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So sorry. I agree you need to get into Plan B.

Here How to Plan B Correctly


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thank you, I know you are right- I knew that was the answer, I just needed to hear it. It should not be too hard. He has not tried to get in touch with me for a bit. Will work on finding an IM. I will ask my original first, but I think she will say no.

On a positive note, got a call from a high level person from the place I applied I MT. Seems the person they hired for the job I wanted already worked there. So her position is now open and the would love to hire me for it. So, I will apply when it comes out but sounds do like I have a good shot. I just might get out of here!

Trying to focus on me. Having a healthy living challenge at work. I am on our office 4 person team which is good and very supportive.
Walking the dog more, which is good for both of us.

My one regular dinner firend has left the state and is not returning. So, I think it's time to find new friends. Hard when I am thinking about moving asap, but I am lonley and need to get out more.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
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The job sounds so promising. Do you have a Plan B Letter written?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Hmm, no new plan B letter, just the one I originally gave him. Was planning to text or leave him a voice mail saying so and so will be his contact if he needs to talk to me per my letter.

Do I need a new one?


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted by noone733
Hmm, no new plan B letter, just the one I originally gave him. Was planning to text or leave him a voice mail saying so and so will be his contact if he needs to talk to me per my letter.

Do I need a new one?

I think you will be fine this way. hugs to you, friend...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by noone733
Hmm, no new plan B letter, just the one I originally gave him. Was planning to text or leave him a voice mail saying so and so will be his contact if he needs to talk to me per my letter.

Do I need a new one?
No, I agree the original one should be good.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 105
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I feel like something is starting to change in me. I am still sad about my WH's choices and very hurt. And bad moments happen. I went to the dr. The other day and the nurse said " oh, you are WH's woman". Totally caught off guard- all I could do not to breakdown.

But I am starting to think about what makes me happy, what my future without him might look like and am feeling more upbeat about it.

For the first time since this whole mess began, I am starting beleive I deserve to be treated better than this and even alone, better is out there. Not just lip service but really believing it.

WH had not tired to make contact since Wed. Still looking for an IM but don't expect he wants any contact so not stressing it yet.

I started going to work 1/2 hour earlier to take a longer lunch so i can take my dog for good walk at lunch. It is also staying light long enough after work to get her out again. I think that is helping both of us.

Thanks for being here. I hope the upward then in how I am feeling continues, it would be nice to cry less for awhile- a long while.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Nov 2010
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It will get better if you stay on the path. And yes of course you deserve way better.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2015
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WH texted me this morning saying he is flying back to AK tonight(and of course the he hoped I was doing well- right, like he cares). I suspect he is picking up some tools for the small counter top project he picked up.

The upside is I think I found an IM. She wants to read the information on what that means. But, if it was want I described, she is in. That should be firmed up tomorrow.

Until then, I will not contact him ... yikes he is calling now, right now. I ignored it.

I am feeling strong and think I can do plan b better this time! Please send any extra strength you have my way- think I will need it the next week or so.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Dec 2015
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Stay strong. You can do it. And yes plan B is hard. My IM has finally figured it out and its working out good. It stinks having no contact because I can't help wondering his state of mind. But I finally figured out...the hard way...that continued contact while WH is still in A...it hurts. IM is awesome for that.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Send your IM the training link in the Plan B thread I posted to you.

How are you doing?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2015
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Thanks BH, I did send her that. I think she will do it.

I am ok. Wh showed up at my house last night to pick up his truck. Today I came home from work for lunch to walk my dog and she is gone, front door wide open, heat blaring (it is about 20 outside). So, in a panic I called Wh, he has the dog. Guess I forgot to lock the front door as there was not a break in or anything.

I just could not help myself while I had him on the phone so I asked if he was seeing her again. He said no. I asked if he was seeing anyone else, he said no. But, does not know if he wants to work on the marriage.

That is it, no more talking to him. I will go beg my IM to agree so I can have her take over for me.

Grrrr. This sucks.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Apr 2001
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Really irked at how callous and cruel he is. Why did he put you through all this if he was not sure? So he could enjoy Christmas with you? if so, that really sucks.

Have you filed for divorce?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Really irked at how callous and cruel he is. Why did he put you through all this if he was not sure? So he could enjoy Christmas with you? if so, that really sucks.

Have you filed for divorce?


I have not filed---yet. But I have been thinking about it. Well, actually legal seperation. AK has that and I have been told that it is a good step, particularly considering that we have a business togther. It is also a smaller easier step and does not seem so scary.

Anyone have any thoughts on legal seperation vs filing for divorce?


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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My atty told me the cost is the same and serves the same purpose as a divorce...but a good step in order to freeze assets if on the fence about divorce...at least your financials are protected.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Originally Posted by noone733
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Really irked at how callous and cruel he is. Why did he put you through all this if he was not sure? So he could enjoy Christmas with you? if so, that really sucks.

Have you filed for divorce?


I have not filed---yet. But I have been thinking about it. Well, actually legal seperation. AK has that and I have been told that it is a good step, particularly considering that we have a business togther. It is also a smaller easier step and does not seem so scary.

Anyone have any thoughts on legal separation vs filing for divorce?


I would strongly encourage you to file for divorce and just separate your lives in every way, especially the business. Filing separation drags the pain out unnecessarily and actually ends up costing more in the end. With a divorce you have the best of 2 options, he either gets on board [which he has demonstrated numerous times already that he won't] or you end up divorced. Both are good outcomes, because if he won't get on board, you will be divorced.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Just wanted to give a little update. Wh is still with his parents out of state. I just got a 3 month job in MT. At the end I come back to my current job. There is also a chance it can become permanent.

Still have good and bad days. But was doing pretty dang well. For some reason making plans to leave has made me sad again. I should be happy but I guess I had hoped he might come back. But he knows when I leave and is not expected to be back in town by then. That should tell me all I need to know right? Why can't I convince my heart?

I will also miss my dog terribly - she has been a lifesaver and we have grown quite attached. A friend will watch her so it is temporary, she can move with me if I get the job for good. But still hard.

Thanks for all your help and support.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 105
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Well, it's over. Wh is not willing to try so we are ending it. I start a short term job in MT in 2 weeks so the timing is poor but will get done what needs doing.

I am sorry it is ending this way but also gratful for an ending. I will take some time and work on me so I can find love- real love.

I am leaving the marriage with my head held high thanks to everyone here, I can not thank you enough. I would be a wreck right now if not for you all.

I am sure I will need the divorce support board now but am not as bad as I thought I would be at this point.


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
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Are you still in Plan B?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 105
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I am, brianHurts- thank you. We had this "conversation" via IM. But, he is done and does not think he has blame-all my fault. I suspect he is seeing her again. But, not my concern much longer.

Really glad to leave this town and house for awhile. And hopefully for good. I keep applying for jobs in case this one is am trying does not work. I will get out of here for good asap.

Thanks again for all the support!


Me: BW (45)
WH: 47
Married: 1999
No kids, one wonderful dog
DD #1 (EA, but said was over) 6.27.15
DD# 2 (ongoing PA) 9.11.15
Plan B started 10.1.15
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