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Which I have. Trust me...if his coworkers spread it around as I imagine they will...eventually it will get to a supervisor. If they get fired that way so be it. This is meaningless because companies don't act on gossip. I am a supervisor and I will tell you that we do not act on gossip. No one does.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He could have changed his advice yesterday on the last half of the radio show - I missed that part. But here is his stated position:
From Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair - pg 71,
"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job. So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No he is not putting in notice. He is going full steam ahead with divorce. I googled exposure and Harley and found an article he had written about exposure. In that letter he said workplace is last and should be done with thought about outcome to your own particular situation.
WH and OW have strict no dating rules. They would both be fired. They work for a drug...alcohol...mental illness recovery company and each are recovering addicts. So the rule is understandable.
But for me I can't afford my car and the truck I bought him if he loses his job. Since the truck is in my name it would hurt my credit and security clearance for my job. I can't lose my job because he can't pay the truck. My job requires immaculate credit.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Otherwise I would have NO problem whatsoever about him losing his job...or her. It's strictly a self preservation decision. House...cars...assets...all in my name. I personally can't afford for him to lose his job at this point today. If tmrw he said he had truck in his name...them tmrw I'd send the exposure letter to his and her employer...in a heartbeat.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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The threat of them losing their jobs is still there. The exposure letter went to all their friends and coworkers...and if office gossip gets to a supervisor as office gossip usually does...they could both still lose their jobs.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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And if that happens...I'm gonna be in a real bind.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Did you read my post? Dr Harley ONLY recommends against workplace exposure when the WS has put in his notice.
It is not smart or strategic to skip that exposure if he won't leave the job, because you aren't going to get that support anyway if you are competing against an OW for his income. You aren't going to get all that support in a divorce.
Your best hope comes from him leaving that job and de-fogging. He can get another job where he is not around the OW.
As long as he is still with the OW, he will strive to make sure SHE gets the lionshare of income, not you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I googled exposure and Harley and found an article he had written about exposure. In that letter he said workplace is last and should be done with thought about outcome to your own particular situation. I showed you above exactly what his position is. He never said workplace exposure should be "last." He said: "So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What would I say to him exactly if I sent him a warning email?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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How would I even know it's true....if they broke up?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Keep in mind he no longer lives in the home...he's filed for divorce and wants out fast...and him losing his job hurts me. Plus...how would I know one has left the company and they are broken up? He could just say they are broken up. He has his own place...where I don't know. Where would my proof come from?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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What would I say to him exactly if I sent him a warning email? First off, I think you know he is not going to leave so I don't see the point in emailing him. That condition applies to WS's are actively seeking to save their marriage and are willing to do what it takes to save the marriage. That is not the case here. My suggestion would be to send a letter to HR and a couple of other key executives telling them about the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How would I even know it's true....if they broke up? All you need to know is that they had an affair and are still working together. You don't need to know the current status of the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Keep in mind he no longer lives in the home...he's filed for divorce and wants out fast...and him losing his job hurts me. Plus...how would I know one has left the company and they are broken up? He could just say they are broken up. He has his own place...where I don't know. Where would my proof come from? You send any proof of the affair that you do have. His company will investigate to see what is going on. Do you believe you will benefit from that job in a divorce? It is important that you understand that you will be competing for his income with the OW. [he wants her to win] That is why you should do everything in your power to kill the affair. Exposure is a major weapon in that endeavor.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The company will likely look at his emails, texts and call logs. You don't have to provide all the evidence. They can gather this.
What happens in most cases, though, is they separate the cheaters and don't fire them. Either way you benefit because much of their affair has occurred in the workplace. GEtting them separated helps you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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They work in different jobs...different jobs...not together...much of what each does is on the road. Out in the field.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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They work in different jobs...different jobs...not together...much of what each does is on the road. Out in the field. Do they work at the same company??? WH and OW have strict no dating rules. They would both be fired. They work for a drug...alcohol...mental illness recovery company and each are recovering addicts. So the rule is understandable. ^^^so if they have these rules and would both get fired then they were aware of the consequences. They chose to have the affair and chose to put their jobs in jeopardy. Why are you hiding their affair for them?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes they work for same company but not directly together...to my knowledge.
I'm hesitant only in so much as I need WS employed to pay the truck pymt.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Can't remember, have you seen an attorney?
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