I went back 4 months in our phone records. Not one phone call that I couldnt determine who it went to. She calls the same 8-10 people's cell phones. The few land line calls I found were all innocent, brief and no one number repeated more than once.

Same with all her texts. She uses imessage so those dont show on our phone bill, but all sms texts show up. Searching 4 months of those yielded one text to the suspected OM back on april 10. She has since deleted her texts so without the aid of someone tech savvy i have no way of ever seeing them.

I went through her purse last night after she went to bed upstairs. Nothing out of the ordinary. I even went through her wallet looking for names/numbers/biz cards etc. all clear.

I have her old iphone that is deactovated that our daughter watches cartoons and plays games on. Somehow it still syncs with my wifes new phone and shows any calls in out plus i have all her contacts on it. Nothing unusual there that i can find.

IPhones by default keep track of where they go. Look in Settings:Privacy:Location Services:System Services:Frequent Locations and check for possible affair locations.

"Frequent locations" button was off. No dice

I plan to tell her toda that after thinking about it, i dont want a divorce and i dont want to separate. I have every intention of staying in our house and working on our marriage. I cant force her to stay and i cant keep her from leaving if thats what she chooses to do.

Here is whats coming: "i have nowhere to go! I cant afford anything right now!"

how do i play that?

Next time you have the phone, turn it on!

Do you live in a country that has other towns? In my country, we have other towns around us. Do you?


That completely misses the point. You don't need her confession. The point of getting the intel is not to get her to confess, but to provide evidence when you EXPOSE the affair.

GET THE EVIDENCE! Do you want to save your marriage? Then stop messing around and get serious.

"So sorry!"

Why would this be your problem?

Its on now.

I contacted a PI this am from a city 45 mins away. He said he can do gps, follow her, get photo evidence, etc but thats only good if its a regular physical affair. He has no resources to get her texts or anything like that

Good man!! And you can work on getting texts and voice recordings. Another thing I would do is search her car and purse for a secret cell phone. If she is sleeping upstairs, I would put a VAR up there too.

Went thru her purse last night *thoroughly*

All clear.

Will search her car tonight

She could have him listed under someone else's name - i.e. calls to "Jane" are really calls to "John". Do you know that those numbers belong to those people?

She text me just now (our house is for sale)

Her - We need to find a plan for us between now and when the house sells.

I havent replied yet. Anybody want to help me tee this one up?

I hear what you are saying, but I have all these same people in my phone also. They are all legit. We are part of the generation that doesnt really make phone calls to each other. Everybody my age texts. Its almost weird to call someone anymore. Crazy how that happened

I would take the house off the market. Tell her you have changed your mind.

Does she have some other apps on her phone like Whatsapp? That is undetectable on a phone log.

And what texts did she delete?

Is this a good time to let her know I dont want to separate or divorce and im not leaving the house, nor should our daughter? Im staying to work on the marriage and if she wants to leave I cant stop her.

She will probably go ahead and file, get temp custody and have me removed from the house. Thats how I see her reacting to this.

She has every social media you can have. Twitter, instagram, facebook, snapchat, who knows what else. I dont ever have more than 30-45 secs with her phone to look around. Definitely not enough time to steal it and download programs and stuff. The last week or two she has been keeping her phone in her hand 24/7.

I can't imagine that she could get you removed from your own home. That almost never happens. I think it is a good time to tell her that you won't be leaving or cooperating with any separation schemes. Tell her something like this:

"Sally, I have given this much thought and have had a change of heart about separating. I will focus on saving our marriage and am not willing to separate. Because of this, I have changed my mind about selling the house. I love you and want to focus on our marriage. I will be sad if you decide to move out, but I know I can't stop you. all my love, Winslow"

Expect her to FREAK OUT and make many threats to bully you into going along with her plan to destroy your marriage. DO NOT REACT.

Simply tell her you love her and are sorry she is upset, but you won't cooperate with any schemes to break up your marriage or your daughter's family.

This is what I am thinking of sending. Anyone want to critique it?

I was up until 4am last night thinking about what to do right now, and I am going to leave the ball in your court. After thinking about it I dont want a divorce and I dont want to separate. I want to work on our marriage. Im not going to leave. Im 100% committed to this marriage. Separating or divorcing are not going to fix our relationship and neither of those are going to help us raise our daughter. I want to set an example for her that marriage is a committment and it means something. Outside of infidelity or abuse there is nothing that cant be worked out. I want to be her role model for what she should expect from her husband one day. I cant stop you from leaving if thats what you chose to do. And I am not trying to make this about me. This is about us.