"I have not engaged him but feel a thaw toward me. He stacks firewood on my deck when I am not home so I do not have to walk all the way to the wood shed. He has also been asking IM if there is anything else he can do for me. He is being a better husband now than the last year or so. "

He sucks as a husband. He is having an affair and has abandoned his marriage for it. He has treated you horribly and is doing nothing to rectify it. He stacked the wood because he feels guilty. It was for him, not you. If he were a decent husband he would move heaven and earth to get you back.

He would certainly not be going away for 6 weeks.

No one, do not have any contact with him at all unless he BEGS to get you back on bender knee. If he won't do that, he is not worth it. It is vitally important that you shut him down entirely. He has taken you for granted for a very long with your help. It has made you very unattractive over time. You need to raise the price of admission. He won't pay a very high price to get you back, he can go to hell.

Thank you all. Just the shot of backbone I needed.

It is so easy to want it so bad and thinking that I will never be loved again that I lose sight of what he did and that I deserve better. I will have no contact today and by tomorrow it will be a mute point.

I also have some time off which will give me a chance to do something fun without fear of running in to him.

I will try to post more often to be sure I keep my resolve in place. Hopefully I will have a new job far away by the time he comes back.

Good girl!!! I am sure your husband wants the old arrangement where you hung around on the sidelines to keep him company. You are way too valuable for that and if he wants back in he will have to pay a high price! If you think you will run into him somewhere, DONT GO THERE!!! Stay pitch, pitch dark.

WH has been on his trip for just over a week. BIL and SIL are gone as well. That has made being here much easier. So far, I feel pretty good. I am surprised.

It has been cold here (-12F tonight) which means it is hard to get outside as much. I think this is why I got a bit down and started to panic a little tonight so thought I would post.

I also just made an appointment at the beauty shop for Tuesday and dinner with girlfriend wednesday. That should help.

Nothing on the job front yet 😕. Government moves slow but this is pretty slow.

I do miss him and still love him. Sometimes I wish that were not ture -it seems it would be easier that way.

Yesterday and today have really been hard. All I can think about is WH. I am sure he is with POSOW. I have no proof but it is a safe bet.

I got so hopeful with his seeming interest in working on things that even through he was not offering enough, I guess I was hoping it was just a first attempt and we were on the right track.

But, if that were true, he would try to contact me while he is gone. If he cared he would show it. IM said she has received nothing from him.

I know it is my fault for getting my hopes up. But it kills me picturing him laughing, and cuddling with her while I cry. He has that connection again with someone that makes you feel alive while I can only mourn my loss of that. I keep telling myself I deserve better but that does really help anymore.

Have dinner with some friends tonight, hope that helps. Thanks for letting me vent-it keeps me from angry texting or calling WH.

I'm sorry noone. Have you read other Plan B-ers threads? Your pain won't last forever. You did the right thing by not accepting his crumbs.

Please don't ask your IM if he has contacted her, it won't help you to feel better. The only time that your IM should let you know anything is if and when your husband has agreed to all of your conditions.

Enjoy your dinner with friends.

Not much going on or changing. It has still been hard. For some reason, I only seem to be remembering the good things and feeling incredibly guilty over everything I did to bring us to this point. Random tears but i seem to be able to hold it together at work.

I try to keep thinking better days are ahead and that works for a bit. Then I get sad again. Today I found out I did not get that job for which I interviewed. Bummmer. However, I am hopeful that i will at least get an interview for a job in MT. Still far away-heck, almost everything is far from Alaska.

WH is still gone. Will not be back until the 15th, so I have some time to get myself together and ready for the occasional small town run in.

I really want to call just to hear his voice. But I know he would not answer, I would feel worse and be more unattractive to him.

Any advice for dealing with everyone else's opinion on what I should do and how I should feel. I know they all mean well but I don't need their baggage, I have plenty of my own.

Thanks to everyone for being here, I read all the posts on the other threads and it does seem to help, for that I am gratful.

May God bless you all.

Tell them it hurts you deeply to even think about so you will not discuss it; they are to keep their thoughts about you-know-who to themselves. If they persist, perform an about face and walk out on them mid-sentence.

What are you doing this week to feel good?

Hi noone, sorry you are feeling badly. If you can stay completely dark from him [no run-in's, nothing] you will feel better, sooner. Every time you run into him, it puts you back to day 1 of withdrawal. This is why it is so critical to remain completely dark in Plan B.

