Not yet, I plan to do it next week. I don't think they work on the weekend.

The OW apparently works as a prostitute in one of the bars outside a military base my husband was stationed at overseas. I was told she works at either of two bars but I do not have any other information about her. I just know her club name, which is not her real name. I cannot find any additional information about her.

[quote=BrainHurts]
No that is for BHs. BWs should only do Plan A for 3 weeks max and then go to Plan B. [quote]

I did not even do Plan A for 3 weeks. He came back from deployment last week and I only saw him for 2 days. I drove 8 hours because I had to bring his stuff to him that he left before e deployed. I demanded no contact, and he said he will not stop communicating with her. He was messaging her right in front of me and on the third time, I just packed my bags and left. Since then, I do not communicate with him at all. He called once a couple of days ago to say he wants to divorce me, that he will be coming to my location to take care of business (remove his name from all accounts). I get furious when he talks to me this way so I prefer not to be in contact with him at all.

"How do you submit a complaint with the IG? A complaint, allegation, and/or request for assistance can be presented to the IG in person, by telephone, fax, or regular mail.

In order to protect your confidentiality, we strongly discourage contacting the IG via e-mail because of concerns for personal security and to maintain your privacy."

Something above does not make sense to me. If there is concern for personal safety, then if I called the IG and I provided proof that my husband cheated, I would have to show an email in which he confesses. That means I would give away my email and they will know I am his wife. Is there anyone on the forum who has gone through this process that can give me an idea how all this works and make it clear to me. Thanks.

They are not saying you should not tell them who your husband is and that you are his wife. If you make a complaint about someone, of course you'll need to identify him, and if you do it in person, that of course you'll be identifying yourself. That is not what they are saying.

They are saying that emails can be intercepted. Someone else could read an email intended for the IG only, and then could possible even stop it from reaching the IG, or they could blab to the person being complained about, or they could retaliate against you. They are trying to stop anything like that from happening.

If you phone or go there in person, you and the IG will be able to speak in confidence. That is all they are saying - email communication is unsafe in large organisations.

Thanks, SugarCane.

Could anyone who has been through this please tell me what is the most common approach for the IG to handle such situation? I understand, direct order for no contact. What else? Also, I am now starting to think whether I should expose next week as I initially planned or wait until my husband comes home in three weeks (he will be home for about two weeks)and expose after he leaves. I am thinking he can possibly become violent or may not even come home. I feel like since we have been separated for so long, I need to be able to spend some time with him. Otherwise, I risk not seeing him at all which is really bad for the relationship as well.

You're not necessarily going to get the kind of poster you want, to be online and reading your thread, at this hour on a Saturday night. You will have to do the reading yourself.

Go to the exposure link in MelodyLane's signature - she posted to you above. A few posts into that thread is a post from Mortarman telling you the steps to take.

Then, read some of the many threads in this forum. They will show you other people's experiences.

The poster woundednotbroken posted to you above. Her name is a link. Click it, then go to "view posts", then "topics created", and read whichever thread deals with her own story - she told you that she has been through this, exposed to the IG, and they are in recovery.

In the same way, trace the post of anyone you come across on the threads here, who says that dealt with a military affair.

You posted here very sporadically, and then disappeared for a while. If you want help, you will need to stick around. I also suggest that you click "notify" and ask a moderator to move this thread to the forum Surviving an Affair, where it will get more responses.

Not exposing the affair is even worse for your relationship. You should stop looking for excuses to put this off. If you will expose now and your husband is ordered to end his affair, he may be out of the fog in 3 weeks. I give this very little hope because you have allowed it to thrive so long, but this is your best hope. The longer you drag this out, the harder it will be to save it.

needinput, you are going to have to buck up here and start doing some work. This is a very entrenched affair and dragging your feet is not helping your situation.

Ok, thanks. I read the exposure thread MelodyLane posted , the one from MortarMan and I read all the posts in the Military Marriages forum and some from the forum Surviving an Affair. The info is sporadic so that was the reason I was asking if anyone from experience with exposure to IG can just summarize it in a few sentences. There are thousands of threads.

woundednotbroken has one post in which she says the MB saved her marriage but she never actually posted her story. I tried to see if I can PM her but PM is disabled.

I will definitely ask my thread to be moved. Thanks for the suggestion.

I am not sure why you are saying I have allowed it to thrive so long. I found out early January. It has been a month and one week since I found out. As soon as I found out I started reading everything I could on the internet. I did not know about MB and what I need to do right off. I am doing everything I can as fast as I can. I exposed as soon as I read about exposure. I have to work as well. I can't stay 24/7 on the internet reading about affairs although it may be necessary. I am trying to get info on divorce - I am not familiar with any of this. I will go ahead and call the IG next week.

needinput, we gave you this advice several weeks ago and referred you to the post written by a former IG. It is a key exposure that is critical in military affairs. This does not take hours of reading to do, we gave you the link several weeks ago. Please make plans to EXPOSE to the IG asap. Why don't you see if you can reach him today?

I would stay focused on busting up the affair for the time being. Focus entirely on Mortarman's post and get this exposed.

MelodyLane, I was told by my husband he would be bringing me the divorce papers in three weeks and that there is nothing that would change his mind. That he lost his love for me and loves the AP. I called the IG today to find out how long it takes for the commander to do something about this and they said it can take several weeks because they have to do an investigation and do interviews first. I did not report my husband. I wanted to consult with you on this. I think it might be too late and I do not know if it is even worth it. What is your opinion based on your experience?

You should report him asap. It is your best hope in stopping the divorce train. Your H is not in love with you because a) he has lived away from you and b) he is having an affair. If you can kill this affair, you have a chance. A small chance, but a chance.

NeedInput-

You seem very scared to do the right thing. Please reread the advice given to you. Several posters have asked you to report him if not only for the reason that he is breaking military rules. I am surprised that you are asking them AGAIN, what to do. Somehow you have to find the courage to report him.

I seem to remember other cases where once it is reported, the offender is immediately put on notice to not communicate with the affair partner and the investigation ensues.

If you think it's too late, then why are you here posting? Is there a reason why you think reporting him would hurt you?

Can you please report him tomorrow and come back and let us know that you found the courage to do it?

I want to report. When initially I was advised several weeks ago to do that I did not know much about MB so I would not just go and do blindly what someone advises me to do on a forum. Because she is a prostitute, I am afraid I might get him involved in a lot of trouble apart from just ending their affair. That is my biggest scare. The other scare is he might become violent and when he comes to visit I am not sure what to expect. The last thing I would want is for him to do something to me because he is mad that I reported him and that his "drug" is taken away from him. Honestly, it has nothing to do with whether I will get any benefits. I could care less about the military benefits. I do not get anything anyways.

I agree. So their EA/PA now just turned into an EA. From your experience how long do these EA last if they do not see each other in person but just communicate through media?

We have one on the board right now that has lasted for 12 years!

My wife has been in a hidden EA for the past 17 years!

Trust Melody, report your husband ASAP. Don't wait for him to file for divorce.

Wow! I am sorry to hear that LostOnWestCoast.