New here, this is my first post.

I'm 33, husband is 39. We have been married for 1 month.

My husband and I dated for a few months things were great we are perfectly matched in every way, including sexually. Then he broke things off. He said I wasn't his "type"

Admittedly I am a bit over weight, 5'7" 175lbs. I am extremely sexual and have never been with a man that couldn't keep his hands off of me.

6 months later we reconnected, things were amazing! Again perfectly matched, even in bed.

We were married a little more than a month ago. And since we got married sex is....awkward. We communicate very well. So we've discussed it and he says that he's not sexually attracted to me. He's deeply in love with me, he thinks I'm beautiful...I'm just not his "type" ( he's use to dating stick figures )

Now I'm working on the weight thing, I eat right, I work out 5 days a week, its slow but progressive. I've also had two children and I'm having a tummy tuck in a few months to solve the belly problem ( which is big for him ).

So here is my question... How do I get past this..because honestly It is killing my self esteem! My husband is gorgeous, sexy, in my eyes crazy hot! I always want him, I want to touch him, be near him, have sex with him, everything! And he is close to me, he is always reaching for me, cuddling with me..rarely initiates sex though. I feel like he has to force himself to have sex with me. He would rather watch porn and get off than have sex with me.

I love this man, and I know that he loves me. I would do anything I had to do, to make sure we have a long successful marriage. But how do I stop feeling so crappy about myself? I used to be so happy with myself. And now I can't even look in a mirror without crying.

Any advice?

He has got to stop using porn. What does he say when you ask him to do this?

He knows he has a problem with it, we've discussed it. And he agrees and says that he doesn't want to. And he tries not to watch it. It has slowed down a lot. He's very open and honest with me about everything. And he feels awful about the way this is making me feel. So in return I feel bad that he feels bad.

It doesn't matter how much weight you lose, or what kind of surgery you get, but your husband will never desire you as long as he views porn. He is experiencing what is called the "Contrast Effect."

The porn must go. Feeling bad about it is not enough. Will he stop?

Read: The Scourge of Pornography

Give him a couple of months following that policy, where he cannot have any sexual experience without you (no porn, no masturbation, etc), and see how long it takes for him to desire you.

But he's doing it to himself! It's not your fault he's looking at porn.

Tell him this is not enough - it has to stop if he is going to be married to you.

What you have to do is tell him he can't keep you if this goes on. Lay it all on the table and go for broke: either the other women go, or you go. This is the only way you can possibly get a successful marriage out of this.

I know that the porn is an issue, and so does he, and he does try not to watch it or masturbate. Since we first discussed this it has slowed to about once maybe twice a week. And I have a hard time telling him he can not do it at all or telling him its the porn or me because I admittedly watch porn myself at times. I don't have a problem with the porn watching..I have a problem that he would rather do that than be with me.. and I also don't see tell him I'd leave him over it, because I wouldn't. As I said other than this one issue, our relationship is amazing.

Maybe the porn is so important that you would be willing to tolerate a husband who doesn't find you attractive? Is the porn that important? It may be. Some people would rather watch porn than have a good marriage. And that is an option you have.

No..It't not important, at least not to me. I just don't see how him not watching porn will make him attracted to me. I mean its either there or it isn't...right?

If he knew it made you unhappy wouldn't he want to quit it? When I do something that makes my husband unhappy I stop doing it because my marriage is very important to me.

Are you concerned he will not quit if you ask?

He is trying to quit. He has an addiction to it..and like I said, He was watching all the time.. daily. and it has slowed to maybe once or twice a week. and hes honest with me.. I'll ask if hes watched it and he tells me when he does.

I might add that he works days and I work nights, sometimes 18 hours a day 7 days a week. My job is very demanding and I am not home much.

Did you think it was ODD tthat Markos knew immediately that your H watched porn? It is because watching porn CAUSES the husband to find his wife unattractive. It is a classic symptom.

The reason he is not attracted to you is because you are competing with 18 year old hard bodies. As long as there is a contrast effect in addition to his masturbation, he won't view you in an attractive light.

The solution is to quit it altogether and remove the source of the porn. Telling you when he does it is worthless. He just needs to stop.

The solution to any addiction is to STOP and remove the source of the high.

Then how to stop? He uses the internet everyday, he works from home. When he gets the urge it will be right there in front of him. It's not like being an alcoholic or a drug addict where you can just remove yourself from the temptation.

Of course he could get a job where he is not working from home on the internet, however, there are many, many software programs that are password protected that can block any porn on the computer.

if you work nights, wouldn't that mean you are home during the day with him?

Here is one that another one of our members used: http://www.covenanteyes.com/

I sleep days, get up shower and head back to work. We also have 5 children.