Thanks Piglet.

I am trying.

I go to my atty today to prepare paperwork for court on the 3rd.

Do I ask to delay in hopes the affair ends or just move to get it done fast?

Have you actually read this whole thread?

Please don't tell others how to post. If someone posts contradicting advice than Dr. Harley then notify the MODS, but please don't tell me how to post.

The point is Brain I'm trying. I've gone thru 2 IMs regarding this stuff. It's trial and error.

Vilifying me is equally unhelpful. You did your job...I've re-read the instructions you posted again to my IM.

Though I've said this before we get it. We didn't see where it says don't forward the texts. We are not going to do that in the future.

Thanks!

Be sure to commit to what you are saying. What frustrates the forum is your backsliding into thinking about your WH constantly. For your Plan B to work you need to focus on yourself, improving yourself first.

No one is stopping her.

Here is some useful advice from someone who has actually executed a dark Plan B and left like dying while leaving her husband--

-Try to get your Aunt to move things to email if possible. It's slower. It might actually slow down the seemingly "need to know" information as well.

-Have someone put parental control software on your computer if needed to block out any and all websites you may be tempted to look at. I got rid of social media, but I could also look at WH's business site, so I had a friend block his business page.

--use a keylogger and have an "accountability partner" who will check it to make sure you aren't searching for things related to WH.

--When you are out with friends and family (especially when you are out) shut down any and all conversation about it. At this point, you probably still feel weak and desperate, so I would assign someone you are with to help with shutting down all conversation. That person is assigned with saying "We won't be discussing WH tonight" if someone brings it up. And that person is assigned with saying to YOU, "ALU, we will not be discussing him tonight" if you bring him up. That person is your mind/conversation gatekeeper.

--If you are alone and thinking about it, do ANYTHING you can to stop. Work, call a friend, read a book, mindlessly watch TV, anything to stop. THe best thing would be to go out with other people and do an activity you enjoy doing, but if you can't go out, then do anything you need to get your mind off of him. I picked up knitting for the times I was alone and it helped greatly. Now I still really like it. I also got a lot of mani-pedis and other beauty treatments. That was the best!

Think of Plan B as a fortress and you are under siege. If a bomb gets through, do whatever you can to patch up the holes in your defense. This analogy helped me greatly.

Look--the alternative is endless pain. The people who are hammering you, have one thing right: you either protect yourself or you will be in a lot of pain for a long time. The choice is really yours.

I have been in a dark Plan B with 3 kids for 10+ years. And you left the board for MONTHS because you didn't like how posters were posting different than you and you got upset and left. And now you're back doing the same.

She's had posters who have been in a dark Plan b longer than you and she still did her own thing. She is also posting on other forums and doing contradicting actions.

I think you need to read the whole thread. It took her forever to expose (and to this day still hasn't exposed to OW's side or their work). And of course with being in Plan B the exposure is no longer an issue.

And besides all of the above this a short marriage with no children and her WH is abusive and a drug addict.

All we have been doing is trying to help you follow MB. When someone continues to do their own thing and not follow advice and your actions speak different we aren't stupid people and have been around along time and know when someone his serious or not.

Sugarcane posted some fantastic and very helpful posts. She didn't "hammer" her at all, she stated the truth.

**EDIT**

I was advised by Melody to not bother exposing to OW family since I didn't find out OW family til after my initial FB exposure and WH family.

I'm not sure why or how this became and attack.

You don't know my story at all. You have no idea when I went into Plan B.

When PigletWiglet basically came behind some great posts and telling posters how to post. That's how. That's not her job. That's the job of the MODS's and she knows that.

With all due respect, you are a day late and a dollar short. She has been given the same message for weeks about the IM. So when this comes up AGAIN, she needs to be reminded again. No need to be a scold when posters are just doing their job!

It's bad form to show up late in the game and lecture posters who have been here all along...doing their job! You need to chill, friend.

Posters like SC and BH (and others) have been following this thread and are well aware of what is a newbie mistake and what is not. They explained specifically what they are seeing that is concerning to them. There is no need to jump in here and basically dismiss their posts to Always. She needs to hear it.

Always, just understand that this is a COMMON problem...a BW who isn't really serious about going into Plan B. Oftentimes (and I say this from experience --> having gotten them myself from my MB friends and also dishing them out) a 2x4 is what is necessary to help a BW out of her own fog.

Always - if you didn't notice, I am going through this as well on virtually the same time table you are on.

That being said - I remember when I was starting exposure and SugarCane hit me with some posts that really upset me, at first. I also think SusieQ has hit me with some hard stuff as well.

Every person that has posted here with some "hard stuff to swallow" means well I promise. They are looking out for you. They know its hard. The previous mentions, SugarCane and SusieQ's posts, were monumental in my circumstance.

No body is trying to cut you down. You are "trying" but they are noticing a trend in your behavior. You don't need a nudge at this point, you need as SusieQ put it, a 2"x4" to the head.

These people are awesome people.. they are on this forum to belittle anyone.

While in betrayed state (like I was) you can say you are trying and sincerely think you are, but they are helping you get to the point you need to be at! They may be direct or blunt, but everything is time sensitive and they know it.

Lets get you on a firm Plan B Always!! You can do this!

I understand what everyone is saying. I know it all comes from a place of caring.

I struggle with not talking about WH and the upcoming divorce. I do not struggle as much with contact with WH. We have none. My IM and I agree that until court there is zero to discuss.

While I understand that what info has slipped thru should not have I cannot unhear it and I analyze it...obsessively. I don't understand it and so I struggle. Talking about WH is a double edged sword. So is thinking about him. And while I understand plan B is for me I feel like it's giving up too.

It is giving up. It is giving up the pain and misery. People who stay in a dark Plan B experience immense relief.

Maybe that is my struggle. Coming to terms with giving up. It goes against my being...not being a quitter. So how do I balance that with Plan B?