The book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley.

No I have not read that. I read Dobson Love Must Be Tough

If you want to survive this affair, I'm going to tell you what Dr. Harley's son Steve said to me: you need to embark on a program of education about Marriage Builders principles. There is a wealth of information here and you need to get very occupied in reading it, listening to it, and learning it, so you will be ready and you will be able to survive.

Definitely get the Marriage Builders app and start listening to the radio show, daily - I cannot emphasize this enough. Also get the book Surviving an Affair and view the video about infidelity here on this site.

Dr. Harley has specialized in infidelity for decades, with great success.

You can get the Surviving an Affair ebook off of Amazon and be reading immediately.

The Marriage Builders Radio app is here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html You can also listen to the program on your computer. There is one show each weekday and it is available repeated for 24 hours at any time until the next show comes out. It's like a free session from the counseling profession's foremost expert on infidelity, every day.

The infidelity video is here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi1000_video.html

Stupid question, but have you read the Basic Concepts?

Ok..thx!

Bought the book...and got started on it. The waiting if ever for this A to implode is trying my every last nerve of patience I have little of to begin with...grrrrrr

Sometimes the affair will die a natural death and we've seen those take up to 2+ years.

You need to work on you and cleaning up your side of the street and personal healing. MB can teach you recovery whether it be marital or personal recovery.

Have you thought about emailing Dr. Harley?? It's free.

Do you have your Plan B preparations in place yet? Plan B is required to be able to weather the stress of the waiting.

I bought the book on download to my kindle. I'm on ch 3. I am already in plan B with NC in effect.

I have not emailed my question to Harley as I don't know what I would ask that is different than what all you are answering for me. Sigh.

2yrs? OMG...how depressing...ill be divorced in less than 4mo...and that's IF I can stall it out that long.

Do you really want to stay in this marriage if he doesn't make the changes that are needed?

Dr. Harley says a WH needs to come back on bended knee with hat in hand if he is serious about recovering his marriage.

I second this advice!

These concepts are proven tried and true. They are counter-intuitive, so a lot of people DO NOT follow them word for word. However, if you do, they are successful to make you a better person, and more able to strengthen your marriage (be it to your current spouse, or a different one - no one can know the future, can we?).

That said, let me also advise you: Once I got totally involved in reading and learning the concepts on here, and wanting to better ME, the time flew by! I stopped obsessing on what WH might be doing, whether they were still together, what his family/friends thought or did, etc. It just simply DID NOT MATTER! I was focusing on ME, and fixing ME! I was a mess....not excusing H's A, but it explained a lot of my responsibility and part in the break-up. Looking back now, it's pretty hard to believe it was truly a full THREE YEARS that we were apart - and two divorced - but it was.

God is able to "Give back what the locust has stolen..." so no worries on that part! HE made a way where none appeared to be, and following these concepts made life bearable for me in the meantime, and helped correct the way we related to each other in the long run. See, I think most people just jump into marriage with NO (or little, or WRONG) marriage counseling, so they don't really know how to meet each others' emotional needs, or fill up LB....all the things the Harley's are very good at explaining.

Studying and learning that stuff made it all make sense for me, and WH, when he returned, was more than willing to learn as well! Keep learning, reading and asking questions. It'll help YOU stay strong!

God Bless,

Thank yoy...I'm trying!

And yes I would like reconciliation..but only if WH comes back repented and on bended knee. I'm worth it.

Since you've been separated, has your WH been in anger management?

No

Sooooooo last Sunday was friends exposure of WH and OW. Fast forward to today. I still have not received the truck and insurance payment. I emailed him and asked if had sent it. His response...."I want proof you're paying truck and insurance payments"

WTH?

Really? The only money he gives me is the truck pymt that is solely in MY name...yes I pay it! Hello....what is this all about? Some sort of retribution for last weekends exposure? Plus the pastor texted me and said he didn't go to his Celebrate Recovery meeting last night. Wondering if all this is related to the exposure or just him being a pill.

Sell the truck. You will feel so much better once you have done that and he will no longer be able to pull this stunt. If you do not put a stop to this, it will escalate.

I know there is a shortfall on the payments but you can find some other things to sell to cover this or take a bank loan. A new credit card often comes with a year of free credit. He is trying to control you. It is within your power to prevent that.

I need to ask my atty. Because when I was served the paperwork said nothing can be done with assets now. So if he doesn't pay I might need to go to court. The truck is the ONLY asset he wants so why not pay it...he's been paying it since we separated...
Update: He emailed back last night saying if I give him our old joint checking number he might be able to go into bank and deposit directly into the acct.

I'm not keen on that idea. Then OW could see stuff...not like she might be seeing stuff already but....he could go into bank and have them call me and I give permission for him to pay it....or hey...here's an idea...WH is 47yrs old....plan to send the check and prevent all this to begin with...grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Is there any money left in that account?