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BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I am ignoring his manipulation...I'm glad I finally recognize it for what it is. I tried not to think that for so long not wanting to believe the lies...deceit...manipulation but it can no longer be ignored and it needs to be called what it is. Addicts have a masters degree in manipulation and his are sharp.
I just wish my exposure had succeeded in busting up the affair. It must be one of those hard to combat "love affairs" because it ain't over.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 552
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I don't think you're getting what people are trying to tell you. You have to STOP thinking about him. It's going to take major discipline. You are ruminating/obsessing/completely taken over with thoughts of this man. It has to stop.
You can cut off contact but if you can't get your own mind on other things, you're not going to experience the benefits of plan b. Start making social plans, work out, do anything but STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM and hoping he will do the right thing.
Tune him out. Completely.
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He can still call you from another number or a blocked number. Can you go to your boss and explain what is going on to get ahead of it if your credit gets a ding?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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My boss already knows. But my boss has no influence over this situation...regarding my credit anyway.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 428
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You're right zibbles. I need to stop thinking about him. I do well while working. But weekends are tough. I did go out with two different friends this weekend. One I went walking with and the other a bite to eat. So that was nice! I hadn't gone out with friends in MONTHS. It was nice because it was ME who initiated.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 552
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Keep doing that. Reach out to friends and make plans and DON'T spend that time talking about him. I notice that when I'm going through a hard time, I tend to feel much better if I ask my friends to tell me about their lives. This gets my mind off me and my problems. Plus, most people love to talk about themselves. This will keep you from being tempted to bring him up. You can do this!
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I'm not sure why people are so critical of me over this issue. I can't afford to pay if WH does not. Because you can not afford the contact more than you can not afford the money. There are many ways to approach this problem where you can just forget about what your WH is up to. Instead, you are allowing this one issue to be the excuse for getting all worked up about him. You need to face the fact that this situation is going to cost you more than you can afford, both financially and emotionally. You will survive. You are choosing a path the trades financial cost for emotional cost. While the financial cost is a struggle, the emotional cost is much greater.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Agreed. I've opted to let it go til court on 3/3
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 428
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Posts: 428 |
I'm still in dark NC...but today I am struggling. I'm not sure why. Today I've bummed about NC...mainly because I'm curious to know if WH and OW are together...broken up...or somewhere in between.
Still no check for the ins pymt he owes...which I'm not sweating...ill deal with that in court...but disappointed nonetheless.
It still feels so surreal. And the NC feels final in a way...I think that's what's getting me down.
Trying to stay busy...trying not to think about WH so much...but today feels particularly difficult. Grrrrrr
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I'm still in dark NC...but today I am struggling. I'm not sure why. Today I've bummed about NC...mainly because I'm curious to know if WH and OW are together...broken up...or somewhere in between.
Still no check for the ins pymt he owes...which I'm not sweating...ill deal with that in court...but disappointed nonetheless.
It still feels so surreal. And the NC feels final in a way...I think that's what's getting me down.
Trying to stay busy...trying not to think about WH so much...but today feels particularly difficult. Grrrrrr I'm so sorry, always. <<<<Sending you hugs>>>>>
Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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I'm still in dark NC...but today I am struggling. I'm not sure why. Today I've bummed about NC...mainly because I'm curious to know if WH and OW are together...broken up...or somewhere in between. Don't let yourself get into this rut. If you keep thinking about these things you are killing your Plan B yourself.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Posts: 428 |
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 790 Likes: 4
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Yup. If you don't have a plan, next weekend will also suck. Make plans with friends, or visit a local museum/park/rent rollerblades. Keep youself occupied. It will get easier in time.
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I've had out of town company this weekend...but it still stinks.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 5,860
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I've had out of town company this weekend...but it still stinks..... ......on ice.
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Posts: 65
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I've had out of town company this weekend...but it still stinks. Always, you need a better weekend planning then. How did you spent weekends before DD? From your previous posts, you lived separately for a year with RO in place.
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All of us hung out together...movies...tv...out to dinner...my son's bball games...I do the same things now...only without WH.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Posts: 428
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Posts: 428 |
So today sucked...again. My atty told me I needed to email my WH regarding the court stipulation that we technically meet in person regarding the upcoming 3/3 court date. Since my RO ends tmrw I needed to do it today to avoid the meet in person order and email him the thread for next weeks document prep meeting with said atty. sigh. Why are WH soooooo utterly EVIL. I did my part...but it was like trying to wrangle a 3yr old...no joke. Turns out WH thinks the judge is going to just order me to sign the truck over to him...that he will not be nice or negotiate and that the judge can just set me straight. With a nice parting jab...have a better life. WTH...ok so divorce is not pretty...but holy moly...divorce with a WH in an active A is just pure misery. Back to dark NC I go...thankfully...because that exchange was awful.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428 |
Note: Our 3/3 papers state we need to meet in person regarding division of assets so that we are prepared to move quickly during the upcoming mediation meeting on 3/3.
Since it is my atty and my personal belief that WH does NOT have these papers because he didn't forward his mail or update the court of his addy...I needed to comply with MY side of the fence and try to discuss/negotiate a settlement.
WHY do the WSs get a pass on responsibility while the BSs stand...in pain...ruin...heartbreak as the sane party while WH tries to make BW out to be the bad guy? Feeling sooooo disgusted.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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