Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 17 of 37 1 2 15 16 17 18 19 36 37
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I offered to send it. He won't give me his addy. Besides he can trot his happy butt down to the court house and pay for a copy. He's the idiot that didn't do mail forwarding and thats how my response got returned.
So let him pay for his own copy.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2875038 01/25/16 08:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136
Not your problem, hun! He can pay for his own crap.


BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014

In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Yup!


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Well...success...I did good holding out and WH sent my IM a pic of the receipt showing he paid the truck....5 days late but paid. Now he just needs to send me a check for his half of the car insurance....sigh...I hope to get that in next few days...but I'm not gonna sweat it. But for someone who wants NOTHING to do with me he sure does seem to draw out the contact drama.

I'm thinking he's not happy having no direct access to me anymore!


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Good job! Your Plan B is working!


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Today my WH is bugging my IM about MY house electric bill that WH is NOT on...seriously...what gives. This is totally pissing off my IM who already loathes him. Ugh.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
Today my WH is bugging my IM about MY house electric bill that WH is NOT on...seriously...what gives. This is totally pissing off my IM who already loathes him. Ugh.

As mentioned before - I would think this kind of information needs not make it to your ears. Your IM should have been well aware of what it entails to be the IM.

Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Yes she is...but she lives on east coast and has no clue who's on what bill and if they are paid. So she had to ask me.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Well my IM backed out. It was too stressful with all WH emails...her job and her other life stressors right now.

Good news my Aunt stepped in and has already taken over.

WH now wants proof of my pymt of car/truck ins. WTH? Well he's gonna call the ins agent....like WH needed me for that.

New IM...prior to knowing this info was off limits said WH was asking her why I'm so hateful and bitter and angry...why I couldn't just give him the ins stuff. Which was never hidden or secret but I guess WH thought so...it's not like he couldn't reach into the glove box at any time and call the ins agent. Anyway...he went on to say he knows people with worse childhoods than me who are less hateful and what happened to ME?

First...relax...IM now knows to keep that part to herself. Second...why is WH even asking? Third...I was lucky to not have a bad childhood...unlike him I was not abused (sexually/emotionally/physically)....so what is that whole line of questioning all about?

Last edited by Alwayslookingup; 01/26/16 05:21 PM.

BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
Second...why is WH even asking? Third...I was lucky to not have a bad childhood...unlike him I was not abused (sexually/emotionally/physically)....so what is that whole line of questioning all about?
None of this matters and you really need to start training yourself not to ask these kinds of questions. Now once your IM stops sending all this drivel you can stop this stress.

You will really start to heal once you get into and stay in a truly dark Plan B. No you have yet to start it, but hopefully your new IM will help you get and stay dark.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2875102 01/27/16 06:35 AM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Ok


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
BrainHurts #2875124 01/27/16 01:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
WH is now refusing to pay his half of the car insurance for the truck. Say whaaaaat? Says he shouldn't have too. On what planet?


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
WH is now refusing to pay his half of the car insurance for the truck. Say whaaaaat? Says he shouldn't have too. On what planet?
Can you remove him from your insurance? Then he can get his own.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2875155 01/27/16 02:38 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
No. Truck is in my name only. Ins agent said I have to be insured on it too as the owner.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 50
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
No. Truck is in my name only. Ins agent said I have to be insured on it too as the owner.

I think you'll have to pay the ins on it - at least until 3/3.

Only another (little over a month away) few weeks.


Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
OlderWiser #2875177 01/27/16 04:33 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Called the ins agent and WH did NOT call as he said he would AND turns out I've been under charging him. Ha. He won't be happy about that. He should've just been honorable and paid the amount I had been charging and I'd been none the wiser.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Here's the deal as I see it:

It really comes down to - Do you want to do Plan B or not?

I do not buy that this truck situation necessitates continuing contact. People who are serious about Plan B typically overcome issues far greater that this. Most have child custody problems to deal with. But if you don't really want to break contact off and are looking for an excuse, then you can magnify anything into a necessity for continuing contact. So be honest with yourself. Stop wasting time with this truck nonsense and let's get serious.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
mrEureka #2875241 01/28/16 03:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
I have zero contact.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
Ok my IM says WH is asking her questions about me...example...Am I chemically imbalanced...why am I being so mean...what happened to me...marriage script rewriting stuff like I'm sure I've heard before...question...she wants to know if she can engage his personal questions...without my knowledge. I don't know the answer. My thought is no...only business which I told her originally...but since he's asking her stuff she is not sure what to do. Advice?

I guess the upside if yes...is he has someone that can help call him on his crap...she is 70yrs old and more motherly than hateful. She loves us both...and wants to see us reconciled...but what to do if he asks her questions?


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I have zero contact.
This is good, but you have to get him out of your head if you are to find peace. Just like contact between former affair partners will rekindle the affair, so does contact with your WH refresh the pain of betrayal. Thinking about him is a form of contact. You need to avoid engaging issues that remind you of your WH. Your IM should be helping you with that.

The point of Plan B is for you to find peace. That won't happen if your attention is wrapped up in whatever he is up to. The truck and the insurance are simply not worth the cost to your peace of mind. Can you not see this?


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
Page 17 of 37 1 2 15 16 17 18 19 36 37

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 611 guests, and 47 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5