Hun, you need to let GO. You need to stay totally in Plan B. Don't over-analyze this.

YOUR handle is "Alwayslookingup" - but now you're not looking UP at all! You must give it ALL to God. Just let WH go, let the AP crap go, just let go.

God cannot work while you're holding onto the past.

God loves you and NOTHING He has planned for your future is to harm you. Believe it!

God Bless,

It's like he's trying to sell it to everyone. I think you guys know that we are christians...so when WH says to people that he just can't be the man God called him to be married to me. Rich considering he's the one who is cheating and seeking divorce. Just hurts my heart. It's the most helpless feeling.

It's still fog talk.

Just let God work. Listen, sweetie, my IM was a wonderful Christian friend. Loves us both. But she stood in the gap with me and for us. She knew, too, that WH wasn't acting very "christian." It was OK. He was just -confused. He had to come to that realization on his own. In the meantime, I NEEDED MY ALONE TIME WITH GOD to strengthen me.

And it did.

Use your "alone" time wisely.

God Bless,

Court is 3/3...I don't have time for the fog to lift yet I have no control. My WH doesn't believe I've changed. Or that I can change. And quite frankly I feel that WH knows how much work it would be for him to chg and just isn't interested in putting in the work.

The purpose of Plan B is to protect your mental health. Believe me it is not too late!!

Plan B is designed to protect you from this fogbabble. If you will shut him out entirely and get your IM to stop telling you stuff, you will be amazed at how good you feel in a few weeks.

Oh she and I are in agreement on that now Melody. But it doesn't prevent my curiosity and thoughts. I just don't understand what happened to him and some of the stuff he says and does just makes no sense. For example he sent the first IM alllll my nice emails since Dday. If WH is so done...why not delete...it's what I'd do if I was done.

Or why keep needless contact over the truck/ins when it's the simplest issue to NOT have contact over. Why say you're done but then ask others what's wrong with ME? I know it's this fog talk and babble but it's still confusing.

It's also alien talk! THAT's why you don't need to listen to it. It just twists you around into little knots, and makes it hard for you to get straightened out. You've suffered a huge shock to your system....your whole world tumbled upside down.

You need TIME to settle down, adjust to the "new normal" that is now your life, and You.Cannot.Do.That.If.You.Continue.To.Dwell.On.What.WH.Is.Doing.And.Why.

So just STOP IT!

The Lord stopped me. He stopped me from "stalking" or trying to trail WH around, or find out anything about OW (I never even knew what she looked like!). You don't know me, but - believe me - that is SOOO not my personality to just let it go.

He just flat told me - "NO! Either you trust me to work this out, or do not ask Me to help at all." I got the distinct feeling that *if I did not obey God in this matter* the proof of how little I trusted Him would hold back my healing.

Once I got over the initial shock of betrayal, anger, etc. I WAS better off not knowing *anything* It made life more peaceful. You need that now. Please get to that place. And then just draw close to Jesus. Nothing else. Just do that. He'll handle all those details you *think* you have to keep bringing up....they're just not important now.

God Bless,

You're absolutely right older wiser. I'm going to try and start doing that. It is a total shock to my system. I'm a total analyzer by nature and by job...so it's in me to wonder..seek out info...wonder what this n that means. It's very hard to not do that. It's against everything I know how to do. Which frustrates me MORE! I wish I could just push the I don't give a crap button and voila...no more thoughts of WH.

I unfortunately know what the beast of OW looks like. Including her mug shot...such a lovely gal...NOT! Ugh....yuck.

This is why you need to find something that will help you to stop thinking of your WH. Some BSs use a rubber band around their wrist and every time they think of their WS they pull on the rubber band.

It is like you have been hit by a truck while crossing the road. Your need to know is like you are standing in the middle of the road again, waiting for the next car to hit you. Do you need to be run over again to understand this will hurt?

Get off that road!! Plan B. Dark.

Always, the tighter your plan b, the less you wonder and the better you will feel. There is no meaning to what he is doing. Just equate him to a falling down drunk. Remember what I told you early on? That when a BS goes into Plan B, the WS suddenly comes up with endless reasons to contact the BS. It is because they don't like losing control. It is very predictable. All of that means nothing.

Ok Melody

I get that, Always! I'm the same way. Always seeking out, NEEDING TO KNOW all the details. I always say I should have been a detective! I don't like mysteries, I don't like *not knowing* something I feel I should know, and I'm always looking to seek out the unknown and solve things.

But in this case, the Lord *did not want me looking into the beyond* and wondering or fixating over what was going on. It was also a test of my obedience.

When I found MB, I realized that what "Plan B" was all about was exactly what God had told me! DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON "on the other side of the mountain" - as my BFF/IM called it! It just wasn't important enough anymore. The most important thing for me was to find sanity. And you won't find it fixating or analyzing the slightest things your WH is doing. Just spend that extra time reading all the books you've been wanting to read, or do an in-depth study of some books of the Bible you want to know more about. I learned A LOT about myself, WH, God's faithfulness, and infidelity from the book of Hosea. Find something positive for YOU and let the details sort themselves out.

God Bless,

Thanks older wiser!

It might be helpful if you took a successive approximation approach toward tightening of your Plan B. Accept that a totally dark Plan B is a worthy goal, but not one that in your heart you really want right now. So, it will be necessary to train yourself toward accepting and establishing a tight Plan B. Set yourself a reasonable goal - like four hours - where you will not allow yourself to even think about your WH. Build upon that goal, and in time, you will find that the peace of mind you gain will reward you into fully accepting the goal.

Mr E I do that pretty good when at work. But after work and on weekends I feel lonely ....then angry...then hopeful again...it's a roller coaster of emotions. But slowly after all his ugliness and words saying he's never coming back I'm starting to believe that and lose hope and accept my fate.

It's not about losing hope and accepting fate - as Christians, we always have hope and we don't even believe in such a thing as fate.

Plan B insulates you from him, so you won't even know much less be hurt by whatever he says and does. The Lord controls your future, not fate and not your WH. Once you separate yourself from all the drama and allow yourself to heal, you will be prepared for what is to come.

I don't believe in fate either...just a phrase...but yeah. I'm dark. And I hate it because it feels terrible yet sooooo good not getting hurt email after nasty email!!!