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Joined: Feb 2016
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2016
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take?
My wife moved out a little over a year ago. We have seen each other off and on over the last year. This past month she decided to work on our marriage. About 4 months after she moved out she had an affair for 3 to 4 months. It is over now. I am pretty sure this was not the reason she moved out. She says she didn't feel valued in the marriage and that I took her for granite. I have never wanted a divorce and I want to be with her. Like I mentioned she decided this month to work on the marriage. When we go out everything is fine and we get along just like we used to. I have asked her to spend some days together instead of hours together but she hasn't. What would be appropriate time frame for me to say we need to take the next step and we need to live together again to see how things go?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi Bronco, welcome to Marriage Builders. Are you married? How long married? Any children? Who is her boyfriend and what do you know about him?
The problems in your marriage must have been incredibly horrible in order for her to leave. It often takes us years to even persuade an abused woman to leave unless there is an affair. What were the conditions of your marriage before she left?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 83
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 83 |
take?
My wife moved out a little over a year ago. We have seen each other off and on over the last year. This past month she decided to work on our marriage. About 4 months after she moved out she had an affair for 3 to 4 months. It is over now. I am pretty sure this was not the reason she moved out. She says she didn't feel valued in the marriage and that I took her for granite. I have never wanted a divorce and I want to be with her. Like I mentioned she decided this month to work on the marriage. When we go out everything is fine and we get along just like we used to. I have asked her to spend some days together instead of hours together but she hasn't. What would be appropriate time frame for me to say we need to take the next step and we need to live together again to see how things go? Your situation sounds alot like mine. I can relate.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Joined: Dec 2007
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take?
My wife moved out a little over a year ago. We have seen each other off and on over the last year. This past month she decided to work on our marriage. About 4 months after she moved out she had an affair for 3 to 4 months. It is over now. I am pretty sure this was not the reason she moved out. She says she didn't feel valued in the marriage and that I took her for granite. I have never wanted a divorce and I want to be with her. Like I mentioned she decided this month to work on the marriage. When we go out everything is fine and we get along just like we used to. I have asked her to spend some days together instead of hours together but she hasn't. What would be appropriate time frame for me to say we need to take the next step and we need to live together again to see how things go? Seeing so many infidelity stories I find it hard to believe that your WW was not having an affair when she left you. Her OM had his fun. He never wanted to buy the cow just get the milk for free. When WW put his feet to the fire to commit, meaning provide financial support, housing, etc, OM dropped her for a new victim. So WW is now coming back because you will pick up where you left off and support her. You want her back you need to learn how to plan A her. Show her how good being married to you can be.
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 83
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 83 |
take?
My wife moved out a little over a year ago. We have seen each other off and on over the last year. This past month she decided to work on our marriage. About 4 months after she moved out she had an affair for 3 to 4 months. It is over now. I am pretty sure this was not the reason she moved out. She says she didn't feel valued in the marriage and that I took her for granite. I have never wanted a divorce and I want to be with her. Like I mentioned she decided this month to work on the marriage. When we go out everything is fine and we get along just like we used to. I have asked her to spend some days together instead of hours together but she hasn't. What would be appropriate time frame for me to say we need to take the next step and we need to live together again to see how things go? Seeing so many infidelity stories I find it hard to believe that your WW was not having an affair when she left you. Her OM had his fun. He never wanted to buy the cow just get the milk for free. When WW put his feet to the fire to commit, meaning provide financial support, housing, etc, OM dropped her for a new victim. So WW is now coming back because you will pick up where you left off and support her. You want her back you need to learn how to plan A her. Show her how good being married to you can be. I've always wondered if plan A is worth it when you have a wife that in her mind, considers it over and has resentment towards you for years of emotional and verbal abuse and now considers herself single.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I've always wondered if plan A is worth it when you have a wife that in her mind, considers it over and has resentment towards you for years of emotional and verbal abuse and now considers herself single. Yes, that is the typical scenario in Plan A. People who have affairs are checked out of the marriage. And your wife is NOT single, she is married.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
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Joined: Aug 2011
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I've always wondered if Plan A is worth it when you have a wife that in her mind, considers it over and has resentment towards you for years of emotional and verbal abuse and now considers herself single. Plan A represents your best chance of recovering your marriage. It is likely that when one questions the value of even trying, then one is no longer in love. It is always your choice, but recovery is possible it you follow the program.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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