The very best thing that could happen to you is moving away completely to get away from him and out of that environment. Then if he wants to reconcile, he can follow you to the new town that is not tainted with bad memories and triggers. A place where the OW does not visit. And if he is not willing to do that, then he is not serious.


You are at this place because your husband is having an affair and because he is not interested in repairing your marriage. You were fully willing to take the necessary steps to fix this. HE WAS NOT. You have nothing to feel guilty about.


Exactly. So if anyone gives you the bad advice to seek him out, just remind yourself of the reality. They don't have to deal with the pain and rejection, YOU DO.

Thank you all for the replies.

As for what I am doing to feel good this week, I am going to town this weekend and do some shopping. I do not have anyone to go with me, but I will be fine on my own. I will take my dog with me for company. I have been eating well and exercising more. That is good.

I agree I need to get out of here. Heck, everyday on my way to and from work, I pass the place OW worked. After so long in a place, everything is a trigger. We built the house I live in together,not only does the stuff in the house remind me of him, but every stud is a memory.

I will do my best to avoid WH when he gets back. But we are a town of less than 500 people, one way in and out, not even a street light or fully paved roads. It also means everyone knows everything about your business. So, I think about what everyone must be thinking everything they see me. I know I need to get over that but it is hard.

I think part of it is that it it winter in Alaska. Dark, cold, snowy, icy and very quiet. Summer we are busy with tourists but even locals like to get out in winter.

Two of my firends are out of town and the other one is having some struggles of her own so that is also part of it.

I need to just stop thinking about everything and stop thinking about him. I think I will work on a list of topics to think about when I start to think about him or our situation.

If anyone has other suggestions for getting WH out of my thoughts, please let me know.

Thanks again for everything.

MOVE!!!

I am making progress on that!

Meet with a realtor. She suggested I do a few things before getting it on the market. So, I am working on that list.

She encouraged me to wait until Feb or March to list as nothing really sells here until then and it would be best to wait to list so it does not become a "stale" listing. I have never bought or sold a house so I do not really know if she is right, but she comes highly recommmended.

I will see where we are when this list is complete. Our neighbor just sold this summer and it sold in about a month. Same realtor. I am hopeful this house will sell quickly as well. It should.

Can you rent it out now and sell it next summer?

I can try,there is not much demand this time of year. I am certain I have it rented starting in April, if it is not sold by then.

Even if I do not list it with an agent now, I will spread the word and see if I can find a buyer. I just need to finish the checklist, which involves hiring help for somethings I can not do, like finish the trim.

Problem is, I have to go outside the local area because my WH is a local contractor and everyone local(not that there are many, and one is WH brother) is saying they feel uncomfortable working on "his" house, especially with him out of town and not knowing.

I have a few contractors/handymen from over 1.5 hours away working on bids right now but they are booked for next 6 or so weeks.

I will get it done. I will find someone that does not like my WH and will be willing to help. He had to make someone mad.

Thanks for the push. I have to say, I was worried posting might make me obsess on WH, but I feel much better now. Can't explain but am grateful!☺

Before entering Plan B, WH was really the only person that called my cell or texted me. So, after going into Plan B, every time my cell phone rings or I get a text, it causes a rush of anxiety that it might be WH.

It dawned on me last night that I automatically associate those ring tones with him.

So, I changed all my ring and text tones on my phone. What a differnce. Today when my phone rings, no anxiety and I do not jump to thinking of WH.

Wish I would have thought of this before. I did unblock WH long enough to give him the old ringtones. Then I blocked him again. Not sure why I felt that I and to do that but it might help if we ever get to a place we are talking again.

I have been doing quite well latley. But it is proving a tough night. So am posting to avoid doing something I will regret, like text WH.

He is back tomorrow afternoon. I have had this reoccurring nightmare that I am sitting at the table, he walks in says the last 5 weeks he has been with POSOW and he wants a divorce so they can get married. I was doing pretty good not letting it get to me. Today, I can't get it out of my head.

If nothing else this last 5 weeks, facing the Alaska winter alone and being just fine, has shown me, I am stronger than I knew and will survive. But I can't stop the tears.

I guess it comes down to this- I am not ready to give up on recovering our marriage and it will hurt if he is. But I will survive that too.

To help, I took tomorrow off of work and will head out of town for the day. Even if he comes here, I will be gone. Might stay overnight someplace and just come back for work on Wed. Will see how I feel tomorrow.

Thanks for being here to listen. It really helps.

Have you checked YouTube for videos of how to change the locks? It isn't hard. I think You would feel better if he can't jus
T walk in.