All of these lame excuses do not erase that responsibility. If you won't take care of your child's medical needs, you might have your kids taken away from you.

As the parent here, you need to do the right thing for your child and stop worrying about your own skin. You need to worry about your SON, not yourself. If she hits you, then do the right thing and call the police. You don't need to consult with your attorney to know that. Another nonsensical delaying tactic.

DO THE RIGHT THING and stop operating in FEAR.

Actually, it isn't assault to force a minor child to take LIFEsAVING medication.

Also, if you call the police, she is the one put out. Youneed to call the police everytime to establish the pattern of behavior.

You are getting a new attorney, right?

YES... let me talk to that new attorney first.

I'm not trying to save my own skin... but If I go to jail or lose custody over my children over an inhailer fight... WHAT GOOD AM I TO THEM? Keeping myself in their lives as much as possible is my #1 priority.

When the police come... she will lie and say that I assaulted her... one of us gets hauled away. Who will the police believe.. the man or the woman??? Lets be real folks.. you are going to get me thrown in jail or at the very least thrown out of my house.

I am not making excuses... but the woman gets the benefit of the doubt.. .that is the hard fact here.

If I had done what my wife did, I would not be seeing my children right now. I would be in jail or at least making huge support payments for her while not being allowed to see my kids um-supervised.

I appreciate the advice and please keep the ideas coming.. I need to outsmart her at every turn here and stay one step ahead or I will find myself in big trouble.

My uncle called the police on his WW for assaulting him a couple of years ago and she was arrested. So it is not an impossibility as you suggest.

Just an observation to give more of a picture of what is going on.

Last night, my wife was a good mom.... she read with my son again, she folded laundry while I played checkers with the kids etc...She let them stay up a bit to late, so I fell asleep before they did and I don't know what happened after that... if they made it to their own beds or not.

Other times... i.e. last weekend, I noticed that she began to feel "stressed", there was somewhere we needed to be an time-wise, we just weren't going to get there in time. She started raging! she drove the car recklessly and it was like walking on eggshells with her all day. She started berating me for putting cotton balls in the wrong place or using the wrong utensil on the grill. Inappropriate anger and rage for the situation. The kids started acting up (no surprise) so she would yell at them then blame me for causing their behavior.

Others who have observed her have said that this is bi-polar disorder. My marriage counselor thinks she has narcissistic personality disorder. I think she she had borderline personality disorder. Dr Harley clearly thinks something is wrong with her. The symptoms do seem similar to what he describes as withdrawal... which could be what is going on.. but Dr Harley didn't really think that she was addicted to this guy. I don't think she is addicted (but I could be wrong)

There were signs of this kind of behavior (even on our wedding day) before the affair... but never this bad.

The problem with the medication for my kids is this: Parents have a right to determine whether their kids should take a medicine unless something becomes life threatening. My wife does not want my kids taking allergy medicine or asthma medicine. I do want them taking it. We disagree. Legally she has a right and I have a right. Because I am terrified of her and she can cause so much damage to me, she wins. I am trying to do everything I can to build and document a case for my son to take his medication.

I think it is OK to question doctors and get a second opinion etc.. I think that my wife sees me as an evil monster so anything I do, she views as bad. I am vilified for taking the kids to church for example. The more I want the kids to take their medicine, the more she will oppose it. This is not a function of her getting a second opinion... I believe that this is narcissism. She is right and will not listen to any opposing view point. It's cognitive dissonance.. which means that facts that oppose her view point are ignored... so for example, when my son is coughing.. she will say, no he is not coughing.. then he coughs again.. I say "what was that".. she is silent. It is dissonance and her mind cannot resolve it.

My car is parked in the driveway... she crashes into it. In her mind and verbally she says, " I am am a good driver" " I did not crash into my husbands car or it was not my fault"... the next weekend, like clockwork, she crashes into it again... the fact is that there is a parked car there and she completely ignores that fact.

This is someone with severe mental illness and I cannot get her to get help. There is a small chance it is withdrawal. If it were withdrawal, it would go away... but Dr Harley says that if she refuses to completely end contact then the withdrawal will not go away. I am really, really struggling with what to do about the mental illness aspect.

I really just wish I knew what was causing all this.

When dealing with the police in these situations, be calm, cool and collected NO MATTER WHAT she lies about. She most likely will be unhinged, screaming, yelling, and causing great havoc.
Have your VAR and ready to playback to police. Let your attorney know in advance that you will need him "on call" for such an instance.

The cops (generally, not always) will see who is the liar and who is the unstable one. (again i speak from experience here)
You are right to point out the bias, but you need to act.

Also, STOP trying to analyze her and diagnose her mental health problems. We all know she is not in her right mind at this point, stop trying to figure her out. You are making excuses for her behavior and it doesnt matter the reason, all that matters is she is acting reckless.
Why are you visiting a marriage counselor? What are you trying to accomplish?

I know... she is really scary though because she does the persona of the victim really well. The time the police came out, the female officer had to take my son from mom's arms and give him to me. She asked me if I would allow my wife to take my son for the night... I said sorry, but no. It was clear that if I did not have the law my side and the legal paperwork that the kids were to be in my custody that time, they would have sided with Mom...

I do think that when I interview the new attorney that he must be on call for me. He will know what we are up against and be willing to protect me. I also think that having this attorney who practices both criminal and family law may be what I need.

Honestly, it sounds like your last attorney was just trying to rack up billable hours.I'm glad you are getting a new one.

The VAR doesn't make you seem like an abuser. Not using it and tying their hands legally makes your lawyer sound like an idiot at best.

I believe that you said you were afraid to use a Voice Activated Recorder earlier because she searches your pockets and would claim being abused.

QUIT being such a fraidy cat Wimp!!!

Yes, police typically side with the woman, but NOT if you have proof and evidence.

You, yourself are the one setting things up to go in her favor if you do not take that very simple step to protect yourself and your relationship with the kids.

LTL

I use it as much as I can... I am creative about where I stash it (a book shelf or wherever), but it's not on my person all the time so I don't catch everything. The point was that wearing a camera would be even more difficult. I am looking into options for that.

I want to know what is causing this crazy behavior... the other thing that I can push for is a physiological evaluation through the courts. If I can get a diagnosis... that will really help to protect me. If this is wayward FOG or constant withdrawal symptoms... which Dr Harley describes in his book.. but really sounds like a form of mental disorder.. I just don't know if that can be diagnosed.

The thing that gets me.. is that through my 15 year relationship with her, yes there have been emotional problems... but some people are just more emotional than others... but it has been nothing like what I have experienced since the affair.. so how could this not be affair related? I am so confused as to what causes this behavior, how to deal with it, and if it will ever get better.

She has shown progress... but really slow progress.

At first she filed a restraining order.

She blocked my phone calls

She refused to even look at me or be in the same house as me.

Now, she has unblocked my calls.

We live together, talk, and do family activities.

These are signs of improvement... but because I spend more time with her, I notice the bazaar behaviors more. Blaming, extreme angry rages, regression of the children, mood swings, controlling behaviors, physical aggression, etc...

typical,

You're just making excuses for not heeding the advice here and your son is the one who is suffering for this. You need to become much more proactive for his sake!! Here is what I would do (suggest) to start with: 1) Get your son to his dr. ASAP for an updated evaluation. Tell him/her that your w is preventing him from receiving his medication on a regular basis and have the dr. advise you AND your son what the effects are of untreated asthma in childhood. Just a brief search that I did indicated that untreated asthma can result in loss of lung function and airway modification that can affect the person later in life. I think it's important that both you and your son realize this. Listen to what his dr. says. 2) Have the dr. prepare a written treatment plan and keep this with you at all times (in addition to the VAR) in the event that you do have to call the police to intervene in case she attacks you when you are giving the prescribed med. to your son. I think it would be important for the police to know that any altercation is due to her preventing you from following a prescribed treatment plan for your son. 3) Why are you waiting to see what the school personnel come up with?? You are the parent. Meet with the school principal and the school nurse - inform them of the prescribed treatment plan. Keep them in the loop as to his condition and dr. prescribed limitations. With that information they should be able to gauge his participation in gym and other school activities and provide you with feedback. You're making this much more complicated than it should be.

Tom

@ Tom2010

Firstly... I do have written instructions form the doctor's office. The treatment plan etc.. it pretty standardized.

Secondly... I went to the school and asked to talk to the principle. She wasn't there, but I worked my way down the line and talked to the school nurse. I talked to her at length about the asthma.. she gave me a form to get signed by the doctor which I am doing which gives the school permission to give him the rescue inhaler. She would not give him the preventive inhaler since that should be done at home. She basically said that if my wife wouldn't allow him to have it.. that is sad, but I must get her to agree to do it at home. The school wouldn't do it.

I asked her to check on him after every gym class and to document any problems he was having and send letters home and also call me.

My sons doctor isn't an alarmist by his asthma... this really comes down to my opinion that my son should take his inhalers and my wife's opinion that he should not. My only two options are to convince her or to get sole custody (which I can't really do right now) of the children so I can make the decisions for them.

I think that I am the better parent and can better make decisions for my children's well being. She thinks that she is the better parent. If you listened to the program with Dr Harley, my wife does not and can not negotiate. I am so sorry for my kids that they were born to this mother who is not looking out for their best interests. I am doing everything that I can for them.